Here Is How My Day Went Today and Can I Start all Over?

by orangefatcat 7 Replies latest forum suggestions

  • orangefatcat

    Today I was at my mother's house I thought I'd stop in and see how she was assuming she opened the door, she said to me that she was just reading about Satan I said to her mom I am not Satan and then she invited me in she said to me why are you visiting me today you know you shouldn't be here I said mom I'm concerned about your health and I wanted to know how you are and how your help this that's all. So she told me that she was feeling fine but I could tell otherwise as it is very evident in their eyes and the way that she moves that she is not at all well in the past month I have noticed her face was more gaunt than usual and her gait was rather slower than normal. We spoke for a while about how she was doing and then she got on the subject of course of religion and how disappointed she is that both my sister and I have left the organization, as I explained to her I can't be a part of the Jehovah's Witnesses anymore as I no longer believe it. I told her to please read the July 15 issue of the watchtower magazine she says she has not got it yet I tried to tell her that when I was a Jehovah's Witness that I never at any time tried in any way to be an apostate by trying to draw away people from believing what the organization taught I said I chose many years after I left to be what I wanted to be and that I was not an apostate according to the issue of the 15th July magazine of course he said to me, you know we're not supposed talk about this and I said yes I know mom. It really bothered me that when I entered her home she said that she was just reading about Satan and it seemed to me that she inferred that I was Satan and that really upset me today so much so that I cried and cried and I took it out on my loving son, I cherish with all my heart I hurt him deeply today and I'm so sorry that. As parents we can be very cruel and not even realize it no matter what religion we are I hope that my son chooses to forgive me for what I said to him today as much as I try to forget my own mother for what she inferred to me this day I hope my mother will read with open-mindedness the July 15 issue of the watchtower magazine but somewhere deep inside of me I don't think that my mother will ever change she told me that no matter what she will never change her faith or her beliefs. She has Alzheimer's disease and has said to me today that she wants her wishes regarding her funeral to be followed to the letter of her will and I reassured her that we would never do anything other than follow which you wanted and I said that my other sister that also has no ties with organization anymore and who is also disfellowshipped will also see to it that her wishes are fulfilled because she is the executor of our mom's will. It's really sad in life when families are so deeply destroyed in the name of religion this is not what Christ wanted or ever expected to happen and I'm sure that our Lord sits from his throne in heaven and is deeply hurt himself as he sees his name so utterly in so many ways divided into so many religions that fight and dishonor him. What ever happened to love never fails. or better still One Lord, one faith one baptizm? And as sure as you can believe it it isn't the JW'S that have the one true faith either.

  • ambersun

    Orangefatcat, I am so sorry to hear about your stressful day and I am sending you a ciber hug as I feel that is what you need most right now.

    You obviously love your mom very much and it is painful to see her looking ill and frail. The WTS is so cruel the way it encourages its elderly folk to cut themselves off from the people who love and care for them most, just because they do not share their religious convictions. If only your mother could see that this does NOT make you 'Satan' or any less of a loving, caring daughter. It would be laughable if it wasn't so tragic.

    Regarding your son, as the song goes "you always hurt the ones you love, the ones you shouldn't hurt at all", which happens to all of us when we are upset. Go give your son a big hug and tell him how much you love him and how sorry you are. Explain you were just upset and not thinking straight when you said the hurtful thing to him which you obviously did not mean. I am sure it will work out OK.

    Just carry on visiting your mom, showing her love and affection as you are doing. This proves what a warm, kind hearted person you are which I am sure deep down inside she realises. She is only saying these cruel things to you because she has been indoctrinated by the WTS, and they are not really her own thoughts and feelings. I have learned from experience it is no use arguing with them when they are in this mindset, just try to ignore it and keep to discussing light hearted issues.

    The main thing is to make sure you keep in regular contact with your mom so that you are available to help her when she needs you, as I doubt very much if she will get the same level of care and attention from the 'loving' congregation.

    Take care orangefatcat

  • cantleave

    Sorry to hear that you have had such a negative day.

    Your mother is obviously completely controlled by the watchtower, but yiou need to rise above. Remember there is no Satan, so treat your mother's inference as if she were just reading about any other fictitious badboy.

    "Hi Honey - I was just reading about Darth vader"

    Would be so upset if she thought you were the baddy from Star Wars?

  • snowbird

    So sorry.

    Yes, you can start over.

    Each day carries promises of a new beginning.


    Love and blessings.


  • nugget

    your mother is facing an uncertain future any form of dimentia is horrible for all concerned there can be episodes of paranoia and fixation on negative things and that may be why she was focused on Satan when you called. In time she may not even remember she is a Jw but for now the beliefs are forming her Lifeworld. I am sorry that this time you could spend comforting one another is being wasted on corrupt religious doctrines and hate promoted by a stupid book publishing company.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Dear Orangefatcat:

    Your loving and patient example (but not without tears) is an inspiration to all of us. Please hang in there.

    I remember somewhere in one of Ray Franz's books he mentioned a disfellowshiped person who took her Witness mother or aunt to the meetings. It had to have been difficult, but, apparently, it fell to her to do so. Not identical to your circumstance, of course. It shows me how we all have things to do that are not so easy for us.

    I go to a few meetings a month, and I try to think postitive thoughts. The people there are still important to me. It's not easy to listen and keep my mouth shut.

    May it all work out for you.



  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    sorry to hear about your day! Yes, just start over! It is sick how hurtfull that cult is!

  • orangefatcat

    I want to thank all of you for your kind words of encouragement, I know its not her fault I blame the indroctination of the WTS and how they have entangled peoples lives. It is a hurtful and devasting cult like you said Found Sheep, Coco thanks for you words of encouragement, nugget (LOVE YOUR NAME), Startover, and Can't leave your all so kind. And Amberson the song you mentioned, you always hurt the ones you love, my husband you to sing that to me, it brings a flood of memories back to me. He passed away four years ago this month. I often wish he was beside me to make the pain go away. He was my strong loving Greek man. I miss him so very much. I have had to fill my days with other things to make life more fulling with out him but I have only wonderful memories. I tell my son I love him and would never hurt him the way my family has hurt me. But yes he needs reassurances as well. Just like all of us

    Life can throw us many curves we aren't always ready to except and not prepared for. I suppose if we knew what would happen everyday life would be rather dismal. Knowing that we have one another for comfort and support makes each day worth living. I also have my faith and walking with Chirst has sustained me through many ordeals in my life. Especially leaving the organization of lies and deceit. If there were one thing that I was granted in life it would to have my dear Grandma back here on earth as she made everything small and big seem like it was fixable. She was my life. She was the most amazing human in the whole world or my world. She taught me about love, God and how to pray, and how to cook and how to love my neighbour as my self we would often walk to the Anglican church together hand in hand talking to neighbours along the way and after church go to the market. She was a saint and she made me feel like I was someone very special. I was her first grandchild, grandpa died a few months before I was born, but she often said I had so much of him in me and my smile and way of doing things was like he did. She has been gone now 19 years but somedays it feels like yesterday as I look at her pictures and her loving smiles and the serenity she had in her life. The life she shared with me.

    Those years have come and gone but her life lives in my heart and her beaming face shines in mine everytime I think of her and that is every day. And now with my beloved Aunt gone now she was 11 when I was born and she too was much like a big sister to me they were more a family to me then my mom and dad ever were. My mom was 15 when she got pregnant and dad was an abusive alcoholic and had it not been for the sanity and grace and love of my grandma I would have been lost to a world of nothingness. So I thank God I had the stability and love she gave to me to be who and what I am today. All the years of being a JW I hated because it hurt her and I know that when finally I got out of the organization and was finally baptized and confirmed as an Anglican she was watching from heaven with a smile as broad as sun beam. Thanks Grandma you are the best.

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