In my new apartment ....

by Dudu 8 Replies latest social family

  • Dudu

    I moved in my new apartment last Saturday and Ive been little by little organizing the stuffs, I feel soooooooooo good in here, is peaceful, clean, safe area. Yesterday my JW mom came to visit and since ive been under stress ... she doesnt like the way i organize things, she complains about everything and the worse she keeps talking about religion and the bible..... I dont want to hurt her feelings but i dont feel like inviting her to stay over for the weekend anymore. So, how can i avoid that she comes for the weekend without hurting her feelings? :S

  • Shador

    Buy a copy of "Crisis of Conscience" by Ray Franz and/or anything by Ricard Dawkins and leave them prominantly displayed on your coffee table. She'll leave right quick.

  • Dudu

    hahahhaha that was a good one ....

  • Ding

    I don't know if you can totally.

    If she gets offended by your independent choices, she gets offended.

    That's her choice, really; you can't control it.

    Sounds like she's having trouble making the transitition from the days when you were a young child.

    Try focusing the conversation on other things.

    If that doesn't work, just tell her you prefer to talk about other things.

    You are under no obligation to invite her to stay the weekend.

    Don't let her manipulate you by making you feel guilty.

    Don't argue with her.

    Instead, tell her what you are going to do and be a broken record.

    "Mom, I really don't want to discuss religion or the Bible now."

    No matter what questions she asks or statement she makes to try to override your decision, just smile and repeat that statement until she understands that you mean business.

    "Mom, I really don't want to discuss religion or the Bible now."

    "Well, when do you want to discuss it?"

    "I don't know."

    If she says you should be better organized, just agree with her and let the conversation drop.

    "You really ought to be better organized..."

    "You may be right; I'm sure I could be better organized."

    Drop that conversation and start talking about something else.

    If she starts straightening up your stuff, tell her you don't want her doing that; it's your place, not hers.

    If she persists and you're tired of it, it's time for mom to leave.

    She may take offense, but in the long run, she will learn to live with you standing up for yourself.

  • Dudu

    Thank you Ding, I have this place for 2 main reasons, one is to start my new business, which by the way is doing pretty good, and two , to stand up for myself... i am taking my own decisions and taking responsability for them, i really dont want her to be noisy in her every weekend or staying over for sleeping, at least not in regular basis...

  • skeeter1

    Get involved with a club that meets on the weekend. Sailing, hiking, biking, etc. You'll get out and meet people, and she will not be able to come over as you are not always home. But, you should meet her for lunch, shopping, movie, etc. She'll like getting out, I mean really out. If it's just the two of you sitting in an apartment, then she's going to go into preaching/house study mode.

    One can never be organized enough. I need to clean my desk!


  • Dudu

    Thank you all for you advices , ill try to some nice suggestions :)

  • Ding

    There's an older book entitled "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty."

    It's all about techniques for asserting your independence without getting into arguments or giving unnecessary offense.

    It should be available through your library system.

    It has helped me, and I recommend it for your consideration.

  • rebel8

    Just be honest and open.

    Religion is not a welcome topic of conversation in your home. If she is not willing to abide by that then let her know how that will change your relationship.

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