Step right up close Ladies and Gents.
LISTEN UP!!
Are ya fat? Ugly? Stupid? Do you slur your words or sound like a country bumpkin? Do ya have fallen arches and bad breath? Is your skin itchy and do you pass gas like jalopy with a bad valve? Don't despair! All you need is a COMPLETE OVERHAUL! Let us show you how to become so perfect you can laugh out loud as you watch the others who made fun of you die screaming in bewildered agony! Here's how. 1.First we convince you we know what we are talking about and NOBODY else does. a.We demonstrate the mistakes the other guys make. b.We show you how to ridicule authority and look smart. 2.Next, we show you what an extreme loser you are now and how we can fix that. a.We give you lessons in how to see yourself as part of a huge group of losers doomed to destruction. b.We invite you to surrender your worthless brain and join our group of winners. 3.As a special introductory offer we are prepared to love you so much (for a trial period ONLY) that you'll actually enjoy our endless spate of boring get-togethers at the local Kingdom Hall. You'll be the center of attention as we persuade, cajole, frighten and soothe you with our rhetoric. 4.Act now! This limited offer expires so soon you can't believe how close to the end we are! If you don't act now you'll be face down in the street with blood running like a garden hose. HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! YOU WORTHLESS LOSER. WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN HELP YOU SAVE YOUR MISERABLE ASS! Brought to you by the makers of WATCHTOWER magazine cult. (No competitor coupons accepted.)