As Jehovah's Witnesses we Believe......... to sum it all up

stuckinamovement

That 99.9% of the world’s population is evil and will soon be destroyed by Jehovah

The Governing Body made up of 7 senior men in Brooklyn New York are the divinely appointed spokesmen for God on earth today.

If you don’t obey the Governing Body’s instructions and doctrines, you will die a violent death at Armageddon.

That Jesus is the mediator between God and Man for only 11,000 people on earth today and some 133,000 others already in heaven. The rest of mankind has to follow those 11,000 represented by the Governing Body to receive the benefits of the ransom.

Christ “invisibly” returned to rule the earth in 1914 and Satan was thrown to the earth at the same time. The proof of this invisible presence is that world conditions are deteriorating quickly.

If you want a chance of surviving Armageddon you must listen carefully and appreciatively as the 8 year old girl calling at your door on Saturday morning presents you with a magazine article on Cahokia Mounds. She is sent by Jehovah to reclaim you. Pay attention and live!

Everyone who is not a strong active Jehovah’s Witness is bad association and should be avoided this includes family who are not believers.

That to show respect for human life, God has forbidden the use of blood to save a persons life. However, God is fine with the use of blood fractions that add up to 99% of blood.

The prophet Elijah foreshadowed the work accomplished by JF Rutherford’s administration

The prophet Elisha foreshadowed the work accomplished by NH Knorr’s administration

The seven trumpet blasts in the book of Revelations were fulfilled by a series of 7 conventions of Bible Students in the 1920’s

That the vision of a statue recorded by Daniel some 2600 years ago, points to our time period specifically as the time of the end.

All Dinosaurs including T-Rex were vegetarians.

The Global Flood in Noah’s time is a fact despite scientific evidence otherwise

It is a waste of time and money to gain a higher education.

God would rather have us deliver religous magazines to starving, homeless, sick people, than to spend the same money, time, and effort in helping the sick, hungry, and homeless.

The only way to make God happy is to volunteer as much time and money as you can spare to contribute to the Watchtower Corporations efforts.

SIAM

wannabefree

That Jesus is the mediator between God and Man for only 11,000 people on earth today and some 133,000 others already in heaven. The rest of mankind has to follow those 11,000 represented by the Governing Body to receive the benefits of the ransom.

Amazing and true with a slight correction .... actually, you believe that the number is actually much lower and that many of them possibly profess to be in the exclusive covenant relationship due to mental disease.

unshackled

Good list, SIAM. Impressive collection of wacky beliefs. I'll add another: if a female leads a group in prayer or bible discussion, she must cover her head, not neccessarily a baseball cap but any makeshift chapeau will do, like a piece of tissue or a dish rag.

sir82

Adding to the list....

-- Changing religious affiliation is one of the most wonderful, intelligent, brave things a person can do. Unless he is currently one of Jehovah's Witnesses, in which case changing religious affiliation is the vilest, filthiest, most abhorrent thing imaginable, and anyone doing so is deserving of swift and violent death.

-- The person best qualified to help you with marital issues, suicidal thoughts, or child molestation issues is a "congregtion elder". A congregation elder has no training whatsoever in dealing with such issues, but does knock on the doors of empty houses every Saturday morning and has a dozen or so scriptures memorized. The most able of these elders can also figure out how to work a CD-ROM and can print off hundreds of pages of Watchtower articles for you, which may or may not tangentially deal with the problens you are facing.

-- Women are utterly unqualified and incapable of standing in front of a group of people and instructing them on "spiritual" matters

-- "Spirituality" is measured by numbers: How many hours per month you spend knocking on the doors of empty houses; how many times you raise your hand to read back a canned answer to a canned question; the number of times you volunteer to clean bathrooms in large buildings; it has nothing to do with generosity, charity, meditation, or self-discovery.

And so on.

stuckinamovement

Great additions Sir82

SIAM

Billzfan23

Earthquakes and their prevalence is a sign of the last days of mankind.

Clinking of glasses is wrong, as is toasting - but wearing wedding rings is OK. Thanksgiving and celebrations of independence are wrong, but anniversaries and graduations are OK.

Contributing to a YMCA or Red Cross is wrong, but learning to solicit paper materials "where the need is greater" is highly regarded! Masturbation is chronic sin (rubbing out an easy one) but blatantly fostering, protecting, excusing, and hiding KNOWN pedophiles is Jehovah's will.

AwareBeing

Great write up; stuckinamovement ! Though I will comment on one point.

The Diluvian Event, as referred to by many scientists; is far from being buried!

Despite current findings being interpreted by bold geologists as anti-Noahchian,

there are still counter arguments in the scientific world. So before one gives up faith

in the Bible on something that the verdict is not in on yet;

one would do well to think about texts that are true to science.

Atheism is a common trap for victims of RTS ; "religious trauma syndrome",

and many who suffered "religious abuse can't get themselves to go back to church.

Allot of use here are like that, and hopefully we won't allow the WT to destroy our faith

in God all because WT said they were the truth!

Thanks' stuckinamovement.

factfinder

Thanks siam! Very good posts everyone! (Sadly- I used to believe most of those things were true. )

WTWizard

That the hounders, who answer to people that want more hours of field circus time out of people, are better qualified to help people than someone that has years of training. Or that the Asleep! had better information on things than people that had 20 years of practice on those same things.

Prepare for a disaster? Listen to what's in the Asleep! or to the hounders, who will say you need to trust in Jehovah. Never mind those who have decades of experience with similar disasters or those who have had lengthy training. Prepare for financial Armageddon? Pay attention to the hounders, who will simply repeat that you need to trust in Jehovah. Never mind CNBC. Never mind Peter Schiff. Never mind your broker. Never mind those who have studied these things and know what can happen, as did in Germany in the 1920s or Hungary in the 1940s. The hounders, who never had experience beyond the Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund, "know better".

Personal problems? Look no farther than the Young People Ask--Answers That Do Not Work books or the Asleep! rags. Never mind people that have had 20 or more years dealing with such problems. Never mind professionals, licensed or not (who have had success). Never mind peers that are in a better position to help than the hounders, whose stock answer is more field circus and more prayer.

Looking to move? Look no farther than the Washtowel Slaveholdery. They know where "the need is greater". Never mind personal preferences--do you like tropical conditions or temperate. If you like tropical conditions and they decide to put you in northern Europe, the Dunedin region of New Zealand, or southern Argentina or Chile, you are in trouble. If you like temperate regions, forget about not being put in Singapore, Hong Kong, Perth, Alice Springs, northern Brazil, the Honduras, or northern Africa. Also, never mind the business climate--they would rather put you in a totalitarian regime or one where opportunity is lacking, or one that is desperately ugly (like the deserts of eastern Africa, where famine is common) than in a place that suits you. As long as "the need is great", that's where they are going to put you.

Where to move within a city? They are bound to give you bad advice. Listen to them, instead of listening to people already there or the city council. Either will have better information about conditions of housing, cost of living, crime rates, and other things you need to know. The Washtowel would rather you move where it is cheapest and where other witlesses can keep an eye on you, regardless of other things.

Now, I wonder how they are qualified to guide anyone for anything. They lack qualifications, official or informal. They only care about what's best for the organization, not the individual. Better to put someone in Nigeria that likes temperate weather, since Nigeria is where the need is greater, than put them in Queensland or Alberta, where it is more to their liking. Better they move to Chad, where the need is greater, than Singapore where business opportunity abounds. Better they quit their jobs and pio-sneer than start their own business or get employment at a big company. And, of course if you refuse to go to Chad or Nigeria and move to Queensland anyways or get that high-paying job, you are guilty of "brazen conduct".

bigmac

actually god is going to bring an end to all the starvation, disease & suffering that afflicts a huge percentage of 3rd world people.

he's going to kill them.

As Jehovah's Witnesses we Believe......... to sum it all up

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