Hello there everyone.

by Yr Wyddgrug 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Ding

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  • TotallyADD

    Welcome to the forum. I too have just left the cult. Notice I said cult. That is exactly what the WT is. Was she a convert or a born-in? This will help you to understand where she is coming from. If she is a born-in that is all the reference point she has. If she is a convert you may be able to relate to her on what it was like not to be a JW. JW are taught not to trust anyone who is not a JW. Even then they are told not to trust certain JW in the congregation. It's all about control. That is what cults do and the WT is damm good at it. For now, be her friend and show her unconditional love. In JW cult it's all conditional on if you listen to the leaders of the WT. You will find she will respond to your understanding, empathy, the unconditional love. Help her with reading material. Suggest books like Steve Hassen book on "Combating Cult Mind Control" also Ray Franz book "Crisis Of Conscience". These two books will help her greatly. Also it will help you to understand JW cult better. Good luck in helping your friend she is very lucky to have you there. Totally ADD

  • Curtains

    your church may be all she needs at the moment. I'm so glad you guys are looking out for her.

    btw as you are a long time lurker you probably know that we tend to put believers through the wringer - would you still want her to come here? she may receive support but lose her beliefs.

  • Reopened Mind
    Reopened Mind

    Yr Wyddgrug,

    You have come to the right place to find help and support for your friend. Welcome. My husband, TotallyADD, and I have recently exited the WT cult by moving 1000 miles from our old congregation. He was born into the cult while I converted before we were married. We raised two boys in the organization who now have given us four grandchildren. We were not disfellowshipped, just fading so we can still maintain contact with family. We do run the risk that if we are exposed we will be disfellowshipped. Then as you have found out we will lose all contact with family and friends we have established over the 40 years we have been Witnesses.

    Your friend is very courageous to have talked let you in on her big secret. I assume from what you have said that she is disfellowshipped. Please encourage her to read on this site if she is not up to introducing herself yet. Many have lurked here for years before getting the courage to post, including myself. It really is comforting to realize others have gone through similar experiences and they are not alone.

    Hugs to you and your friend. You don't know just how much she needs you at this time.

    Reopened Mind

  • Yr Wyddgrug
    Yr Wyddgrug

    Again, thank you for all your advice.

    Curtains, yes, I know that believers are certainly challenged here. Personally I have no problem with this, I like diversity of belief, and most of my best friends are not Christian and we've had some good and heated discussions - but it never affects our friendship or mutual respect. I take the position that God made these amazing, human minds and they were designed for deeper things than a basic, "thou must/must not do this."

    My friend seems to find theology very important for the moment, even though I would say the theology she accepts is not WT theology. I know she finds it difficult to accept that people without a belief in God can be good, honest or loving. I assume that's a JW thing. But for now, it's important to her.

    She does visit a website that's supposed to be an ex-JW Christian board, but she says that the theology there is "all over the place." Apparently there's some sort of belief that, although the WT is not good, the WT's basic theology is correct and they just need God to come and "refine" them. I don't know if that's an ordinary ex-JW belief or not. As far as I know, it was a shift in theology that led to her leaving the WT in the first place, rather than anything else.

    I don't know, I just want the best for her. I'm still floored by the idea of "shunning" someone for any reason. Its like playground behaviour only with more unpleasant consequences.


    (AnnOmaly, yes, Yr. wyddgrug is the name of the Welsh town in which I grew up, I took it as a name because it literally means "Heather covered hill" and my name's Heather. )

  • jamiebowers

    You're so sweet to help her. What you're doing may be the biggest eye opener your friend will ever have, because you are a truly kind "worldly" person. She's been taught that all "worldly" people are bad in some way. If she can't take being involved with ex-jws of differing beliefs, her best bet would be to start out by reading Ray Franz's "Crisis of Conscience" and "In Search of Christian Freedom". It may help her to see how a Watchtower insider describes the organization and how he went on to refine his faith.

  • ABibleStudent

    Welcome Yr Wydderug and thank you for posting. I agree with the other posters about suggesting to your friend to visit JWN (or www.jwsupportforum.com), and she needs unconditional love from you and listening to her. Don't be surprized if she resists visiting JWN and www.jwsupportforum.com, or rejects believing that she is a cult survivor - it is her JW persona talking. If you want to know more about what she is going through and how to help her, I would suggest reading Steve Hassan's books (e.g., "Combatting Cult Mind Control"), visiting Steve Hassan's website www.freedomofmind.com, reading Raymond Franz's books (i.e., "Crisis of Conscience"), and visiting other websites for ex-JWs like www.jwfacts.com, www.watchtowerdocuments.com, www.silentlambs.com, www.insidethewatchtower.com, and exjw.meetup.com. I am glad that your friend met you, because you have an opportunity to help her in a very significant way.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • ziddina


  • skeeter1

    I don't know if she's ready to admit that the Watchtower is a destructive cult .....but the International Cultic Studies Association is a group of dedicated professionals designed to help people survive after leaving a cult. Their website has an arsenal of information. ICSA also holds conferences for exiting cult members or family members of cult members. These sessions are generally multi-cult-denomination, and this is a huge help for exiting JWs. The ex-JWs learn that the tactics used by the Watchtower are very similar to those used by other cults.

    Also , the author Steve Hassas, mentioned above is an excellent resource. If your church is looking to help her, perhaps buy her a few of his books as a present...or to keep in your church library?

    She's going through a huge change. Everything she was programmed to be the "Truth" is now, not so. She's been taught that the World and your church is part of Satan the Devil. She can't look at a Christmas Tree, Cross, a Flag, hear the Pledge of Allegance, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentines, Easter Bunny, Santa, college, careers, Mercedes Benz/BMW/luxury cars, college degrees/advanced education, pants worn by women at church, and even voting/election process, the Smurf movie.... all without thinking first that it's absolutely pure evil that will deny her everlasting life. She probably feels like she doesn't fit in. She probably feels like a stranger, in a strange, strange world.

    Yes, please invite her to come talk with us on this board. There are also other ex-JW boards out there too. We only "bite" when it comes to us quarelling about politics. We get a little heated on those threads, only because we are now exploring our ability to have a political thought. LOL.


  • ziddina

    Now that I'm not half asleep...

    WELCOME, Yr Wyddgrug!!

    [damm, that's a mouthful!!]

    And a hopeful "Welcome" to the young lady, keeping my fingers crossed that you can persuade her to come on-board...

    Zid the She-Devil...

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