Should cult members be allowed to adopt or be foster parents?

by Mad Sweeney 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • AGuest

    I hear you, dear Skully (again, peace to you!)... and absolutely do not discount the potential damage of being raised a JW. My children were raised as JWs, but when we talked about it just recently, they said they don't feel damaged at all. Both were baptized at a young age, but got "hip" in their early teens and said they weren't going back. Since they were baptized, I felt it was their choice, not mine - can't MAKE someone serve God, IMHO. Otherwise, the "truth" is NOT "their own." So...

    Most of their friends are the children of JWs... some still attending meetings, some not. None seem to ME to be irreparably damaged. Even so, they are a GREAT deal less judgmental than the generations before them. But I DO get where YOU'RE coming from. Our own experiences have huge influences over our individual perspectives

    For me, then, I'm going to have to give a "Here, Here!" to dear 2Pink and GLTirebiter (peace to you both!) as their comments seem very balanced to me (and how can I take issue with JWs for being unbalanced... which they tend to be... if I can't maintain balance as to matters like this?). I DO get that some JWs had horrendous experiences as children. I wasn't raised JW (as the son of baptist minister who died when he was 13, my dad wouldn't set foot in a church)... but I wouldn't call my upbringing a bed of roses. Not by a long shot. But I learned that, as they say: what don't kill you will make you stronger. That certainly was the case for me.

    Again, peace to you!

    YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,


  • WTWizard

    No. Especially if the "cult" is known to be a high control, damaging cult.

    To illustrate: How would you like to be around 4 or 5 years old with your parents dying or getting divorced, and some Jehovah's Witlesses adopted you. You know what Christmas is like. Around October, you look around at all the Halloween decorations, looking forward to trick or treat--and find out that you are not going to participate. There are no decorations in your place. You draw your adoptive parents a jack o'lantern, and get in trouble for it. The same happens when Christmas comes--you get in trouble for wanting Christmas items. You wonder why there is no Christmas tree--there isn't going to be any.

    At a later stage, you find your play time is usurped. Until your adoption, you had plenty of time to play. Now, you are carted from door to door all day. That play time is gone. Seems that most of the fun trips are gone, too--replaced with field circus. Not to mention, having to sit still for 8 hours at a time at the a$$emblies, 3 times a year. You remember when summer vacations meant going to the amusement park, picnicking, camping, visiting friends from out of town, and hanging out around your neighborhood instead of being carted from door to door on a boring mission.

    You start school. Your adoptive parents set you up for dorkhood, because there is so much you can't do. No holiday parties of any kind. No saluting the flag. No playing--associating with other children, except to witless to the, is forbidden. You are dissuaded from field trips, and cannot do anything that means staying after school. And, instead of playing, you are hauled out in field circus or have to study the washtowel or Kingdumb Misery. If you have a test or homework, that Kingdumb Misery or Washtowel--or field circus--take priority, leaving no time to properly do homework or study for your test. If you were in school before being adopted, you remember getting to do holidays, take part in field trips, and properly study for tests instead of being a witless.

    This goes on. After a short time, you start being hounded to get baptized. You are only 9 or 10, and really need more time to make a decision properly. However, you are pushed to get baptized in case Armageddon comes tomorrow. At which point, school vacations are wasted pio-sneering. Other children will be looking forward to trips--some to Maine, some to the Adirondacks, some to the bayous of Alabama and Louisiana, some to California's redwood forests, some to Disney, some to England--and yes, a lucky few to New Zealand (where it is actually nice and cold during those months). You, on the other hand, have endless field circus to look forward to all damn summer--and that Grand Boasting Session where your music will be thrown away and stricter rules about field circus will be implemented. And, if you don't get your 50 hours a month during those months, you are going to be in for it at the end of the month.

    Once you reach age 18 and college time, you find you are not going. No, not because apprenticeship and buying silver would give you better experience and help you earn more. But, because your adoptive parents think college is wicked. Apprenticeship is also frowned on, because you are going to regular pio-sneer. You will be working part time, making paltry wages and having to waste a good part of those wages on Jehovah crap. By now, your dreams are all gone because you didn't take the opportunities to develop talents and gifts. Your gift for math and science, dominant before adoption, are all gone. So, you cannot function outside the religion. You are stuck pio-sneering, and are afraid that you will get destroyed the minute you leave the cancer. Result: You grow old and die without reaching anywhere near your full potential.

    And this assumes you are not adopted by one of the pedophiles, or child beaters, in the congregation. Virtually every single witless child faces this form of abuse, where they are deprived of opportunities. That is the main reason why I think witlesses, and other high-control cults and damaging cults, should not have their members being allowed to adopt.

  • AGuest

    Your scenarios assume a whole lot of things, dear WTW (peace to you!). For one, that the child indeed knew what "Christmas was like." That is a primiarly western holiday... and so some of these children come from countries were no such thing occurs. Or, it if does, not for THEM. There's no "play time," but only loll on the filthy mattress in the hovel with no doors/windows "time." There's no school... so being able to GO to school... even if you can't participate in some of the activities, is a plus for them.

    Regarding being "hounded" to be baptized: (1) some of them are probably so grateful to the "parents" that took them out of the abject poverty that had only known... getting baptized isn't really that big of a deal; and (2) since they probably didn't know ANY religion before (or perhaps only the RCC or some other missionary type thing), may not consider baptism SO bad. You've got to put it in proper perspective as to the trade-off: food, clothing, shelter... and potential indoctination into a cult... versus starvation, debilitation disease and death.

    But your scenario assumes that all of these children come from the western world... or even outside the "hood"... where school and Disneyland are par for the course. I don't know where YOU grew up, but there's a whole LOT of kids around the world... heck, even in the U.S.... who would consider YOU the crazy one for turning down food, clothing, and shelter... because you might not get to go to Disneyland. School IS Disneyland for some kids on this planet... and getting to even GO, regardless of whether you can have a Valentine's Day cupcake... is the thing.

    Some of you must come from some VERY sheltered lives... and very small communities. There is more, though, MUCH more... outside of your "I used to be a Witness and HATED it" world.

    Yes, SOME JWs abuse children. Some of EVERY ilk on the planet abuse children. Even rich atheists (not that I'm picking on atheists... but they're not the only folks who can and do care for orphaned children).

    C'mon, folks - this really isn't an issue that should about your personal bias. ANYONE, regardless of their beliefs or disbeliefs... who is willing to step up and care for a fatherless child... with GOOD intent and pure motive (the care of the child)... should be able to do so. In the same vein... anyone whose motive is NOT pure... regardless of their beliefs/disbeliefs... SHOULDN'T be allowed to do so. That should be the criteria; not one's religion. Seriously?

    Again, peace to you all!

    A slave of Christ,

    SA, who truly doesn't get that some have SO much bitterness regarding their childhood... that they would begrudge another child even the basics. Doesn't make one wit of sense to me...

  • Yr Wyddgrug
    Yr Wyddgrug

    From what I know, potential foster carers/adoptive parents in this country (UK) are made to jump through hoop after hoop to be allowed to adopt. One of the questions asked is concerning a child's sexual orientation (when they grow up) Any sniff of a prospective parent believing that being gay/lesbian/bisexual is somehow wrong and there's no chance of proceeding further. A JW family would be grilled on this I think. There have been cases of Christians being refused fostering because they couldn't assure social services that they would teach a child that being gay is OK.

  • AGuest
    There have been cases of Christians being refused fostering because they couldn't assure social services that they would teach a child that being gay is OK.

    Which includes more than just JWs, right, dear YW (peace to you!)?

    Again, defending JWs isn't something I relish, not at all. But I don't think I'm defending JWs, per se. I think I just have a bit of a problem with discrimination of any kind... on the usual bases: race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, nationality, class, marital status, age (excl. allowing children to drive, smoke, etc., you know, the real reasons to discriminate), etc.

    It could be that a JW household DOESN'T have a problem with homosexuality (covertly, perhaps, yes) or some of the others "beliefs" pushed by the WTBTS. How do WE know? It could be that a non-JW family DOES have a problem with it. Who knows? No one, really, until the folks wanting to foster/adopt are screened. Until then, it should be a level playing field.

    Okay, gotta be done with this one, dear ones.

    Peace to you all!

    A slave of Christ,


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