Dear Spanky Clean:
I'm not certain where to turn for advice. Your advice column I caught in our local Squeegee Gazette, and I thought, perhaps, you could help where even my best friends fear to tread.
Under my bed is an ever growing colony of dust bunnies. They never really hurt anyone, so I just thought I'd leave them in peace. But now I'm getting scared because they're all forming together and beginning to resemble an alien life form. If I vacuum under my bed, will I be destroying scientific evidence that could change the course of the world? BTW, I keep having recurring asthmatic episodes.
I'm having guests arriving to stay the summer. I need to do something soon. The above situation applies to all eight beds in my rather spacious and nicely appointed lakeside home. Should I CONTACT Jodie Foster?
What planet are you from?
Didn't you learn in Sunday School: "From dust thou art and to dust thou shalt return"? Something is obviously going on under all eight beds, but if you had been a little more astute with your Electrolux (my tank of choice), you'd not be posing these absurd questions regarding the interplanetary evolution of highly advanced species. Leave Jodie out of this and get back on your inhalants.
My advice? You have one real and one potential invasion going on here. Send your guests to Holiday Inn.