Trying to Salvage a Friendship

by Quendi 54 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Quendi

    I'm revisiting this thread for the last time. Eight months have passed since I last posted on it and I want to close out this topic. I have decided that my thirty-year friendship with Mark is over. I cannot get him to respond to any of the communications I have sent him and have concluded that he does not want to get back together. I was initially quite saddened by this, but in thinking it over I have come to realize that it would have been quite remarkable had he decided otherwise. The power this execrable cult has over its adherents is very difficult to break. I think Mark has decided that the rules the Governing Body has imposed on its followers must be followed without question and that he should not answer any messages I have sent to him.

    The cult teaches that Witnesses must not have close ties to people outside its structure, including fleshly family. Mark was as close to me as my two brothers are and I have told him this on more than one occasion. That was not enough to prompt him to resume our relationship and I have concluded that if he does not believe my friendship is worth having, then I should let him go. That was a hard decision for me to make, but now that I have, I feel much better. I do not want a friendship with someone who will attach strings to it. Our friendship must be posited on unconditional love or it will not work, and clearly I no longer have Mark's unconditional love. So we have finally reached the fork in the road and I will go my own way without a backward glance. What else can I do? I have pursued this mirage longe enough. There is no cool refreshing water of respect, affection and friendship to drink but only the burning sand of indifference and contempt. I can do without both. Besides, my life is much better now that I have finally left the cult. That being the case, it is time to fully embrace the reality of the end of this relationship and continue to both seek new ones and strengthen the ones I currently have.

    Once again, I want to thank everyone for their support and counsel in this matter. You have helped me more than you will know, and I want to express my deep appreciation for all you have done for me.


  • LisaRose

    That is very sad. I sometimes think about contacting some of my old friends, but I know in my heart they would not want to see me, so I don't. It's so sad that this man is still so controlled by an organization that has rejected him, but he has made his choices.

    You made a good effort, he had a true friend in you if he could just see it.

  • MissFit

    Maybe he is too embarrassed and does not think he is worthy of your friendship. He is not used to unconditional love.

    Sometimes you have to just move on, but I suspect if he reaches out that you would be there for him.

  • talesin

    Hi, Quendi.

    It sounds like you are right, this may be the final chapter. It's hard, so hard, to give up on those bonds that we forged as kids in the b'Org. It seems that folks like Mark, and I had a dear friend too, should understand, as we shared so much in our formative years. Resolution sometimes means accepting that it is the end. He probably wishes things were different, and trapped in the fears and shadows of the cult. The good memories and feelings can be treasured forever, long after the painful feelings fade.



  • smiddy

    Three points come to my mind as to why he has not bothered to contact you .However I could be wrong.

    1. He thinks you are still a witness , or are still bound to it in some way .And doesnt want to become involved.

    2.Depending on the crime he comitted he`s too embarrassed to rekindle the freindship lest you find out what he has done .

    3.He is one of those who have left the "truth" but the "truth" hasn`t left him , and he`s still a victim .and he still obeys the G.B.


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