Embarrassed As A Witness

by EmptyInside 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  EmptyInside

  Even as a Witness,I was uncomfortable talking about everything we believed. I remember working with my brother out and service and he found an interested person. My brother was sharing information out of the Bible teach book. He was reading about the account of Eden,the serpent,whole bit. I could the tell the man was getting rather weirded out. And as we were leaving my brother mentioned that may have been too much information on the first visit.

  It's true,we know that the householders need to be conditioned to accept certain facts. No Witness would start talking about blood transfusions on the first visit. It's a gradual thing.

  I especially was uncomfortable talking about Satan the Devil,it just seemed like one warped fairytale. I guess I always knew deep down inside,something was not quite right. I wish I would have listened to my gut much sooner.
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  cult classic

  I was always embarrassed once my bible studies progressed. I never felt comfortable explaining prophecies and the way the org is structured. Being familiar with two words would have helped me tremendously.

  Cognitive Dissonance.
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  Band on the Run

  I recall Freddie Franz giving the big lecture on 1975 at Yankee Stadium. He went through the factors in his calculation. Eve's menstruation cycle was mentioned. Freddie knew she did not menstruate before the Fall. I was a teenager and embarassed. Menstruation was rarely mentioned in public then. Times have certainly changed. I sinked in my chair.

  One female friend was scathing about Witness beliefs. She was Presbyterian. I was determined to give a good witness. The points she raised were valid. Her manner was very arrogant. It was more your parents are total jerks and mine are perfect -- even tho her father abandoned her. It happened in the classroom. The teacher listened. I just kept going and going. Her entire church discussed her father's conduct. I just realized I don't know the first moment I completely doubted. I never liked it. Maybe there wasn't a single moment of epiphany.

  Our 7th grade science class included evolution. I pulled every adult book that the WT mentioned and checked the quotes -- without reading the text in context. My teacher gave me a D. The response from my classmates was strong that I deserved an A for time and effort. He had to change my grade to a B+. I was so certain the WT had to be right. My parents just had to right. I believe the Beatles helped me leave. There was a break in the generations. Ultimately, I had more loyalty to my own generation.

  Blood transfusions were embarassing. The time spent in meetings and Wt study were embarassing. I feel sorry for every single child raised in this faith.
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  WhereWasI

  I used to wonder why I couldn't "incidental witness". I can remember situations where I felt I should "witness"...Why couldn't I? I figured I was weak, inept and unworthy. I think I commented at the meetings about 10 times in my 30 years of being in it. Always wondered WHY I couldn't comment. I must be worthless...what is wrong with me? If only I knew those two words Cognitive Dissonance, then I would have known why.
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  White Dove

  Suffered with CD my whole life growing up in it.

  I used to have to get angry and mean with myself to make myself do the right thing and be a good JW.

  It was very difficult.
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  PaintedToeNail

  I always hated it when someone started in about 'war broke out in heaven, and down the great dragon was hurled' (or something to that effect), I always wondered 'who is going to understand that?'.

  CJ
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  jamiebowers

  I was too at times. Surely every jw has had moments like that?
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  EmptyInside

  I'm sure most do,but they would be afraid to admit it. I know I was ashamed of myself for being embarrassed for the beliefs. It made me feel weak and lacking faith.
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  Morbidzbaby

  I quit talking at doors when I was 14... After that, I was always just along for the ride with whoever my service partner was (usually my ex-husband). I was always embarrassed to hear what the JW's believed (and I didn't believe) being spouted at the door or during a bible study...or when a new person was at the KH! I knew we looked like freaks to these people and I hated it! I refused to speak at the doors or answer because I could NOT bring myself to lie to innocent people and have a hand in bringing them into the cult.
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  WTWizard

  I never liked discussing the laws against fornication--which could be used against me in any way at any time. Especially when I didn't believe how two people (both adults) who consent to sex with each other could be both violating the other's rights.