Seriously though, disregarding my tongue and cheek post above, have you talked to him to see why he is acting the way that he is? Perhaps narrow him down to give a real, no excuse reason as to his actions. Leaving emotion out of the conversation, get him to reason LOGICALLY as to why he is acting a certain way.
I am so hurt and angry
by Igot2bme 25 Replies latest jw friends
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ziddina
I agree with what Sinus said...
"Disfellowship him - ignore calls, visits, etc. It will be hard but he will get the message, especially when they dump on him again and he tries coming back to you. ..."
That is HARSH, but...
I don't know whether your son is playing "both sides against the middle", but IF he is, then Sinis' words are apt - your son needs a wake-up call.
Eventually, when he's fully realized that the JWs are fair-weather - er, "fair-faith" friends, and he's ready to PERMANENTLY leave the Watchtower Society, THEN you can feel comfortable about helping him.
Otherwise, it does sound like he's taking advantage of your love for him...
Hugs and tea and I wish I could do more to help...
[edited] Whoops! And then Sinis states that he was speaking facitiously... I took his words literally because that IS what I did to my JW parents - but that's a long story. Suffice it to say, my JW parents are SO poisonous that I'm VERY GRATEFUL for the Watchtower's shunning policy!
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sinis
Ziddina - I actually used that tactic myself many years ago on family and it worked. I mention the tongue and cheek part as I did not want to piss anyone off thinking I was wacky for mentioning the harsh reality... I was actually serious about using it, but everyone else had such better, fluffy, words of encouragement... :)
Hell, maybe call him up and talk to him about why he is pulling this attitude and then close the conversation at the end (if it does not work out good) that you are disfellowshipping him, and when he decides to return to the love of a mother he is more than welcome to do so, except during the interim you will not be treated like a door mat and he is dead in your eyes!!!!
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ziddina
^^ Chuckle....
Glad that worked out for you, Sinis! [Keep trying to spell your name 'sinus'... ] Sometimes people need a 'wake-up' call!!
I'm going to go back and read Igot2bme's earlier posts, 'cause I'm running blind here...
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cptkirk
isn't it the truth? (err)..if you have a problem in the organization there is no compassion...i'm a man, tough etc. i usually stand down anyone that pulls this kind of thing at me, and even when they can get so relentless, even for me, it can begin to crack my resolve. then they expect the sisters to be so mild and all this....i can see how they could really break a human being completely. if it makes you feel any better, i promise you, if i was there right now, you could point out the one that was the most heinous, and i would put the fear of god into him.
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Igot2bme
He is living with a witness family and dating thier daughter and they happen to be friends with my in laws who in turn were one of the reasons I had stopped going to meetings and tried to fade I posted that on an earlier thread, http://www2.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/202036/5/Did-you-Fade-Gradually-or-Stop-Attending-Meetings-Quickly-Reasons.
Sinis-Hell, maybe call him up and talk to him about why he is pulling this attitude and then close the conversation at the end...
@Sinis- Tried that but he disconnected his cell...
Ziddina... don't know whether your son is playing "both sides against the middle", but IF he is, then Sinis' words are apt - your son needs a wake-up call.
Eventually, when he's fully realized that the JWs are fair-weather - er, "fair-faith" friends, and he's ready to PERMANENTLY leave the Watchtower Society, THEN you can feel comfortable about helping him.
Otherwise, it does sound like he's taking advantage of your love for him...
@Ziddina & Sinis- True, as hard as it is to face I am going to have to put my foot down him...As I eventually did, he will have to come to the realization that thier so called love has strings attached to it.
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elderelite
Listen to steve hassens "combating cult mind control" or read the book. An eye opener and will be very usefull in helping your son
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ziddina
Uhm, haven't read your earlier posts yet -and thank you for posting that link! - but I do want to point out one hazard about cutting things off abruptly...
You might push him further into their arms...
Perhaps you should also FADE from association with your son? Don't challenge him or inform him that he's being 'cut off' - but don't be there, either...
Sorta fade away...
NOW I've got to go back and read your earlier posts/threads...!
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ziddina
Ooooo - kay, Igot2bme, sweetie, I've got to say a few things, myself...
I've only read that one post - but it was very informative.
It sounds like the ONLY reason you've left the JWs, is due to your sister-in-law's actions.
Now, I don't mean that ISN'T a valid reason to leave, but, since you haven't hit a symbolic 'brick wall' faithwise, since you haven't had a powerful awakening, since you haven't run across scientific evidence that shows the bible to be a Bronze-Age Middle-Eastern 'holy' book - well, you're still about as 'programmed' as your son is...
For example, in the same type of situation, a so-called "worldly" mother would have just chuckled about the whole "my-son-is-having-sex-now" incident, and would have quietly taken her son aside and spoken to him about birth control and "safe" sex to prevent infection by AIDS/STD's...
It wouldn't have been a religious issue - unless that imaginary "worldly" mother were also deeply involved with ANOTHER fundamentalist-type church.
Having read your other post, the FIRST thing I would recommend is that you start doing real research on the Watchtower Society. Have you read "Crisis of Conscience" yet - or Ray Franz' second book, "In Search Of Christian Freedom"?? Have you read Steve Hassan's books?? Or some of the many excellent books on cults, available? Have you read any of the older - MUCH older - Watchtower literature?
That's where I would start. As to your son's situation - if you practice a "hands-off" approach, it will be a change of direction from the approach you've used so far - and a dramatic change of direction to a problem often shakes a solution loose - but you must also be PATIENT.
I'm off to read more of your posts, 'cause I'm still running blind...
However, I wish the best results to you!! Zid
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NewChapter
I'm sorry Igot. Sometimes these things work in cycles though--right now he is heavily sedated with WT spirit. The convention and his living/dating situation. See if he softens up a bit. We all expect convention season to be rougher than the rest of the year. They even focused on apostates and the inactive this year. Give him time to sober up. Maybe it will work out naturally.
I am truly sorry.
NC