Was this an act of CHRISTIAN KINDNESS or CHRISTIAN CRUELTY?

by nicolaou 10 Replies latest jw experiences

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  nicolaou

  I'm getting to that age where funerals are getting a bit more frequent. Because of my past most of these, but not all, are JW funerals. I recently went to the funeral of an old school friend 'James', who'd died of a heart attack at just 45. He'd only been baptised less than three years and everyone knew he'd only done it to marry the sister he'd fallen for.

  What shocked me was to see an elderly sister I'd known since I was a kid comforting James' mother (never a JW) with the 'resurrection hope'. I was boiling inside! Now, I know this sisters motives were sincere and genuine, don't give me that crap that she was just taking any opportunity to witness or count time, she wasn't. She was truly concerned for James' Mum and was trying to offer her some comfort.

  But for crying out loud! To tell a grieving mother that she can see her dead child come back to life?!!

  Is that kindness or cruelty?
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  sizemik

  It's only a comfort if she already believes it . . . otherwise it's a painful mockery. The sis was probably genuine . . . just too dumbed down to realise it was neither the place nor the time.

  Condolences re your old friend by the way . . . I lost a guy I'd known all my life and who was my neighbour, at age 49 from brain haemorrhage . . . still saddens me.
• 

  watersprout

  Is that kindness or cruelty?

  It's not something you want to hear when you have just buried your child.... But I think the JW didn't know what else to say, so just said what dubbies say to everyone who has lost a loved one.

  I remember being on the ministry with a sister and we called upon a woman who had lost a loved one literally weeks before. So was obviously still feeling very raw. This sister pulled out the tract about seeing your dead loved ones again and handed it to this woman. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow this crazy dubbie. The house holder just wanted to talk to momentarily apease her grief... Sometimes they don't think.

  Peace
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  nicolaou

  It's only a comfort if she already believes it

  She didn't. She never had any contact with JW's other than at James' wedding. She's a nice, ordinary working woman who was always polite to James' new friends but never formed any close attachments to them.
• 

  undercover

  How about this...talk about making you mad...or at least dumbfounded...

  Last JW funeral I went to the speaker, a CO substitute, actually said the deceased was the lucky one. Since they died faithful, they would surely be resurrected but the rest of us had to continue on in this old world, fighting Satan and trying to stay faithful to the end (implication of the "end" being Armageddon, not death). "Makes you a bit jealous, doesn't it" was the quote.
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  sizemik

  Both examples have got to be the result of the totally insular thinking of the JW indoctrinated mind . . . it not only cuts them off from the existence of alternative views, but detaches them from any normal interaction on a social level. OUTLAWS "watchtarded" label is gaining serious meaning for me these days.
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  NewChapter

  This isn't unique to JW's. All religious people share their hopes when someone dies. They intend to comfort. Every funeral talk I've been to--not JW--talk about the loved-one being in heaven. JW's talk about the resurrection. I'm sure Hindus talk about reincarnation. It's really a pretty normal and widespread reaction. While all of it can be comforting---all of it can also be cruel. Telling a young mother that her baby is in heaven can be cruel---or comforting. It all depends on the person receiving the comfort.

  Again, I don't like to defend WT at no time, but mostly they are sincere people just trying to comfort---which is exactly what the rest of the world does. I was at a funeral where the pastor assured us that our loved-one was in heaven---however if WE ever wanted to see them again we needed to repent of our sins and accept Jesus in our heart. I'm assuming the unsaid words were---or you will go to hell and not see her in heaven. That baby that died (above)--the mother was told that God took her because the couple was experienceing money problems! There is also the issue of suicide. Many churches teach that victims of suicide burn in hell forever. I guess they can't offer much comfort at a funeral.

  JW's truly believe in the resurrection---they see it as a joyful hope---I think it's natural to say it in the form of comfort at a funeral. You can be sure she also repeatedly heard that her son was in heaven.

  NC
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  nicolaou

  Fair point NC. Out of compassion believers of many faiths will say similar things but I'm not too familiar with the religious customs of Hindus, Muslims or others so I'd like to stick with the Christian perspective as that's what most of us here are familiar with.

  Can I ask the Christians here; How do you comfort the recently bereaved?

  Do you simply listen to them? Provide a shoulder to cry on? Would you share a scripture or even mention the resurrection (heavenly or otherwise). For me, I just let them talk about the person who has passed away and promise that I'll carry them in my memory.

  Nic'
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  PSacramento

  If one believes that death is the end, that there is nothing after death and in that knowledge, THEY find comfort then so be it.

  If another believes and finds comfort that there is SOMETHING after death, then so be it.

  Since none of us know one way or another for sure, I think that taking comfort in whatever belief system one chooses to is fine.

  I do think that many religious people forget that other peoples funerals are not about THEM, but about those that have lost someone and that they ( the religious people) need to respect THEIR believes, whatever they may be.
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  Mad Sweeney

  Also, lots of times people talk about their beliefs to reinforce those beliefs to themselves. Saying something out loud, to someone else, helps solidify your faith in it, and helps ease the doubts that everyone naturally feels when they believe in things without any evidence. Even when it is unselfish on the surface it is still primarily motivated by a desire to make oneself feel better. We even phrase it that way:

  "I FEEL BAD for that person who lost her son."

  It's still about OUR OWN feelings.