I need divorce advice !!!

by nightwing02 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • nightwing02
    nightwing02

    neither my wife or i have committed adultery ,we have just grown apart and annoy each other to death what shall i do?

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    Get marriage counseling-from someone who has had training...ie: Not the Elders!

  • Sunbeam
    Sunbeam

    Hi NW

    I've lived through three divorce experiences vicariously - my dad's been divorced twice and my best friend nearly killed herself whilst she was in the throes of dissolving her marriage. Believe me, it's not somewhere you want to go if you can at all avoid it.

    I don't know your history, but it sounds to me as though you've got something in common - you both annoy each other (just kidding). But seriously, why don't you try ignoring the things that she does that annoy you, stop doing the things that annoy her and see what happens.

    You could start today - with a Valentine (unless she's a JW).

    Love
    Sunbeam
    xxxx

  • Cowboy
    Cowboy

    Nightwing,the exact same thing is happening here...We've tried the counseling thing,and basically just came away more annoyed.But it's sure worth a try,it can help.If you want to save it by all means,get to work on it.We let it go for years before we tried to fix it,and I'm afraid now it's beyond repair.Best of luck,whatever you decide to do.

    Cowboy

    We ride and never worry about the fall
    I guess that's just the cowboy in us all

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    The only reason to stay together is because you want to. Even if you are a JW you can legally separate. Mind you then you will lose any "privileges" in the cong and you will be marked - oh and you won't be free to pursue another relationship - but you may both get some peace.

    If you decide to try to save the relationship - by all means get professional counseling. It really can help if that is what you BOTH really want.

    And as much as possible keep the elders out of it. If you do choose to separate - you won't be able to do this but at least you can limit the damage they do by their non-professional assistance

    Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
    Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
    Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
    Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002

  • MegaDude
    MegaDude

    Simply ask yourself: What do you want? Take some time and really think about it.

    If you choose divorce, see if you can split everything without hiring attorneys who will eat your lunch financially. Hire one lawyer to draw up the papers, and you can usually get your divorce done for under $500.

  • plmkrzy
    plmkrzy

    Secretly you and your spouse go to a hypnotist and while under be taken back to the time you first fell in love and re-live it. I’ve heard a few cases where this has done remarkable things to put the fire back into relationships. Of course both of you have to be willing. Even if it doesn’t work for you in your case you will have had something to do together for a while. Can’t hurt.
    I hate to see people break up unless they just can't stand each other anymore. You guy's are probably just board and need to get you adrinilin pumping again for each other.

  • KJV
    KJV

    You need to study the "Family" book together while taking some micro-dots! :D Actually, alot of apostates have turned to wife swapping, porno, and weed to help keep together their marriages. As long as you haven't committed adultery on each other your marriage problems can be resolved. Your personalities are not compatable...like puff said..see a marrige counsler.

  • TR
    TR

    NW,

    any kids in the house? If there are, you should do what you can to stay together, unless you or your wife are evil or destructive in some way. The kids are the most important factor.

    TR

    I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
    --Robert Frost, 1935

  • mommy
    mommy

    TR That was my question!

    Nightwing,
    As others have suggested try counselling before the break up. It is amazing what a third party observer can do for a relationship. If there are kids then I say counselling is a must before any attempts at breaking up. Also if there are children, your feelings do not matter in this case, sorry to be blunt but that is how I feel. You must learn to hold your tongue and make sure they are comfortable at all times. Not saying you should stay if you are miserable, I am saying if you are miserable, they don't have to know. And if you are really annoyed at your wife for doing something, then hold your tongue in front of the kids. It just irks me to death to see how juvenile some adults are in front of their children. lol My sister is going through a seperation now, and her hubby is staying with us. There is more garbage I am putting up with, due to her acting like a teenager, I can handle it, the kids are confused.

    Anywho I hope the best for you. I am sure if you keep things amicable and stay open with each other you can remain great friends. There are many who have done just that. It does require both parties to reason as adults though, which is tough at times when feelings are hurt. Good Luck!
    wendy

    When I leave, you will know I have been here

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