please help me help a friend

by emanresu 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • emanresu

    Hi all,

    i am not a JW nor have i ever been one, but i joined this forum because a close firend of mine is.

    we met and became good friends in the senior year of high school, and i didn't know what it meant to be a JW at the time, all i knew was that they were another christian denomination so i let it slide.

    It was only after sometime after graduation that i began to really take my faith seriousely, and in the process i decided to do some research on watchtower beliefs, and i was actually scared for her. Now i knew enough by now that if i tried to confornt her on this issue, that would be the last i heard of her so i tried as best i could to not "blaspheme". But i guess i didn't try hard enough because my worst nightmares came true a few weeks ago. it's more than a nightmare because we were so close in high school. we hung out all the time people thought we were dating. Any way, the fatefull moment happened when she was at some school, i think sge called it pioneer school or something. it was a two-week school. so i sent her an email asking how she was doing, and she replied excitedly that she was having the best time of her life and said she was learning about how this system of things will end. it must hve been my comment about how our unsved loved ones may not be with us in the end that offended her because, i'm guessing my email address is now on her 'spam' list. She lives quite some distance away from me, so we've only seen each other once or twice since high school.

    now i am stuck, because i prayed to God for her salvation, and i just know that he wants her to be part of his family. And i know God wants to use me to be a wintess to her for Jesus Christ, but it seems as though all doors are closed. I don't know if he will ever bring her back into my life or not, but i want to be prepared for the conversation we will have. so is there anyone who can give me a few pointers as to how to go about this? how bout a few do's and dont's on how to re-establish a meaningful connection with her. i would really appreciate any help

  • leavingwt


    The book below helped me to undesrstand the thinking processes of Jehovah's Wtinesses. You may also find it to be helpful.

    Combatting Cult Mind Control

  • dm6

    Well you will get all sorts of advice on this topic mate.

    But here is MY two cents:

    Get in touch with her properly either by phone or email explaining nothing about religion, and talking only about your freindship.

    You must understand that to a Jehovahs Witness, especially a zealous JW who has gone to pioneer school to become a regular pioneer, that friendships are conditional, although they will deny it if you ever did put it to them. (and Dont)

    A worldly person is someone to a JW is someone who is friends with the devil and does not know God. Only Jehovahs Witnesses Know God.

    its all BS. Jesus dwells in each of us if you would just accept him, although people on this board have much more different perspectives, this is just my personal beilef.

    My advice to you friend, is to re establish a connection with her, if she really is a close friend and you really want to be in touch with her, and when you have made your bond again, do not bring up any religious talks on your part or hers.

    Tell her you will not tell her about your religion and you would appreciate if she didn't tell you about hers, you just want to remain freinds because she was the closest a friend you ever had and dont want to lose her.

    Then slowly, sometime in the future there are subtle ways of dropping hints to her that will stay in her mind and get her thinking. Stick around here long enough to learn from some very wise people in this false faith.

    Many of the people here were ex elders 50 years + etc.

    I myself only studied for a year, i was a mere indocrtination student, but know enough about it to be destroyed at armageddon.......! lol

    Good day


    PS, for the love of God! Do not tell her ANYTHING about you researching online about her religion at this stage, leave that until later. She will drop you so quickly she may think you are the devil himself.

  • troubledfiancee

    Welcome emanresu,

    This forum is a great resource. You'll find hundreds of accounts similar to your own here - find them and read them. The best advice I can give you is that if this person is truly very important to you, you have a lot of studying ahead of you. Learn as much as you can, and take advice from folks who have been down this road before you. Read the 2 Steven Hassan books (the first one is linked by leavingwt), find copies of the two Ray Franz books, and there are dozens of other books and online resources to find as well. You need to have a VERY thorough understanding of what you're up against.

    I might also comment to you a couple of things 1) You may not ever be able to "save" this person; either from the watchtower, or to persuade them to your beliefs. 2) The WT truly is a cult and it sounds like your friend is in pretty deep, the more you pull, the greater the chance you'll loose her. 3) Lastly, helping someone out of a cult is much different that persuading them to your beliefs, so you might have to decide which is more imnportant to you; and in my opinon one is much more noble than the next.

    Best of Luck and feel free to PM me if you have any questions.


  • troubledfiancee
    PS, for the love of God! Do not tell her ANYTHING about you researching online about her religion at this stage, leave that until later. She will drop you so quickly she may think you are the devil himself.


  • outsmartthesystem

    Do not argue doctrine with her.

    If I were you......I'd read up on the history of Witnesses and what it is that keeps them captive. READ THE BOOK CAPTIVES OF A CONCEPT BY DON CAMERON. Once you understand why she is so captive to the organization you'll understand better how to help her. Once you read the book....I would feign interest in teh JW religion. Make it sincere. Ask her thought provoking questions about their history (as you'll find in the Captives of a Concept book) Let her believe she is teaching YOU about why her religion is right. All the while......she'll be doing research that she will hopefully find to be shocking.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Let me get this straight.

    Do you want to recruit her from a church that teaches her that if she is a sinner by their standards she will die and know nothing, into a church that teaches that if she is a sinner by their standards she will be burned in Hell for eternity?


  • Diest

    Chris, I think you got that one right...out of the frying pan into the fire.

  • sizemik

    Welcome emanresu . . . nice "username" LOL

    I don't know if he will ever bring her back into my life or not, but i want to be prepared for the conversation we will have.

    I hate to be a pessimist . . . but if your friend is at pioneer school and having a great time . . . you're probably in for a long wait.

    The only "God" that will bring her back into your life is her own killer God Jehovah . . . when his "Organisation" has used and abused her long enough to wake her up out of the strict mind-controlling techniques that have her trapped.

    leavingwt and outsmart's recommendations for some educational reading is all you can do at this stage . . . you may get a chance to employ some of the approaches suggested there. But if you've already been "red flagged" . . . the ship has probably sailed.

    Get schooled up and do what you can if the opportunity arises . . . I hope you can prove me wrong.

  • NVR2L8

    If you know your Bible a little bit, it's like the Jews (chosen ones) and the are of the second class to her and unless you convert to her faith. you will never be good enough. In fact you would be considered as a threat because you could influence her in leaving the cult...She is constantly being told that bad company (you) spoil useful habit.

    Sorry about your loss.

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