Hurricane Irene Relief funds

by OnTheWayOut 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    Dear brothers and sisters,

    We have searched the entire east coast to find at least a handful of your spiritual brothers and sisters that were adversely affected somehow by Hurricane Irene. Having found them, we would like to address the dozens and maybe hundreds of letters and emails and phone calls that are sure to come any minute now. Yes, Watchtower will be helping them out. It may be that we will send volunteers using their own vehicle and their own gas to patch their roofs, but we will spring for the shingles or maybe we will just give them 40 hours of credit toward their month as pioneers so they can patch their own damned roof. But rest assured, we will help them.

    That said, of course we want you to send your donations toward that help. With disasters in the past, we saw how much you all wanted to help with clothing and food and even automobiles. We saw what a goldmine such goodwill on the part of our people could be for us. Therefore, we established the "money-only" donation arrangement and we insisted that you don't earmark your donation specifically for the disaster relief, just in case we have a little left over to use for "other" things. (We made a killing on that Tsunami thing in Asia where virtually no Witnesses were affected.)

    So, it's time again to dig deep and send extra money for a specific purpose without insisting that it go for that specific purpose. Please approach the elders if you are cash-strapped so they can explain how you can also donate family heirloom jewelry or refinance your mortgage to help out.

    If you were adversely affected by Hurricane Irene, please tell the elders so they can pass it on to us. Maybe we'll get the RBC to find someone to fix your roof if the local brothers donate enough money for us to spring for the shingles. Or, maybe we'll credit you with 40 hours of field service if you have been a longtime faithful suckass pioneer.

    Sincerely, The Governing Body

  • leavingwt

    PS: Don't send Prayer Requests. You know what your problems are -- pray for yourself!

  • OnTheWayOut

    P.S. Some of our members in the Caribbean were affected. If you all send enough for us to get a GB member a first-class ticket to the Bahamas with a luxury hotel, he promises to add visiting these brothers to his trip. That way, he can give a special talk and ask if the local volunteers have patched all the roofs yet. Maybe even a bunch of us will go, we really need a vacation.

  • designs

    Giving Talks helps.

  • jamiebowers

    P.S. Please ignore the fact that we'll have brothers and sisters sign over their homeowners insurance checks to the Watchtower after volunteers fix the damaged houses. Your monetary donations are still expected. And for Christ's sake, don't earmark the funds for disaster relief. After all, Jehovah needs all the money he can get to pay off child sex abuse victims who have the nerve to bring lawsuits against his earthly organization.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Yes, I did forget to mention that if volunteers pay their own way to get to you and use the shingles we paid for, then we expect you to sign your entire insurance check over to us. Don't worry whether the amatuer volunteers did a good job or not and the insurance paid for professionals; Armageddon will come any minute now and those amatuer repairs will last long enough. Besides, Jehovah will protect you a little better than he did before the storm if you sign over that check.

  • dinah

    This would be funny, only it's absolutely true.

    CNN reporting that Paterson, NJ is flooding badly.

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