I was convinced when I got baptized that I would not see death. It was 1989 and the world was on it's way out, with all the political turmoil going on. Once I got a clue it took some time for it to sink in. I will die in this system of things. I don't fear it now
The prognosis is 'terminal'
by AK - Jeff 26 Replies latest jw experiences
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exwhyzee
Without knowing why, I went through a bout of unexplained anxiety attacks after I turned 40. (very unpleasant and debilitating) Looking back now, I realize that this was my subconscious coming to grips with the reality that I wasn't actually going to live forever like I had been told I would since childhood. Instead of realizing that fact gradually over a lifetime, I had to do it in a relatively short time period. I realized that I never even would have expected to live forever had this notion not been planted in my head by others and this made me angry. I also realized that while I beleived in everlasting life, at the same time I didn't beleive it would really happen. What I really beleived is that I SHOULD beleive in everlasting life and I SHOULD want to live forever. What a releif it was to finally get rid of that notion along with the notion that for life to be enjoyable, it needed to have some grand purpose. Even with a grand purpose, why did God need to create someone to worship him...how would that make my life seem more meaningful? I don't want to die in a violent way but I also can't imagine being trapped into eternal life just because I was the winner, among thousands of sperm cells that were competing to fertalize an egg in my mothers body 40 some years ago, that I should expect to continue to exist for all eternity. My existence is too random to have such a high expectation. After all, had my parents gone to bed 5 minutes sooner or later, I wouldn't even exist....someone else would. I am glad that I'm here and I'm glad that I came to be in a time when there are so many ways to releive suffering. I am open to the possibility that there is more to the "big picture" than we can even imagine and I have a sense that growing old might look worse than it really is. Afterall, if 25 years ago, I woke up at my present age, I'd would have been horrified. But getting to this age gradually hasn't been a problem. I think wanting to live forever or being afraid of death is something that seems to be more of a problem for the young. Maybe as you grow old, it makes more sense. Being at peace with the idea that none of us is getting out of this alive, makes me feel less singled out by death. No one that has ever lived on this planet has cheated death...why should I ? It makes my current life more precious to know it is limited. Simply by not having to have an answer for all of lifes questions and not feeling as if I was born into an age old responsibility of having to warning people about some impending catastrophe or having to show them the error of their ways, has been a big relief and a freeing experience. With the constant emphasis on THE END, attending meetings was like attending a funeral 3 times a week and took most of the shine off my youth. Thankfully they werent able to vanquish entirely all of my inborn hopeful outlook. On occasion, in the wee hours of the night, those old flutterings of anxiety do arise. As the years pass, I find that I am able to dismiss them more and more easily. I have become comfortable with the idea that a certain amount of denial or the turning of a blind is perfectly acceptable for those of us who plan to be in it for the long haul.
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EmptyInside
Life is more precious to me,and so is the time I have left. Plus,I don't think about it all the time.
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finally awake
honestly, now that i am free from the WTBTS, I don't feel suicidal anymore. I'm no longer looking at every overpass and every passing semi truck and thinking about slamming my car into them. I actually feel like living, if that makes sense. Before, I had to distract myself with plans for something that I wanted to do "before I die" like a trip to Disneyworld or a cruise. That was my way of talking myself into staying alive - pitiful really. Now, I feel like someone who has beaten a usually fatal disease, and I have a whole lifetime of possibilities ahead of me.
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ziddina
Hrumph.
When I was in the dayyamed cult, I WANTED to die...
So mortality wasn't an issue for me...
After leaving it, I did a lot of things that I was prevented from doing by the cult - took up bellydancing, hiking, backpacking, came out as an atheist, researched the origins of the bible - and of religion itself, celebrated holidays, voted, participated as a volunteer in political campaigns...
My only regret is not obtaining a college degree and a well-paying career...
I must say, when I found out that the earth itself was eventually going to 'die' - as well as the sun - that pretty much snapped my puny human life - and my own mortality - into perspective for me...
Of course, I don't go around walking in front of speeding trucks, either...
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smiddy
exwhyzee
Gladiator
Those of us who were in the cult for many many years,from a young age to a mature age can relate to the wisdom of this thread,and the fact that the organization can screw up young peoples lives with this controlling,manipulative mind games is nothing short of criminal
smiddy