When is it time to fully open up to a spouse

by ihadnoidea 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  ihadnoidea

  Recently my very active JW wife has been more critical of the WT and some of their stances. She has particularly been critical of topics that hit home to some of the things going on in lives of our families. I am still going through the motions as an active servant, but I am mentally out. I am wondering when do I fully tell her I do not believe in the org anymore. When do you get enough vibes to open up? I am really thinking now that she would be receptive to an honest discussion of the WT and the Bible, but I could also be seeing what I want to see. I could be very wrong, and mess things up. What was some of the signs that told you to open up fully?

  I should also describe what I mean by opening up. I have had discussion on some doubts I have, but the discussion is usually very one side (really more of a lecture rather then a discussion). Usually I present a doubt and then I am given a wait on jehovah speech. I then stop talking for fear of raising any suspicions.
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  iamwhoiam

  The more you listen to her talk without judgement, the more she will open up to you about her doubts. I would wait and tell her after there is no doubt in your mind she doesnt want anything to do with the org. I had a few people talk to me about their doubts on more than one occasion, but then they just say, "Jehovah has nothing but dust to work with" or "It's still his chosen organization." Me being an MS who is also mentally out am glad I didn't take the risk of blowing it. I also stay in only for family.
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  Found Sheep

  Listen Listen Listen!!!! If she has a topic that she is critical about get her to talk about that more!!! You can do small stuff but if you drop the bomb the walls will go up.... that was just my experiance my hubby helping me out
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  mac n cheese
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  Found Sheep

  what's up mac and cheese.... kinda quiet
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  THE GLADIATOR

  The answers you have had are good advice. Listen but don’t lecture. If you attempt to make your wife move ahead too fast she may become defensive. An attack on her cherished beliefs could be seen as a personal attack on her. Softly, softly catchee monkey.
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  leavingwt

  You should only have this conversation when you've decided that you are prepared to get a divorce, lose custody of your children and lose at least 50% of your belongings.

  JWs often divorce apostate mates.
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  IsaacJ22

  The only thing I would add to these suggestions is this: the next time she speaks up about an issue, encourage her to say more. Ask reasonable questions. Then acknowledge it when you think she has made a good point.

  Don't ask her an overtly JW question, like, "But don't you think it's still the truth?" Just ask the kind of questions that get her to say more, then encourage her by letting her know when you agree. Take it slow, but after a time, you could start adding to her comments. As in, "Yeah! You know something else about that one is..."

  Eventually, she'll build up enough confidence with you that SHE may actually ask YOU if you want to stay in. Or it will become obvious that the two of you are on the same wave length and you can finally know that it's safe to open up.
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  wha happened?

  I'm at an impasse at the moment. I can't completley open up as it just send her into a terrible mood. She talks occasionnaly in the negative, but she will still make the public talk. I'm resolved in having some ex JW friends, only a few of those wifey will associatte with
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi ihadnoidea and I wish you lots of luck with your wife. I agree with the other posters to listen and ask simple questions like, "How does that make you feel?" Also, I would recommend reading Steve Hassan's books (i.e., Combatting Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves), visiting Steve Hassan's website (www.freedomofmind.com), and planning fun outings with your wife that initially don't interfere with meetings and then partially interfere with attending meetings. When your wife would rather go on a fun outings with you than attend a meeting, you will be able to ask her questions about how does she feel about WTBTS' doctrines when she knows that you love her more than anything else and she feels safe telling you how she really feels.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert