I wish you had someone to talk to in person there. I don't get the impression you have very much inner peace, so that is my hope for you. Peace, in Christ, to you.
Also, do something physical. I think that might help. Punching bag. Boxing. Running. Working out. Swimming. Then you're getting some frustration out, AND you're doing your body good. Next time you post your pic, you really WILL be Taye Diggs ;)