I'm stuck in limbo, what to do?

by conflicted 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  conflicted

  If you don't know my past I'll paraphrase: basically, I got away from the dubs, but their teachings, dogma, doctine, mindset still have grips on aspects of my life. I just can't let some of it go.

  I was raised in the "truth" and left because I wanted a life of my own. I didn't have doubts about their teachings, but resolved myself to die at the big A so I could have a real life now. That was twelve years ago, and up intil about a year ago (when I found this board) I still believed their doctrines, but lived my life for myself nonetheless. As a result I never got a chance to get rid of their baggage, I was hell and gone from them before I found out they were false. I was living a life where the world could end at any moment and unlike hopeful dubs who think they might make it through, I knew I was going to die. Now I know that isn't going to happen and I've got a long life to look forward to. Great, but...

  Hindsight being what it is, I now see how learning more about their false teachings and slowly moving away would have been better, but I quit cold turkey. I never learned how to make friends, how to function as normal - it's what I wanted more than anything, I was willing to die for it. But when push came to shove I went into limbo.

  I didn't want to go back, but I also didn't know how to make it as a 'worldling'. My problem is that as a child raised in the "truth" I was taught to fear the world until I got old enough to fight it - I left before I made that transition and some of that fear lingers.

  I had the courage to leave them with only death to look forward to, but not enough courage to jump in and be 'with the world'.

  I've got a pretty good life now, but I still feel like an outsider looking in, like I don't belong. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm crying out for help, more like I'm bouncing my expeience out to see what comes back. I've tried to have this discussion with my wife, but she was never a JW, and doesn't understand why I can't let this go.
• 

  ThiChi

  Have you read Ray Franz second book, In Search of Christian Freedom? If not, do so. It will open your eyes to that aspect that still haunts you..........
• 

  conflicted

  No, I haven't read any of his books.

  Do you think In Search would still help even though I don't consider myself Christian anymore?
• 

  mikepence

  Christian Freedom is an oxymoron.

  Go read "On Human Nature", the Pulitzer Prize winning book by Harvard Biology Professor E. O. Wilson.

  "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." --Groucho Marx
• 

  ThiChi

  Yes. It will give you a good perspective of where you have been and why. From this advantage, you to can move forward. I can tell you have already progressed, it can be hard, but you are not alone.

  Ray talks about what a "free people" must endure sometimes......
• 

  ThiChi

  “Christian Freedom is an oxymoron.” Non sequester.

  Other reading: The Road Less Traveled, by Dr. Scot Peck.

  Man, I have been right where you are, quit "cold" too. E-mail me if you would like, we can talk.....
• 

  Francois

  I'd recommend that you read "People of the Lie" also by M. Scott Peck. Reminds me a lot of the JWs. And frankly, I'd read both of Ray's books.

  Francois
• 

  teenyuck

  Hi conflicted,

  I have not read either of his books yet, however, I can give you my perspective.

  I drifted away about 18 years ago. My mother's family and my mother are ardent JW's. I hear the JW stuff everytime I speak to my mother. My mother was baptized when I was 5. She is a third generation JW.

  I got lucky. I moved out of state about 12 years ago. My husband and I moved 5 times, to 5 different states in the last 12 years, due to his job. I was forced to meet new people and make new friends. It has not been easy.

  I also went back to college. I had started when I was 18 and went for 4 years without graduating. 4 years ago, I went back to complete my degree. I am still in touch with people I met in school.

  I also went back to school on our last move to Ohio. I enrolled in law school and completed a paralegal program. I also met some great people there who I stay in touch with.

  I really understand your dilemma. I find it very hard to trust people. When I have met someone and they bring up holidays (at work or play, people always talk about the holidays) I tell them we did not celebrate XXXX holiday because I was raised as a JW. They looked shocked and ask "are you still one?"

  No, I assure them, I am out. This always makes for interesting conversation. Most people I have met, who I might want to be friends with, have been very understanding.

  It took alot of time for me to get past armageddon and the beliefs I was indoctrinated with. That is why I am on this board. I have met many people like myself who are trying to figure out how/why they believed what they did.

  For me, going to college had a hugh impact on my ability to meet people. I realized when I was 18 that the world is not made up of hateful, God hating people. Most people want to live a good life. It took me awhile to realize and accept that the JW's were wrong on that...and so much more. When I went back to school as an adult, I really blossomed.

  My husband does not really understand either; he was raised a Catholic.

  I am not suggesting that you move or even go to school. Perhaps you can take a class in something that interests you...cooking, art, pottery..anything. It really helps as a way to meet people and start to trust your social skills.

  I wish I could tell you that there is an easy way to make the transition.
• 

  conflicted

  Thanks for your input - it looks like I have some reading to do.

  ThiChi - check your mail

  Puffsrule - Thank you for your perspective. I think my trouble is comming from a different angle though. You see, I have friends, I have acquaintences, what I need is someone I can talk to on a personal level about specific problems relating to the JW/exJW world.

  I've been posting here for a year, and though it's been helpful to a point, I think I need a more 'real' relationship than cyberspace allows. (On the other hand, maybe I havn't opened up enough before to let the board help.)

  We'll see.

  Thanks all - I'm feeling better already.

  I'll check back in the morning, (I post from work). Everything is always better ing the morning.
• 

  Beck_Melbourne

  hey there conflicted

  I can relate to you as I can with so many who post on here. I also chose to make the most of this 'temporary' life in this system...in exchange for the everlasting life I used to believe in. I was so lonely that first 12 months...if it wasn't for my brother...who is also DA...I don't know what I would have done. Prior to leaveing the borg my whole life was 'the truth'...my upbringing...my friends....my conduct....my speech...my style of dress...my whole attitude towards non believers....everything was 'truth' orientated. When I left...I felt so socially stunted....I still am even after 3 years being out. I have few friends...even at work I don't mix that easily. But despite the bumps along the way...I know I will never go back. Yes I had lots of friends in the borg....and I had honour and respect being an elder's wife...but now I have "freedom" and I wouldn't swap it for all the tea in china.

  I learnt from reading many comments and stories on here that there are people out there like us....born into in...lived it....resented it...left it. And along the way we have picked up some baggage that many of us offload on here...why? Because it feels good to talk to others who understand.

  Don't feel like an outsider...because on here you're not...nor are you a worldie...nor are you an apostate....because you have to believe that "shite" to be one. I say keep walking buddy...and don't look back or you will turn into a pillar of salt LOL.

  Beck