Under the bed ...

by compound complex 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Dear Spanky Clean:

    I'm not certain where to turn for advice. Your advice column I caught in our local Squeegee Gazette, and I thought, perhaps, you could help where even my best friends fear to tread.

    Under my bed is an ever growing colony of dust bunnies. They never really hurt anyone, so I just thought I'd leave them in peace. But now I'm getting scared because they're all forming together and beginning to resemble an alien life form. If I vacuum under my bed, will I be destroying scientific evidence that could change the course of the world? BTW, I keep having recurring asthmatic episodes.

    I'm having guests arriving to stay the summer. I need to do something soon. The above situation applies to all eight beds in my rather spacious and nicely appointed lakeside home. Should I CONTACT Jodie Foster?



    Dear Dusty,

    What planet are you from?

    Didn't you learn in Sunday School: "From dust thou art and to dust thou shalt return"? Something is obviously going on under all eight beds, but if you had been a little more astute with your Electrolux (my tank of choice), you'd not be posing these absurd questions regarding the interplanetary evolution of highly advanced species. Leave Jodie out of this and get back on your inhalants.

    My advice? You have one real and one potential invasion going on here. Send your guests to Holiday Inn.


    Spanky Clean

  • Quentin

    Dear Spanky Clean,

    Are you nuts? You should be spanked with a dust pan. Don't you know anything about the mating habits of Dust Bunnies, they are multiplying at an alarming rate. One must take a lawn blower and disperse the little critters, than use a heavy duty shop vac to clean up the disintegrated Bunnies.

    Friend of Dusty's

  • mummatron

    Don't kill the dust bunnies! They're a sign of God's work...


  • sizemik

    I knew it! . . . . the universe is one big dust bunny! . . . and God is a spanish cleaning lady . . . who got deported

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Good morning, Quentin, Mummatron and Sizemik:

    Hilarious! Muchas Gracias! Lawn blower? Not a bad idea.

    I'm not Spanish, but, as a house cleaner, I have been personally responsible for sucking benign lifeforms into the Electrolux black hole ...

    Have a great day!


  • nancy drew
    nancy drew

    Dear Dusty,

    May i suggest you get in touch with William Shatner (captain Kirk). I believe he had some trouble with tribbles some time back and he may have some insight into your problem. It is possible your dust bunnies are distant cousins of the tribbles so I think any delay in dealing with this situation could reach dangerous limits and spiral out of control.

    with much concern

    ND spacegirl

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Greetings, Spacegirl:

    Your concern is touching, but the prospect of Contacting James Tiberius Kirk is daunting. I believe I last saw him as a hologram on priceline.com, or some such cyber entity.

    I feel I've gone too far down the broad and spacious road to undo the consignment to spatial oblivion I've done to those harmless creatures.

    Yet, I am moved by your sincere attempt at intervention.

    May your journey be free of incident ...

    Dusty Spores

  • FlyingHighNow

    Dear Spanky Clean,

    I think if Dusty is that obsessed with her dust bunnies, she must not know what beds are really for.


    The Art of Whimsy

  • Quandry

    Dear Dusty,

    For the love of God get those dust bunnies now before they form themselves into loathsome creatures with drooling jaws that will lie in wait under all eight beds for the lily-white ankles of those house guests to present themselves.



  • Quentin



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