My Personal Spiritual Journey- From Watchtower - Christianity - Agnosticism
I guess life is a journey and this journey becomes more exited when someone is willing to take that journey. One of our Greek poets wrote: "It is not the destination, but the journey that matters"...
My story is very similar like many thousands of ex-JW's around the globe. I was born in the "truth" in the late 60's, my dad was a Circuit Overseer, and from the day I came into this world all ever known was the Watchtower world. My everyday activities were focused on Organization activities any thing else was considered a sin, or useless, since the end was just around the corner and the most important thing was to save human lives. So I was escorting my dad since childhood to all WT's activities, field service, meetings, visiting other congregations. I grew up with the fear of Armageddon that will destroy this world, and my handful worldly friends I had from school. Since I was the only JW at school you can imagine how destructive was for me, watching your friends celebrating Christmas, birthdays, Easter (Passover) Holidays, plus I was kind of an alien amongst the children, especially when we had our morning prayer. It was the 70's and everyone in the WT was carried way by the frenzy of the end in 1975 and although I was only 7, I still feel the spirit of those days. Well 1975 pass and nothing happened and we have entered the 80's, with another warning by the WT that the "generation" that saw Jesus Christ invisible presence will not pass away and the end will come...So been a teenager in the mid 80's all I ever knew and listen it was that the "end" is close and we the young ones should spend our time in a lifesaving preaching work instead of seeking a carrier in this "Titanic" that soon will sunk. So I left school to become a pioneer to save the world. So the 80's and early 90's passed. Mean while I got married and had 2 kids. So it was 1995 when WT came with a "new light". My first doubts came across, but being a Ministerial Servant and Pioneer I suppress my negative thoughts by doing more in Jehovah's Organization. I did this until the dawn of the new millennium when I came across with very old publications of the WT that my father had in his library. I had all Rutherford's books and some from Russell. I read them ALL...Well that was the end of my world in WT, since I realize that WT never got a single prophecy in their short history of 140 years, but most of all I was astonished by the arrogance of Judge Jo. It seems he was a person with psychological problems, something you could easily see from his writings.
Another blow on the credibility of the WT occurred when I had the chance to do my own job (something to do with the media)but the elders of the WT opposed to my idea, threatening that they will take away all of my privileges. On the other hand I could see wealthy JW's (and we had a lot) making business, earning millions, enjoying elderly positions. It was clearly double standards by the WT in my case. Then I looked at the internet, found great web pages that confirmed my fears: WT is nothing more than a multimillion dollar company that is using the need of humans to worship God. Since I had a family I continued to attend JW meetings but I stepped down from all of my privileges, since I could no longer support WT. I started the process of fading and I quit meetings. But this wasn't enough for my faithful wife, so after a lot of pressure I said that I don't believe that WT has to do anything with God or so ever. Well she turned me to the elders!!! Mean while I continued my spiritual journey and I have looked many religions and I ended up following a mainstream Christian Church. So I got way from the judicial committee since I told the "elders" what they wanted to hear, but I guess that wasn't enough, since I had to prove my "loyalty" to the WT Society, so after the "appropriate" time of my lined up with the party ended, my wife turned me for a second time to the "loving elders" of the WT Society. I have already decided that I no longer wish to be part of WT, so I wrote a letter to them asking answers for 3 major questions. Well the questions are the ones that you cannot ask WT, so they didn't answer any of them, instead I was labeled as an apostate...
This was the end of my marriage, since there was no way after that to have a peaceful house, due to WT's policy for disfellowshiped persons. But my journey didn't end here. I continue to read and search, since I love reading, then I came up with some notes I wrote few years back regarding some disturbing facts in the Old Testament. I combined this notes with some archeological facts of the Mesopotamian region and the Hebrew nation. The outcome was the following:
1. Noah's Flood was just a replica of an older Sumerian myth the Epic of Gilgamesh. In fact there is no scientific evidence that such event ever took place.
2. The contradictions found in the Old Testament, which are many and one example is the "story" of Cain and Abel. Why God likes animal sacrifices instead of fruits and vegetables? If Cain was cursed to hang around in the land, then how come did he build a city? And how many people it takes to build a city? Why would a God of love who hates human sacrifices demands from Abraham to sacrifice his only son? How come Lot had sex with his own daughters? How come few years after the flood human kind got multiplied so much that they decided to build a city?
3. There is not single archeological evidence either from the Egyptian writings or any other ancient civilization that the Israelites stayed prisoners in Egypt for 400 years and the most ridiculous part is that 70 people in just 400 years managed to become a mighty nation of 3 millions!!! The only reference we had is of Ahomose an Egyptian King that sends out from Egypt a group of thieves, smugglers and bandits called Hyksos because they created much trouble to the Egyptian Empire. So maybe this is the only reference we got for the Israelites and their "great exodus". So being humiliated they created the myth of their Exodus, even they use the name of the Egyptian King Ahomose with a slight change and they present it as their savior - Moses!!! Most of the cities that they occupied have been long before desolated, and the strangest is that how come 3 million people hang around in the desert for 40 years without any archeological evidence.
4. Most of all is the misogynist attitude of the nomad writers of the Old Testament. Women are treated like a low form of life, a belonging and not a human creature. If you rape a virgin then you have to pay to her father a certain amount of money and then you can marry her!!! If a woman doesn't scream in a rape attempt she is guilty of prostitution and she must stone to death!!! So women are just a trade item for those Semitic nomads. Not to mention the supposed genocides that Israelites did by the commands of Jah, the killing of innocent babies because they were males, but they spare the life of female virgins in some cases. Is this God of love? Or how come a God of love forbids anyone who is handicap to enter the Temple, because He considers that they will defile Him by entering? The questions are so many that you can write a book regarding Old Testament absurdness.
Then there also some issues in the New Testament: How come in the Early Christian Church, along with the traditional Gospels that circulate at that time, we had some other Gospels like the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, the Gospel Of Judas, the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Joseph, just to name a few, and those Gospels are rejected by the Church Fathers!!! For instance the Gospel of Magdalene shows that she was equal amongst the rest of the disciples and there was turmoil between them and her, since Jesus gave a special role in the Church, something that they couldn't accept: A woman with Priesthood position...
Again there is a huge difference from the God of Wrath and Jealousy in the Old Testament (you will not worship other God, and if you dare I'll kill you), and with the teachings of Jesus. Jesus preached the universal law of Love, he preached about forgiveness, caring the sick and the old, but most of all that Love conquers all things. He was associated with all those that considered by the Mosaic Law as worth of killing them, prostitutes, tax collectors, Gentiles. It seems that Jesus came from another world and not from the angry God of the Hebrews. Perhaps he was just a person that came to bring a different message to mankind, but no matter what, I still keep his message.
In this journey I'm convinced that, life on this planet came through an evolution process. This is a fact, but still I cannot accept that we are just a coincidence. It is just like having a scrap yard with scattered parts of computer hard disks, hard drives, screens, wires, mother boards, power supply, software programs, and suddenly a tornado passes by and a super computer is being created...I do believe in a Creator of this universe, but I don't believe that any religion on this planet can claim that they represent this Creator. I feel that religion instead of bringing people together it divides them, creating more trouble. The point is the major 3 religions of this word, Judaism, Christianity and Islam, their foundation is based upon FAIRY TALES from some old misogynist nomads invented, in order to keep people suppressed. Religion instead of freeing people it enslaves them. Unfortunately no one has the courage to look deep and examine the roots of those 3 religions that cause and causing so much harm in this world. It is matter of personal choice to examine if your religion is best upon facts or is just a myth, once this is done then the real awaking takes process. Instead of spending our time fighting and debating with each other who is wrong or who is right, we could use that afford to create a better world of understanding.
I guess John Lennon was so right when he said:
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too