What are your thoughts on marrying later in life?

by cult classic 20 Replies latest social relationships

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  Magwitch

  My widowed FIL (age 75) married a sister in his hall that was 42. We were all totally against the marriage. He was well to do and newly baptized. Within 3 years (of living on McDonalds, Wendys and Burger King) he was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. He died shortly after the diagnosis. He had a will that gave everything to his two children (my husband at the time). However, since the will was drawn up a year before his new marriage it was worthless. She got EVERYTHING (including the salt and pepper shakers and family pictures). He had a large life insurance policy made out to his daughter, but somehow the new wife ended up with that too (long story, but true). The family took her to the elders and then took her to court, however in CO law the wife gets everything if there is not a will (and his will was not valid).

  There is no fool like an old fool

  I am totally for marrying at any age, but only for Love. No other reasons are good enough in my book.
• 

  cult classic

  Sab I think that as one gets older that could be a legit consideration. In this case they're really pooling resources because she's worked her entire life and continues to work. I don't think I would ever marry for that reason. Nor would I want that to be the sole consideration for a loved one either, no matter what their age.

  But doesn't marriage end up being in part about security? Emotional, social, financial or other? In lots of places it's mostly about financial security for the family.
• 

  cult classic

  Wow Magwitch. That's a trip. That's what my husband and his siblings are worried about. It will be interesting to see how this pans out.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  When the 80 year-old man was warned that his upcoming marriage to a 30 year-old could prove fatal, he had a simple reply...

  "If she dies, she dies."
• 

  jamiebowers

  I think marrying later in life is a good thing, providing that both parties are marrying for love and companionship. If that's the case with your f-i-l, whatever financial security he's provding for her will be more than compensated for with the care she will probably have to give to him as he ages. Your husband and his siblings should talk to their father to find out what intentions he has towards them regarding an inheritence. I know a lady who remarried late in life, and her husband stipulated in his will that she could live in his house until her death, but then it was to be sold with the proceeds going to his adult children. She has investments that are separate from their joint assets that wil go to her adult children when she dies.
• 

  NomadSoul

  The other day I saw an old man come through the door with a beautiful young woman. I asked him if that was his girlfriend. He answered, "She's my wife!".

  I had to ask him how he got her to marry him. He replied, "I lied about my age".

  Confused I asked him how old he was. He answered, "I'm 70, but I told her I was 90".

  (Rimshot)
• 

  cult classic

  Billy and Nomad - LOL

  Jamie - I will give them the heads up on that. Thanks for that experience. Sending you a pm in a minute.
• 

  Broken Promises

  Magwitch, the same thing happened to my sister and I.

  Our widower father remarried in 1987 to a woman 21 years his junior. He was 63 at the time.

  18 months ago he died. His second wife inherited everything. All we got were a few trinkets and a photo or two.

  So, you'll have to excuse me if I have a rather bitter view of these kinds of marriages.
• 

  Band on the Run

  Is financial gain worse than sexual gain? Maybe some people are more introspective about their motivations. How does anyone truly know, esp. not a party to the marriage. It bothers me that women are seen as gold diggers. Typically, if hubbie had to buy a wive's services on the open market, he would be in bankrupt in short order.

  Children often feel they are entitled to the great wealth, which is rarely great. Maybe they just get used to no one else being in the picture. People get very worked up about the money but not other issues. Law, tradition and it may be old canon law assumes the wife is the partner in the marriage. Remember Jesus talking about one body. It is very difficult to disinheirit a wife. Very easy to get rid of children. Children and wife are different relationships. There are always prenupitals, too.

  I could be wrong but I sense that there was more sanctity towards marriage when I was young. Children stayed in their place. They aren't entitled to any money. If a parent wants to bequeath it, it is out of kindness. And one should be gracious and not criticize the paltriness of the gift. If you die without a will, intestate succession occurs. The government has a preference scale and your money is automatically distributed. It is sort of a default will. I can't recall what the scenario is for a wife and children. I'd have to look it up and it would be different in any state.

  Wills are very hard to write properly. It is the largest malpractice area for lawyers. As someone posted, people make wills anticipating the status quo will continue and never update them. There are some rather petty rules about signing, handwriting but all the details are taken very seriously. Many times the very opposite of the testator wishes happens.

  Now if we were discussing my mother, in particular, I might be appalled.
• 

  Lozhasleft

  Its definitely worked for me.

  Loz x