The obsession of being a JW, and the obsession of an EX-JW is just as strong

by sinis 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • sinis

    After being on this forum for a long time, I am starting to realize that the obsession devoted to and surrounding leaving the organization is just as strong, if not stronger, than the obsession for the WTS as a current JW. Its like a tiny bug eating and crunching away at the inner ear. Is this healthy? I don't think so. I like coming here from time to time, but I think most of us now have the anti-obsession once held when we were current, faithful JW's. Maybe, this trait is strong because we all know we were fucked in some way, shape, or form and are on a personal mission? Humans are strange...

  • AGuest

    Greetings, dear Sinis, and peace to you! I get what you're saying, but is it possible that folks who talk about/discuss/related/share/meet up/have apostafests... and even frequent boards like this, etc.... perhaps even for years... do so because of a commonality with others that allows them to still be part of the "same" community? People tend to prefer to spend time with people who can relate to them and/or their experiences. And so they often search out... and maybe even "hang out" with... people who either think like them, "get" them, or at least "get" their experience ("Yeah, man, I know JUST how you feel/what you mean on that issue!" or "No, I don't see it like that, but I understand why YOU might.").

    If nothing else, the WTBTS is a "community"... indeed, one of the most exclusive on the planet... where everyone knows everyone or someone who knows someone who knows something. There is even an exclusive "language" consisting of words such as FDS, GB, theocratic this and that, field service, ministry school, Bethel, Old/New Covenant, 144,000, great crowd, Armageddon, Insight Book, Watchtower, Awake, Young People Ask... as well as a plethora of other words, phrases, and even scriptures/verses that are almost singularly unique to the WTBTS. And throwing any one of them out let's a fellow JW/exJW know YOU "know"... what THEY know.

    Being like an exJW, then, can be similar to being, say, a German... or an Italian... a Californian. All communities that have their own territories, language... legislature... judiciary... and laws. Like one that has been displaced, even disenfranchised from his/her community. A community that even has its own kind of sanctioning... and "civil" punishment.

    For some, then, perhaps their "obsession" is not obsession at all... but more like the conduct of an ex-patriate: such ones have either left or been banished/exiled from their home country. For born ins, the country of their birth. True, due to the tyrannical rule of the "government", they came to hate their homeland and all it represents. And they're frustrated with and disgusted about some (most) of their former fellow "citizens" . But it is still their homeland and so the concern, curiousity, and talk... are "natural." As natural as, say, an exiled/refugee Sudanese thinking HIS homeland, while living in, say, Egypt. Nothing good ever happened to him in the Sudan (from his POV)... but it's still the Sudan and his homeland. If ANYONE can talk about, surely HE can.

    And so, for these, it's simply like discussing the homeland with fellow ex-pats. It gives THEM... a "connection." Not necessarily the ONLY connection they make as exJWs... but certainly an important one to them.

    Or, perhaps you're right: folks are merely obsessed. I don't doubt that as to some, but I think that that's rare, even the exception to the rule.

    Again, peace to you!

    YOUR servant and slave of Christ,


  • kazar


    You made some very good points. Excellent observation and one of the best I've heard describing as to how we as JW's and JW's connect

  • kazar

    Sorry, that's supposed to be JW's and XJW's.

  • paulnotsaul

    Sinis, so true. I think all of us in our efforts to find the truth caused us in essence to examine our belief in it which resulted in exiting it. I think the truth is that we are all different. We don't always see eye to eye, but we can look in each others eyes and be honest and sincere about how we feel about each other w/o fear of some ORG. punishing us. I'll admit sometimes I'm obsessed with it. Just like I was when a JW. You can never get enough knowledge. And SA, yea you nailed it! peaceAll paulnotsaul

  • dm6

    Aguest For once i didnt see anywhere in your post LOLOLOLOL.


    Peace be with you also..

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    I worry about this frequently. As long as I am so souped up about the Witnesses, they win. Indifference is the opposite of love/devotion. Hatred further enmeshes one into the org. There are certain aspects that make a forum such as this compelling. Few people know about JWs. The affirmation I've receive here concerning JW culture and current teachings has been powerful. I could only talk with such members here.

  • life is to short
    life is to short


    I loved your post and how you worded it. The religion is still a part of me and probably always will to a certain extent because it was all I ever knew being raised in it and being told since the day I was born it was the "truth".

    I know it is not the "truth" now but I was shaped and molded by it in many ways that I am still finding out about even though I do not like it.

    I just loved how you put it all together.


  • exwhyzee

    I know what you are saying Sinis...have thought the same thing myself many times.

    Being a JW was a way of life that most of us were thoroughly immersed in. We lived, breathed, ate, slept adn banked our entire future on "THE TRUTH" for a huge part of or existence on this earth. For better or worse, it will always be a part of us and will be a subject that we will be experts on. Visiting here makes that part of our life history at least count for something and makes the wasted years more bearable.

    People continue to attend class reunions many decades after having spent only a few short years in high school. The desire to make sense of and honor ones personal history is a common thread we all have.

  • sizemik

    I spent more than twenty years getting JWism stitched into every fabric of my being . . .

    So it may take a while to unpick all those stitches . . .

    So be it.

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