Hi. I am interested to know from other long time wittnesses if they had a hard time with prayer after leaving the organization? When I left I found it so difficult to pray to "Jehovah" and still do to this day. I am always more comfortable with just "God". Since leaving the witnesses behind I have developed a close and personal relationship with Jesus. I never had that growing up. I can say God and be ok with it but when I say Jehovah, it still conjures up such fear in my heart. Fear of displeasing him, of failing and dying. When I talk with "God" or Jesus, I feel very free and lighthearted. Can anyone else identify with this?
My mother, both grandmothers and aunt were reg pios. I was immersed in JW culture from birth. I attended all meetings, had no worldly friends, was baptized at 14 (and df'd by 20), pioneered myself every summer and on secular holidays. At my judicial meeting I went into the waiting area and prayed for Jehovah to make them disfellowship me, that if he really was God and he knew how unhappy I had been all my life that he would do that for me. I WANTED to get away from all of them and knew that being df'd was really the only way to make them all leave me alone. I left and never looked back. It was so hard for me but I knew this was my baptism into the "real world". It was something I had to do, I didn't want any of them in my life anymore! So, having said that, why do some find this so hard to do? It's all lies, get out, move on, you'll be much happier after you do!! Help me understand why some people can't let go and continue to hang on for years and years. I was more miserable in than I ever have been once I got out and overcame the depression of losing everyone. Yes, there is a despondent period you will go through and alot of guilt, but it is sooooooo worth it on the other side!