Nice guys left in the cold

by Elsewhere 72 Replies latest social relationships

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    Butalbee started the thread "Do Looks Really Matter?” I started wondering about the "Nice" guys (such as myself)...

    It's been my experience that women tend not to go for the "nice" guy who has a lot to offer - big heart, kind, good income, etc. They seem far more likely to go for the aggressive "jerk" or "rebel" who treats them like dirt.

    Why is that?

    All of us nice guys are relegated to "just a friend". I’m to the point that as soon as a girl says those three magic words, I just get up and leave. I get pissed just thinking about it.

    It seems to me that most women just want to be thrilled, which the Jerks and Rebels are good at. They put on the front of a "strong" "independent" woman, go to bars and clubs, find a jerk and then start dating him – then they come to me (just a friend) and ask me why men are not kind and loving. So far I have always managed to keep myself from flipping them off at that point. It really pisses me off.

    Could some of you (especially women) please elaborate on this?

    Believe in yourself, not mythology.
    <x ><

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    I hear ya!!!!! why do all the guys I know end up with the selfish, petty, irritating you know whats and complain to me!!!!!

    What's the world comming too. Next time they ask you that tell them it's because they're stupid and should be dating you and compaling to him!!!!

    Ven

    "Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."

  • WildHorses
    WildHorses

    Elsewhere, believe me when I say. I want a nice guy. The problem is, I never have found one. From what I am told, it's my own fault since I do not play the games that people play while dating. If I like someone, I let them know it. If I fall in love, I show it in the way I treat them. No games here.

    I think that scares men away. Because that is when they start treating me bad. ie, cheating on me etc.

    So, if you know any good men, send them my way.

    Lilacs

    I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.
  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    [Jaw hits floor over Lilacs last comment]

    Believe in yourself, not mythology.
    <x ><

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    If I could find a good man with a kind heart and who loved me as much as I'd love him, I'd be married by now.

    Unfortunately, most men seem to be swayed by good looks and a nice body. Too bad if you're not 18 or if you are a few pounds overweight.

    If there's any nice guys out there who want a good woman and won't treat her like dirt, email me. I'm available.

  • WildHorses
    WildHorses

    Why the puzzled look Elsewhere?

    I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.
  • Xena
    Xena

    Funny where were the nice guys when I was a glasses wearing overweight brunette???? OOOOHHHH that's right they were chasing after the thin pretty girls...and telling me how funny I was...after all you have a lot of time to work on your sense of humor when you are dateless!

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine
    then they come to me (just a friend) and ask me why men are not kind and loving. So far I have always managed to keep myself from flipping them off at that point. It really pisses me off.

    Maybe if you go ahead and flip them off, they will grab your finger and start sucking it lasciviously- - you bad boy you!

    Seriously? I'll just make two main points. a)Much of the time, the guys who consider themselves "nice guys", really aren't that nice. b) Some women are just plain dumb as dirt. Especially when it comes to distinguishing between feelings and logical thought. Don't spend too much time being frustrated by those womens' seeming lack of logic.

    This survey result was on the MSN home page today. Probably large enough to be fairly accurate. Read it and weep:

    The official results of our very unofficial survey are in. When we asked guys and girls to rate their top ten turn-ons of all time, you can bet we got some pretty interesting responses—most precariously balanced between progressively hip and downright cliché! Sound familiar? That's how most of us define romance anyway, right? And I wouldn't have it any other way!

    1. A nice, healthy body. Feminists might place this one lower on the list, but a nice body came in at number one. The consensus was that "someone who is conscious of their body, is physically active and dresses for their body type" is a killer turn-on.

    2. Confidence. Need I say more? A person who projects true confidence is sexy. Period. False confidence appears rude and conceited.

    3. A good job. Though I groaned at this one, let's face it: Knowing that he or she isn't going to mooch off of your salary forever is always comforting.

    4. A cool car. It seems we haven't made much progress since the 1950's here. Still, some people noted that a funky new car design, a low emission hybrid or a big sexy truck could all be considered "cool."

    5. Fashion sense. You don't have to be a label junkie, but hot pants and cowboy boots aren't really appropriate for an office party. Vintage clothes and black everything seemed to be the safest bet.

    6. Nice hair. I'm sorry to say this rated higher than being considerate, but no one thinks a mullet is sexy anymore. Welcome to 2002.

    7. Good manners. I'm sure glad to see this one on the list. Being treated respectfully and watching your date treat others that way is the fastest road to Turn Me On City. Bossy, rude people aren't fun dates and definitely don't inspire you to make out.

    8. Scent. Smell can be an incredible turn-on! And though sometimes plain old chemistry is enough, you can't beat a good bar of soap and an expensive cologne!

    9. Lack of neediness. There's no surer way to lose someone than holding on too tight.

    10. Creativity. And not just in the bedroom! Creativity includes coming up with ideas for a date, a meal and anything else that turns your date on.

  • Xena
    Xena

    Nice Guy....isn't that an oxymoron????

  • hungry4life
    hungry4life

    Dear Elsewhere I sympathize with your feelings on this post. I am a 32 year old female and have dated nice guys all my life. Looks have never been important enough to dictate who I dated. Instead I have made my desicions based on personality. I have had many wonderful relationships and am on friendly terms with nearly everyone I have ever dated.

    My girlfriends do not understand this I often hear comments such as "you can do better than that" or "what do you see in him?" or "you must have bad self esteem", nothing could be further from the truth. I have good self esteem and do not define who I am by the physical appearance of the guy standing next to me. What I see in him is a good heart, thoughtfulness and generosity, a good sense of humor, fascinating intellect,and/or great conversational ability.

    These same friends who are baffled by my choice in men would have never taken the time to get to know anyone that is not typically good looking or else rich. What have they gotten for their efforts? Heartache and misery. I have often been the recepient of late night phone calls with a girl crying on the other end of the phone about how he hasn't called, used her, cheated or otherwise abused her.

    I listen patiently but when I have suggested setting up my friends with a great guy who doesn't look like Brad Pitt they decline. Instead of spending a nice evening going out with someone who may turn out to be great company they would rather stay home and replay their sad scenarios again and again.

    Geez girls wake up (hey the same can be said for guys who will only date women with perfect faces and figures). Many times their reasoning will be that they could never become physically involved with someone they weren't attracted to. But they are missing the point dating someone does not neccesarily mean sleeping with them and once you get know someone wonderful they become gorgeous to you.

    I have one close friend who married a heroin addict in October he steals from her (including selling their wedding set), cheats on her, he has forged her checks and he quit his job a week after they married so while she is at work all day he loafs and parties coming home at all hours of the night. She is a beautiful drug free lady but she has aged 10 years in 4 months. She tells me that when she thinks about leaving him she can't cause he's so cute (he is 21 and she is 34). I realize this is an extreme example but she has held on to this pattern for a really long time, with many other men.

    If you are wondering why I am still single it is because right now I am completely focused on completing my education. It is a goal that I set for myself 3 years ago,after my divorce (my ex is a nice guy too our problems had more to do with the borg than anything between the two of us) and I have been steadily working on it ever since.

    Marriage is not something that I am looking for right now. But I enjoy an active social life and good company. Someday when I do decide to married I can assure you it will be to a nice guy.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit