Continuing story of relative's funeral

by Lynnie 4 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Lynnie

    A couple of weeks ago I posted about how my uber witness cousin told me I wouldn't be welcome at my aunt's family gathering after the memorial service at the Kingdom Hall. (I've been DF'd for 35 year now). He did invite me to the Kingdom Hall for the service but it was clear I wasn't welcome at the family gathering afterwards since I asked him flat out. And half of my family are not witnesses, his sister was a JW but married a nonbeliever and was allowed to leave the JWs without any consequences. In fact at the time (36 years ago) she told be that you could leave the JW's anytime you like. Of course that didn't happen to me, I had elders stalking me 2 years after I left and then they finally had enough evidence to DF me. Anyway, I decided to write a letter to my uber witness cousin telling him how hurtful and cruel his treatment of me was on this sad occasion and why couldn't he find it in his heart to invite me to the family gathering when half the people there weren't even witnesses. His oldest daugther is married and working at Bethel and his youngest is a pioneer and the middle daughter won't have anything to do with the JW's. funny!

    Well he actually replied to my letter but somehow turned the whole situation around on me saying "just for the record, I'm not the one that brought up the issue of you coming and it wasn't my judgement call since the gathering was at my dad's house (my uncle who is not a witness)" He also said "I recall you saying that it probably wouldn't be a good idea if I showed up to the gathering and I agreed with you." Well of course people hear what they want to hear and that's not what I said at all!! I asked a direct question to him after he so graciously invited me to the KH where no one would speak to me; " I would be much more interested in coming to the family gathering, would I be invited to that?" That's when he shrugged and held his hands up and said NOTHING, meaning NO you would not be welcome. then he went on to say in the letter that "I drew my own conclusion that I shoudn't come to the family gathering" and "we would love to have you come to a meeting anytime and we would welcome you with open arms and it would be a very happy occasion for us" WTF? Really? What a bunch of political double speak from my uber elder witness. Very frustrating for sure but in his mind he didn't tell me not to come and he can justify it anyway he wants to let himself off the hook! Next time there is a family gathering with my cousin's sister and her family around and his family too I'm not asking permission anymore I'm going to show up and see how that flies! HA HA! Wonder what he'll do then?

  • journey-on
    Next time there is a family gathering with my cousin's sister and her family around and his family too I'm not asking permission anymore I'm going to show up and see how that flies!
    That's how you do it! (Just hope "next time" is a wedding and not a funeral :-(
  • mrsjones5

    I think its despicable the way you're being treated by your own family. Reminds me of the saying "familiaity breeds contempt". You have my sympathies.

    For the last two years running my family and I have been purposely uninvited and left out of a gathering that my jw parents have been having on Thanksgiving day. I am not a jw, have never been baptized nor has my husband ever been a jw. My siblings are not jws and have also never been baptized. The reason why my family aren't invited? My parents do not like my husband because he's not a jw, he's black (yeah long story behind that one), and he's disabled (that's the latest reason which works out to they don't believe that my husband is disabled and that he purposely lost our house so he could go on SSDI).

    The holidays are coming up again and I feel my parents will pull the same crap again, I also have no faith that my siblings won't go along with the crap like they have for the last two years. If my parents decide to invite my family and I to their house for Thanksgiving I will decline the invite. I'm not that desperate.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    I can't speak for your family dynamics, but I'd suggest focusing 100% on your non-JW family. Spend time with them and get to know them really well. When circumstances like this come up where you have to talk to a JW family member, it helps if you have a non-JW family member in earshot. The JWs conduct toward you will likely change drastically. JWs are trained to be most prickish in confidentiality and around other JWs. When they have to be around nonJWs, they typically are much more self-conscious about what they say and how it will be perceived.

  • Lynnie

    I think what bothered me the most was that my cousin wouldn't acknowledge that he did indeed tell me I wasn't invited; that I drew my own conclusion about attending the gathering!!! Yeah with your help! but in his mind of course he didn't do anything at all just agree with me???

    Oh and the part about being welcomed at the KH?? Really? I don't think they have changed their policy on DF'd people.

    and yes I'll concentrate more on my non JW side of the family and eventually there will be another gathering and I'll attend and see how Mr Uber Edler acts then with his non-witness family members and me. Should be entertaining to say the least!!

Share this