Happiness after almost a year!

by fade_away 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • fade_away

    That book: "The Secret of Family Happiness" is missing the part that teaches you to live happy with your family. It tells you to engage in family study and preach more. I started my own family. So far it's my wife and I that have been married for almost a year (no kids yet). Everyone told me that the toughest part of marriage would be the first year, since we would still be getting to know each other. Elders always joked about how I'm about to walk the plank and their jokes always implied misery ahead. They even told me on several occasions what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:28..." But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."

    All this was told to me with the purpose of scaring me away from marriage and dedicate my life to the organization instead. Just like they tried to scare me away from getting a job...just like they tried to scare me away from getting the college degree I wanted (which they did unfortunately.) "No college, no job, no marriage...We're you're teachers, we're you're career, we're you're wife." No thanks, my actual wife is much more beautiful and attractive than the elders.

    Well, it's been almost a year and my wife and I left the organization. So far, I haven't experience "the first year is the toughest" part. Her and I have been the happiest we've ever been in our whole lives!! Back when we were both living our seperate lives with our JW families, we were miserable. My wife came close to killing herself once way before I ever met her. But now we have honestly spent the last 10 months smiling and laughing and having the best time of our lives...fully enjoying the freedom we have never felt before. We can go out and come back home at any time with no chaperones up our butts, we can watch whatever we want on tv, and we can think for ourselves and express ourselves however we want!

    Damn, it feels great! When I told and elder (her cousin's husband) of our happiness, he said the Devil may be giving us a break for now. That the hardships may come later...Gee, thanks. I know there'll be hardships sooner or later, but that doesn't necessarily mean that like all elders, we are gonna lose our happiness, grow cold with each other, and then succomb to the book "The Secret of Family Happiness" as our means of salvation for our relationship. Happiness can be achieved with the right person and not with some book by the GB. My dad had a cold relationship with my mom. They loved each other, but they never ever kissed, hugged, or said "I love you". Not once...with the exception of anniversaries where a room of people kept chanting "Kiss kiss kiss!" Other than that, my dad spent his time in a room with a laptop working on talks, territory and other people's problems, while my mother spent her time watching tv in the living room.

    What was I to do? Stay in my room and play videogames. Three family members, three different rooms, three separate lives. The only family get together was for the mandatory family study everyone did under duress. After that, it was back to our separate rooms. My dad noticed this and even though he was doing exactly as the GB told him to, he still felt an empty void in our family. He didn't know why. He was studying with his family, he was putting Jehovah first, he was reading the family happiness book and yet, he felt something was missing. So did I. The difference was I knew what it was; he didn't. We needed to spent less time on the WT and more time as a family. Barbe Qs, camping, road trips...that's what we needed.

    Well, now it's too late for that. But I started my own family and now I'm gonna make sure we spent it happy. The first step I already took. Leave the WT.

  • MrFreeze

    I can't give you the secret to happiness but I can say for sure it doesn't involve stepping foot inside of a Kingdom Hall.

  • Marie B. Paraison
    Marie B. Paraison

    Fade_away it sound like a very good plan to me. Make sure daily Bible reading is in your plans.

  • sister x
    sister x

    Great story!! I hope one day I start a family and have happiness like that....

  • mrquik

    Good for you. I wasted a lot of years of my life living the WT lie. I left & remarried. I can't express the joy of being with the love of my life. I'm so glad for you. Live well...... enjoy life.

  • clarity


    Congratulations! Wonderful to hear from 2 people who put forth the effort to think!

    So refreshing ... keep up the good work!


  • sizemik

    Here's another perspective fade_away . . .

    My wife's Uncle died last week . . . we went to the funeral yesterday.

    He was 82 years old . . . and had been married for 60 years. He saw his wife as the best a man could have . . . and she saw him as the best husband in the world.

    He was a man who put his wife and family first right throughout his life . . . he was a fabulous musician with a great sense of humour . . . always wanting to have fun . . . with his friends and his family. He was a man of extrordinary generosity, loyalty and honesty. It was the best funeral I have ever been to.

    He had a great life . . . a very happy life . . . did many things . . . but aside from his personal beliefs which were just that . . . religion featured very little.

    I came away thinking there's a lesson to be learned from him.

  • Quandry

    Great to read that you and your wife are happy. Enjoy your time together!

  • the_raisin

    fade_away, I am so happy for you!!! Congrats on the happy marriage, and pllleeeaaaseeeremember, that somedays won't be so great, there WILL be fights, and one day that honemoon phase will end (or maybe not? lol it did for me), but no matter what, YOU HAVE EACH OTHER. It's hard work, marriage is, but trust me, don't give up. Keep going. Keep working. Keep hoping. Because it truly is worth it when you're down and you have someone so close to pick you up!

  • WTWizard

    Certainly, you cannot create or enhance happiness wasting all that time going to boasting sessions or out in field circus. And no, happiness is not greatest just above the poverty line.

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