Should I Return?

by Darth Rutherford 6 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Darth Rutherford

  We all are at different stages in our journey from the Watchtower organization. Some of us have been free for years, and some of us are at that moment of initial discovery. As for me, though I began to conscientiously fade just a few months ago, my discovery actually began years ago - even while serving as an elder.

  I have no illusions that this journey will be easy. I have some close friends still in the organization, and I do not wish to leave them behind. I love these people - they are like family. I know there may come a point where they will be pressured by others to stop associating with a person "weak ini the truth." I hope that doesn't happen, but I am actually curious to see how they'll act if that day should arrive.

  Nevertheless, at times when the elders turn up their pharisaical pressure, I do feel the temptation to "just return to the meetings" and get them off my back. I have a friend who is doing just that - going through the motions though his heart and mind are elsewhere.

  I've been pondering if there's a real benefit in doing that. It certainly would be the easy choice. However, a scripture came to my attention today that I'd like to share for others in a similar situation: "Can a man rake together fire into his bosom and yet his very garments not be burned? Or can a man walk upon the coals and his feet themselves not be scorched?" -Proverbs 6:27, 28.

  Of course, the context of those verses deal with immorality. Nevertheless, the principle has touched my heart and helped me stay resolute in my decision. How can I return to the meetings and go through the motions, yet remain unharmed by this organization? By remaining in close association with those whose disposition it is to control my behavior, information, thinking, and emotions would be the same as raking fire into my bosom! I will certainly be burned - adding to the scars already received from a lifetime of being misled.

  Thus, I am reminded once again that Jesus warned his disciples, "Look out that you are not misled; for many will come on the basis of my name, saying, 'I am he,' and, 'The due time has approached.' Do not go after them." (Luke 21:8) Yes, Jesus told his disciples strictly to stay away from these people, groups, and organizations. He knew that any who followed these would suffer terrible mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical harm. (For points I learned from this wonderful and important scripture: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/scandals/217255/1/Luke-21-8-Who-Should-We-Really-Avoid)

  Many of us here are a living testimony to the harm that comes from this organization. We, by choice or not, have had our garments burned and our feet scorched; but, we have been freed from the furnace! I WILL NOT RETURN.
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  ziddina

  Okay......

  I was going to respond, "Hell NO!" to your question, but now I see that it was purely rhetorical...

  Good choice, I think - but there's much to be said for a stealthy "fade", too, especially if you play "innocent" and are able to get your family out, too...

  Zid
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  mauiboy

  For some people going back is the only thing to do. For others, it would lead to disaster....for myself I truly belive the only reason I didn't end my life was becasue I finally (after 40 years)realized the cause of my depression wasn't 'chemical imbalance'.....it was heart/mind imbalance. My heart could not believe; even tho my mind said 'just do this...it's 'the truth'. From what you have said, your sound reasoning and willingness to look to the Bible's principles to guide your decsion-making; I'd have to say you've made the right choice. Stick to it. Best wishes for the difficulties you may face ahead. I wish you the same peace and happiness I have found.
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  alanv

  Hi Darth, It's not easy for anyone to leave but especially an elder or mini servant. I faded 15 years ago successfully and the witnesses never call at my house now. Then a few years ago my grown up son joined and simply would not listen to anything I told him about the org. That was hard to deal with. But I am so glad I did leave, because like you I could no longer live a lie.
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  Honesty

  I've been pondering if there's a real benefit in doing that. It certainly would be the easy choice. However, a scripture came to my attention today that I'd like to share for others in a similar situation: "Can a man rake together fire into his bosom and yet his very garments not be burned? Or can a man walk upon the coals and his feet themselves not be scorched?" -Proverbs 6:27, 28. Of course, the context of those verses deal with immorality.

  Spiritual immorality steals one's soul.
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  rebel8

  In the course of a normal life, friends come and go.

  It's hard to lose them all at once and may seem impossible to cope with, but the truth is, the sun will rise tomorrow.

  "But things won't be the same," you might say. Yep, they won't, but that doesn't mean the new will be intolerable or unpleasant.

  People who leave you for being true to yourself and doing the right thing aren't necessarily worth chasing after.
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  Morbidzbaby

  I have had the same doubts in the past. I wondered if it might be easier to just talk to the elders and let them "encourage me" and then return to the fold. In truth, it would have been easier in some ways. I wouldn't have to deal with my ex not trusting anything I say or do because I was still an active JW and he could hold the threat of the elders over my head. I wouldn't have to lose so-called friends. I wouldn't be alone.

  But, in actuality, the lonliest I have ever felt in my life has always been at the Kingdom Hall. I never felt "refreshed" when I left. It was more a feeling of mental exhaustion. The only positive aspect of the meetings was spending the entire time looking forward to the possibility of joining some "friends" afterward at a restaurant! THAT was when I had fun and enjoyed myself. But should I go against my own conscience, my own heart, and sit through 10 meetings just because I get to possibly go out with people 5 times? That's like asking if I should endure 10 beatings because after 5 of them I'll get some ointment on my wounds. It makes no sense. So I walked away from the beatings.

  Dealing with the elders is not easy for a lot of people. Some here have had to have cease and desist orders put on them because of their harrassment. I thankfully didn't have to go to such lengths. I had to deal with repeated phone calls which were from an "Unknown Caller" or I didn't recognize the number. When I didn't answer, they wouldn't leave a message. I only figured out who it was after a week of the same number calling 4 times a day and the elder FINALLY left a message. There was only once that they caught me off-guard over the phone, calling under the ruse of asking for my Field Circus time and then launching into a schpiel about coming back to meetings. After some rather "unscriptural behavior" on my part, they started calling to "meet with me". Other times, they would just show up without calling and knock on my door. They did catch me a few times that way, but I always made a show of being too busy. They came one time before I had to go to work (like an hour before lol) and I told them I had to go to work in a few minutes. They insisted we talk for a bit. I told them "No, I really don't have the time, but thanks for your concern". They tried to pin me down on a day and time they could come by. I told them my schedule is all over the place, sometimes I'm here, sometimes I'm not, I'm working 2 jobs, and on my weekends I'm never here at all". I'm pretty sure that was the last time they attemtped to speak to me privately.

  Now, to be fair, there were a couple of these elders that I truly loved. They had become like family. They weren't the pompous overlords I had known in my childhood growing up in the org. These men genuinely cared. But, I couldn't take the chance of talking to them and then be labelled an apostate. I couldn't take the risk of getting disfellowshipped at that time. I wish that one elder in particular could have been reasoned with alone. He was new on the "Governing Body's Task Force" and was a very kind and meek man. I wish I could have talked some sense into him so he could have gotten his wife and kids out. They were a very nice and loving family (converts, not born-ins).

  The only way I truly escaped the hounding was to move out of the territory. Quite a few here have had success with that. No one knows them, no one knows their past, they can celebrate what they want, put up decorations(if that's what they want), and be truly free.

  Going back only seems easier when you're desperate for the hounding to stop. But there are ways to stop it without going back. You just have to be either creative or patient...or both.