All religious funeral services take advantage of the death event to promote the religion itself. It was ever thus, and not confined to the Watchtower. I was angered by my FIL's Anglican service. His death was very unpleasant and the priest had the temerity to say that what my FIL went through before his death was God's way of cleansing away his sins so that he could enter into His presense. I wanted to get up out of my seat and tell the guy to sit down and let me take over. It was bullshit, just like all the bullshit spewed forth at your dad's service. You had every right to be angry, but it doesn't mean anything. Not worth losing sleep over, anyway.
Am I wrong for being angry at my dads funeral last year?
by shakyground 20 Replies latest jw friends
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CaptainSchmideo
A few years back, I was at the funeral of an elder who was very well respected. I will say his last name was "Hilton".
The talk was given by a (supposedly) long time friend of his in the org. So, I listened in amazement and anger as this "longtime friend"
kept mispronouncing the deceased's name as "Wilton". He did it consistently through the entire talk! About halfway into it, I saw a couple (not Witnesses)
get up and leave. The expressions on their faces were ones of anger and disgust.
I have been to non Witness funerals as well. Much better at the effort of remembering the deceased. Slide shows of the person in life, with family and friends, speeches given by family members. No rush to sweep the dead guy under the rug. Some of the ministers' sermons have been pretty weak tea, though.
I am contemplating how things are to be handled for my parents when they pass. I know my dad won't be getting a Witness Funeral (tm). I imagine I myself will have to give the eulogy at his remembrance service. But I think that is how it should be. I would much rather hear and talk about funny or warm anecdotes than about some afterlife reward that is all bullcrap anyway.
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journey-on
I insisted on a personal eulogy when my JW mother passed.
My fanatical JW sister tried to take over everything and we were headed for the religious infomercial kind of funeral. I calmly stepped in and told my sister that we (meaning MY grown children) wanted to say some things about their grandmother. She hesitated, I stood my ground, so she agreed, but she insisted that she KNOW in advance what was going to be said.
I told her that even though mother was a JW, she was so much more than that. My mother had NOT been raised a witness like us. So, she actually had a life at one time. We had the services at a funeral home (too many of mother's non-JW family attending, not to mention my df'd brothers) rather than the KH. Later, I was approached by some of the witnesses who told me that was one of the most touching and personal funerals they had ever attended.
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Lady Lee
When my father died (never a JW and he was no twith my mother wehen she was drafted) my step-sister and I went to the local United Church. He was not a member and as far as I know had never been inside a church in decades. The minister asked my step sister and I a little bit about him and his life. We made it clear he was an abusive person and didn't want some wonderful flowery talk about how much he loved his family. He agreed and made a sermon that talked about his life and some of th eimportant things in it but kept it very low key and then I gave his eulogy and did the same adding a few more details. We didn't praise him. In fact we praised those who were there despite how he treated them without going into any details. People who were related to him knew what we were talking about.
The end result was something very honest without being brutal and gave honor to all those who survived him (quite leterally survived him) Those who didn't know him probably never realized th epoint we were making.
My point here is that the elder giving the talk didn't need to know your fahter very wel to give a talk about him. All he had to do was ask the family about him.
But JW funerals are about the religion. It is an infomercial disguised as a funeral talk - just one more opportunity to honor the religion instead of the person.
One of the reasons for not celebrating birthdays is because of a scripture they use that says the day of one's death is more important than the day of theior birth. Too bad they don't even honor that by actually taling about the person that died.
You have every right to be angry. Like trevor said feelings aren't right or wrong. They are responses to how we feel about what is going on inside us or around us.
Something that might help you is to have your own little memorial to your father. Make it whatever you want to make it. And invite those you want there or just do it on your own. But find a way to create your own bit of closure.
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Honesty
JW Memorial Talk = Watchtower Society infomercial
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Giordano
I've been to four over the years and they all sucked. The person is quickly seperated from the commercial. Pure bull pucky. It makes me want to yell because for appearence sake and to honor the relative I have to sit there and look like I'm interested. I am reminded of the famous line from Jason's Dad. "See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while your talking, I'm thinking; How can I give less of a shit? That's why I look interested."
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Juan Viejo2
I've posted on this subject in the past. In my own experience I've been to the funerals of my mother, father, and step-mother, and everyone of them followed the standard JW funeral pattern. I even submitted a prepared eulogy for my father prior to his funeral, but it was totally ignored by the brother who gave the talk.
At http://ex-jw.com/two-funerals-michael-jackson I described the differences between the various funeral/memorials held for Michael Jackson two years ago. His private family funeral was held at Forest Lawn Memorial Park and the talk was given by a relative. But even though it was outside of the Kingdom Hall and was attended only by family and close personal friends, the talk was the same as for any other JW or JW family member.
Sad that JWs can not spend 30 minutes or more truly remembering their friend or family member.
One active sister wrote me after I published that article:
"I am an active Jehovah's Witness and always will be. But I happened to find your article about Michael Jackson and it made me so angry. Not at you for telling the truth and accurately describing JW funerals, but because of the hypocrisy of the Jackson family and my own experience.
"While the point of the JW funeral is to give a witness and to give all glory to Jehovah, few of the speakers ever remember why they are there. They are so stuck on the prepared outline that they hardly mention the deceased. In fact the dead become just a footnote to another public talk.
"The Jacksons approved that massive and impressive memorial at Staples Center and everyone made Michael out to be some kind of angel, the King of Pop, a superhuman and almost perfect person. In reality he was very talented, but he was also flawed in so many ways, had an addictive personality, and lived a very questionable lifestyle. But the big show did what it was designed to do - give him a big send off and remind the viewers of his many good deeds and accomplishments.
"So why did they feel it necessary to hold a separate JW funeral? What was that all about? He wasn't even a JW at the time and had in fact considered the possibility of converting to Islam. They couldn't even hold the funeral in a Kingdom Hall because he was tainted by being either DF'd or DA'd.
"My brother was also a former JW who became a musician. He was very, very good at what he did. He wrote several musical arrangements and songs that became quite popular. He was an accomplished bass and rythm guitar player. He was both a session and road musician for several major groups and performers. In spite of beng in the music business, he never became involved in drugs, alcohol, or roadie games. But he did not have time for meetings, service or assemblies - and really got tired of the constant harrassment by the elders that he give up his career and return to the Kingdom Hall. When he was robbed and killed by muggers while on a tour, the local elders commented that 'maybe Jehovah had punished him for his worldly ways.' No! He was killed by two ex-cons that had been out of prison barely a week. My family insisted on giving him a JW funeral. All the elder said about my brother was that 'he was a guitar player and had written a few songs.' That was it! No date of birth. Nothing about his family. No other mention about him or what he had accomplished.
"So although I am active and could never leave the Truth, I still burn inside every time the subject of my brother comes up. I will never again attend a JW funeral and I've asked my family not to hold a memorial for me should I precede them in death. But you know they will any way. They would never miss the opportunity to give another idiotic and unbearably dull public talk."
What more can you say after that description of a JW funeral?
JV
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White Dove
My gramma didn't want my grampa's urn at the hall because it would put too much attention on him.
WTF?!
It was HIS memorial.
We were supposed to be commemorating HIM.
She was an elderette and very legalistic.
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nugget
JW funerals are advertorials and really are not designed to honour the individual. This is a religion where no one is allowed to be better than anyone else in life as well as death. I have been to only one JW funeral where the person was truly remembered with love and affection all others have been a traversty. You were right to be offended.
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iceguy
When my Dad dies I will not go to the KH. When my Mom died in 09 I went to KH, they hardly talked about her and hardly anyone there. My Mom was not very active even before the dimentia so the Brother giving the talk had to make excuses as to why she was not out in service and that my Mom had her own special way of spreading the "Truth". I wanted to jump out of my seat and punch him right in the mouth! My Mom was such a loving and giving person and I don't think she really believed in the "truth" anymore. I wish I had a chance to talk to her about everything I have learned about the WTBTS. My Fiance ("worldly") said it was the worst funeral she had ever been to. There were more "Worldy" relatives there than JW's. I feel that if she had belonged to any other church she would have had so many friends there to celebrate her life. I hate the WTBTS!!!