The ties that keep you in chains

by dgp 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • dgp

    I am under the impression that one of the worst aspects of life as a Jehovah's witness is that every new family and friendship tie you make might become a chain if you ever want out.

    I was never a JW and therefore don't have the mindset, but, being who I am, I find that I would not want to create any ties with the witness community. Of course, I would need them. But it would feel to me that every new friend I made, and every relative, would come at the price of their eventually becoming your worst enemies.

    Let's use marriage as an example. I would want a woman by my side, to share my life; but then I would also feel that I would need to find her among the witnesses only; my relationship with her would need to be approved by others; I would not be free to actually get to meet her before we married; once we married, she'd be someone who would know me intimately and could turn me in to the elders; and, if, unfortunately, my relationship didn't work, I would need to sleep with someone else and be disfellowshipped in order to be able to divorce her. It seems to me that I would choose to have a hidden relationship with a worldly woman for as long as I could. Marriage would seem like too much of a burden for little reward unless I were able to find a truly lovable woman.

    If I were an old man, then I would feel like I would need to hide my true opinions in order not to be desserted by those I love. And so on.

    I wonder what you people think about this.

  • No Room For George
    No Room For George

    Two Sudays ago, the weather out here was gorgous and it played into the mood at the hall because it was more jovial than typical. We had quite a few visitors as one of our younger brothers did his first public talk. I shook so many hands that day, and got a few hugs. Even walking down the parking lot towards the entrance door, people were driving by and honking their horns. Some weeks before that was our special day assembly, and I hugged more than a few people. Every assembly too, there are people that remember me as a child and they greet men, a couple of them might hug me. One older woman wanted a kiss on the cheek which I didn't realize until another brother embraced her after I got my hug and then I realized why she stuck her face out. I was on the stage crew, and shaking hands back there, and being on the stage crew you feel like you're really part of something. You're rubbing elbows with the CO/DO, special Bethel Speaker, the elite families who do interviews and demos every year. All of that plays in your heart even if you say that it doesn't. You don't want to hurt them, and even the ones that you dont' give a hoot about you don't want them to talk bad about you. One of the worst things I hate that my parent say is this, "All of my kids are serving Jehovah." They have no idea how much pressure that puts on me and possibly my brother and sister.

  • BluesBrother

    I was never one of the elite "in crowd" but I had spent my life in that Organization. All my friends, the only family that mattered, everything was tied up with my continuing in good standing as a dub.

    When I first had independent thinking the hardest part to overcome was that all these good men whom I had admired , "could they all be totally wrong?" It is harder for a dub to accept that the WT is wrong than to believe that the Earth is flat or that the moon is made of green cheese !

    When you do succumb to the undeniable truth, that this is just another man-made religion, then you say goodbye to everything that you have ever known. That is why it takes courage and only a few of us do it

  • Intel

    BluesBrother, you don't know how I appreciate your comment.....I am at a cross-road....and very desperate...(just made a new topic "Talked to a non-JW for the first time in 20 years......")

    .....right now I feel very sick and tired because of this "decision" that is ahead.......this really throws you in such a mental agony.....

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    It is heartbreaking. Leaving people behind in the Borg is like being the people in the lifeboats watching the Titanic go down with their friends, husbands, brothers, etc. on board.

  • DesirousOfChange

    ....right now I feel very sick and tired because of this "decision" that is ahead....

    I've just continued to put off any serious decision that could have any grave consequences. Maybe a fade. Given up hope for any change.


  • Violia

    I was told " I am not going to bite the hand that fed me". This person's life would have been one of probable poverty and they were rescued by jws. They did not believe "the truth" any longer , but would not turn their back on all these people who helped them. They would sit on a JC and DF someone for apostasy even though they no longer believed this just b/c they would remain loyal. They said they could look themselves in the mirror without any problem. I can't do this, but I do see the point about not biting the hand that fed them.

    What do you think?

  • mrsjones5

    "One of the worst things I hate that my parent say is this, "All of my kids are serving Jehovah." Forgive me but I'm posting from an iPad so the formatting is a bit wonky. I reposted what Misery said because my mother complained to my brother just last month that she gets depressed because none of her adult children are in the truth. Know what? I don't feel bad about that. I'm adult and I have a right to live and worship God as I see fit. I can't help that my not being a jw depresses my mother. I'm not responsible for her happiness.

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    I agree with MrsJones.

    I am the only one in my immediate family to leave the JWs. We always considered ourselves one of the "good JW" families. My dad had been an elder for many years, my sister pioneered for several years. So there was condsiderable pressure to remain a JW, even though I knew the JWs were wrong.

    But, ultimately, it was about my own life and happiness. I had to leave the religion behind while finding a way to keep my family. It is possible.

    Yes, people will talk behind your back. SO WHAT??? Is this high school all over again? Who CARES what people think of you, especially if you're not doing anything wrong??? As an adult, you have the right to live your life as you see fit.

    When I left the JWs, I was engaged to a JW. It was heartbreaking, but I had to break off the engagement in order to leave the JWs. I knew I couldn't marry a JW and be a non-JW at the same time. It wouldn't be fair to him or to me. Being a JW wasn't worth the trouble of living against my conscience.

    So there are sacrifices to be made if you leave the JWs, but the rewards (freedom of thought and actions) are worth it.

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