Cried myself to sleep.........

scooterspank

Cried myself to sleep. Last night was the second time. I have been out for 20 (give or take) years. The problem is 1) I recently ran into a lot of witnesses, 2) I realized through observed conversation with said witnesses that my mother has started going to meetings again. I sent her an e-mail after I found out about the now infamous 7/15/11 Watchtower and I don't know what to think. She assured me of her continuing love but would't bring up the actual issue. She won't bring it up and I fear I will be reduced to a weeping pile of crap if I bring it up (or a screaming lunatic). The once fun and open relationship is now strained. There is an elephant in the room. The history of my life raised as a JW is soooooo long I wouldn't know where to start, but...my mother and I managed to take our once strained and toxic relationship to a wonderful relationship that now has a cloud hanging over it. I HATE IT!!! I hope one day I can tell my story here but it is so long and I wouldn't know where to start. On a positive note...I AM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS WEBSITE. I am getting therapy I never knew I needed. I've always thought of myself as a bit of a bad ass when it came to leaving the "truth" (or fading as you call it) but now I realize I'm still a bit of a pitiful puddle of misery (no doubt has something to do with my mother situation). I popped in to see her tonight, saw a Watchtower , then she was telling me about some old JW friends she found on Facebook and oh how happy he was pioneering, blah, blah, blah... My mother is the bomb!!! I just don't want the "organization" to suck that amazing spirit (her spirit) out of her. Going to go cry again, just remembered a wierd moment tonight. It's not that she's rejecting me but I have this paranoia... that she will. I know I'm lucky compared to most on this website and please let me say that I recognize that as far as my relationship with my mother goes I'm still very lucky but I'm terrified I'm going to lose it.

What the hell... here's a story. I was not going to meetings, living my life, WooHoo. I was dating a very nice gentleman from Chicago (I live in SC) I picked him up at the airport and we headed to a restaurant. Unbeknownst to me there was a JW family there. Fast forward a week or so... my JW sister-in-law informs me that I was seen "all over this guy" by previously stated JW, specifically the teenage daughter(who wouldn't know the meaning of "all over someone"!) and was informed that I should not kiss, in any way, my toddler nephew for fear I might give him AIDS. HAH!!! How's that for messed up?!?

I have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many more but the wine is kicking in and I feel like cuddling with my WONDERUL, saved my life NON-jw husband. (-: (-: (-: I apologize for any bad grammar or spelling or anything else offensive I might have said.

nicolaou

You don't need to apologise for anything! Just know that you are among friends here (and the occasional retard). I can't tell you what your future will bring but I can say that you don't need to face it alone.

Love Nic'

tec

You didn't say anything offensive. I'm glad you feel good enough about this place that you can talk, vent, look for advice, and gain some advice and empathy.

I'm sorry about your mom. Just keep giving her an opportunity to show that spirit of hers; let her know how much you love and admire her.

And enjoy your cuddling ;)

Tammy

scooterspank

Thank you so much. Any suggestions about how to discuss my feelings about her going back to meetings and my absolute disgust for this religion? I do realize disgust would not be the right word to use but I don't know how to expresss my feelings to her and that is what is driving me crazy. She said something to me one day when we were randomly talking about the news and politcs. She said she always wanted to be like Jane Fonda (I think she was referring to being outspoken and standing up for what you believe in, I don't think she was referring to the "truth") WTF... I know in my heart she's in this for the wrong reasons... she can't believe this crap... PLEASE HELP ME REASON WITH HER!

the max

He will be along soon, we will all try to help to the best of our abilities, hope your asleep now

jean-luc picard

I recognize that as far as my relationship with my mother goes I'm still very lucky but I'm terrified I'm going to lose it.

Hi scooterspank. I wonder what you thought of my suggestion on your last post?

she was telling me about some old JW friends she found on Facebook......

Sounds like your mum is nostalgic. So why not try and give her some of your own shared nostalgia.

nugget

I feel for you and the fear you have. JWs are judgemental and regimented they want everyone in the organisation to conform to a specific way of doing things including shunning.

Your mum has made contact with JWs possibly because she is lonely, or nostalgic. The people she has met are happy and friendly and if she is coming back she will have received the full love bomb experience. time and distance may have made the reasons for her initial fade seem less important.

Time is on your side and your past relationship is a positive. It is early days and if your mum was unhappy before she may well be again as JWs have not changed for the better in the past few years. All you can do for now is keep building the relationship with your mother remind her of your love and affection. Be there for her and make sure she is aware that your feelings will not change.

You have a husband who loves you, he may not get the whole shunning thing people who have no experience of JWs find the behaviour bizzare, but he will be there for you. You do not have to face this alone I personally have found this board invaluable and supportive it helps to give some perspective but often it helps you to think differently. Keep posting we are here to help if we can.

Scully

she was telling me about some old JW friends she found on Facebook......

The WTS has advised JWs to avoid the use of social networking sites like Facebook. Does your mom know that?

sizemik

Heck! . . . after 20 years you would like to think you could be all done with this lot!

May I ask . . . Are you sure of the real reason for her wanting to return? . . . is it really a sentimental desire for old friends?

It could be some thing else perhaps . . . maybe the recent natural disasters around the world? . . . or the political turmoil?

I just feel you need to be sure of her true motivation before you can sucessfully address it.

Maybe you can gently feel her out about it . . .

scooterspank

Thank you everybody for your remarks.

Jean Luc, Your advice was sound and I will plan an afternoon with her soon, remember some of the good times.

Sizemik "Heck! . . . after 20 years you would like to think you could be all done with this lot!"

I really was. Never thought about it until I found out she was going back to meetings. Then I freaked. Then I found this website, which of course stirred up some things. I never knew there were so many websites with people like me who can understand this sort of thing. I would have given anything for this type of discussion all those years ago. Oh, and I have thought about the earthquake thing. I also wonder if maybe her age has something to do with it. She's in great health but she is in her seventies. Who Knows? I'll have to do some digging.

I'm just glad this sort of thing is available to all the people who are obviously struggling.

You are an amazing group of people!!!

Cried myself to sleep.........

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