Are you still on your local congregation's radar because of out of town family?

by VampireDCLXV 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  VampireDCLXV

  Over a couple of years ago, I did a relatively quick fade, having dropped FS and then meetings cold turkey with the space of a few months. Sure there was a bit of harassment and stalking for a while but it soon petered out as my wish to be left alone became know among the locals. Admittedly I stretched things out a little bit longer by going to meetings and conventions when I visited family in their towns for about another year after but now I'm completely "clean" as it were. I hardly see or hear from ppl in my congo; they either ignore me or I cut the convo short if any of them try stop to talk. I'm moving on and slowly making new friends. Life's great, huh? Not so fast...

  The problem is that my Mom keeps visiting me every couple of months or so on average and my sisters (and JW husbands) visit me at least once a year as well. The way I see it, the locals don't need to phone or knock when all they need to get info on what I'm up to from my family, especially Mom. I think it's nearly impossible to stay invisible to the locals when family shows up in the local congo and them reminding the locals that I'm still here by their mere presence at the local JW meetings alone; no need for them to even say anything. It's true that all the family moved away to other places and I'm the only one who stayed here in the town I grew up in. I wonder what info the locals have been pumping my Mom and sisters for. What do they know? I try to tell JW family as little as I can get away with but with what I've been reading here, all it takes is for one or two higher ups to have it in for you and they can tar and feather you as they please. I love my home town but I wonder if I might have to move away to be truly free of ppl in my past. I'm making new friends here too and I'm not keen on starting over.

  So folks, does anyone else here have issues with JW family visiting from out of town while you're trying to fade? Do you still have family in town? In your congregation? What's your story?

  V665
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  Jadeen

  If I was in your situation, I would keep telling the family as little as possible. If anyone makes a comment, you could say that the nosiest gossip in the congo "stumbled" you, and very idea of attending meetings with them makes you ill. You can probably think of something.

  For most Witnesses, if you're out of sight, you're out of mind. Sounds like it's been going okay so far, but you might want to plan some excuses- sounds like a witch apostate and inactive hunt might be coming up, from comments I've seen on here about upcoming lit.
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  charlie brown jr.

  My Mother, Sister, and Brother left before me....

  When my Marriage was beyond repair I had enough.........

  knowing I would lose my Children because of my choice.

  My family (Mom ect) hold nothing back. My Sister is one who if she don't like you ...You will know... Many Brave Brothers have made the trek up those Stairs only to Run back to their Car in Terror!

  Losing my Children was very Painful... but the Hole has slowly filled in with Love from those who don't care where I came from or What my past was.

  I couldn't Imagine how you put up with the reminders of What a Different person you are and Remember How things where? (Guilt trips)

  You are a Very Strong Person Vamp.....

  And you only continue to get Stronger!
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  Mad Sweeney

  Mine call the elders here to check up on me. God forbid they call me and see how I'm doing.
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  flipper

  VAMPIRE- Good thread. I WAS off the radar for 7 years until a month ago when my JW daughter talked to an elder up where I live ( 80 miles from my daughter ) and told this elder where I lived to go call on me and " encourage " me. I never even ATTENDED meetings up in this area. Nobody even knew I existed up here ! Till a month ago. Fortunately the elder just called one time and I told him my views and doubts and that I just want a decent relationship with my daughter - with no JW reasons for the relationship. So my daughter wrote a letter, and I'll stay in touch- but avoid JW topics.

  If you can just stay on normal family topics with your JW family by avoiding ANY JW topics it may go better for you. In time you'll be able to tell WHICH JW relatives you can talk with, and which ones you cannot open up to about JW stuff. But be discerning. Many of our JW relatives first allegiance is to the WT society - then us. That being said you can have a relatively private life and keep the big bad elders from you by just being incognito and keeping your distance. Just try to make your personal time with your JW family AWAY from OTHER local JW's. Be proactive and invite your JW relatives to go do something AWAY from Kingdom halls or OTHER JW's. Then maybe it will lessen the nosiness of local intruding JW's from your former congregation. I would only move if it got out of hand as a final option. Just my 2 cents, for what tHAT'S worth. Hang in there buddy, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  flipper

  VAMPIRE- Good thread. I WAS off the radar for 7 years until a month ago when my JW daughter talked to an elder up where I live ( 80 miles from my daughter ) and told this elder where I lived to go call on me and " encourage " me. I never even ATTENDED meetings up in this area. Nobody even knew I existed up here ! Till a month ago. Fortunately the elder just called one time and I told him my views and doubts and that I just want a decent relationship with my daughter - with no JW reasons for the relationship. So my daughter wrote a letter, and I'll stay in touch- but avoid JW topics.

  If you can just stay on normal family topics with your JW family by avoiding ANY JW topics it may go better for you. In time you'll be able to tell WHICH JW relatives you can talk with, and which ones you cannot open up to about JW stuff. But be discerning. Many of our JW relatives first allegiance is to the WT society - then us. That being said you can have a relatively private life and keep the big bad elders from you by just being incognito and keeping your distance. Just try to make your personal time with your JW family AWAY from OTHER local JW's. Be proactive and invite your JW relatives to go do something AWAY from Kingdom halls or OTHER JW's. Then maybe it will lessen the nosiness of local intruding JW's from your former congregation. I would only move if it got out of hand as a final option. Just my 2 cents, for what tHAT'S worth. Hang in there buddy, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  keyser soze

  My oldest brother is the PO of his cong, and a substitute CO. So he knows all the elders in the area. I have been called a few times during my fade, on my cell phone. I can only assume they got my number from him.
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  fade_away

  I live in the same town my family does, but far enough to be in another cong. I faded extremely fast. It took abouth 2 months until I dissapeared completely. But my dad as an elder, can keep in touch with the elders of the congo I'm supposed to be attending. So by now my parents are aware that we are not attending. My mother is depressed cause she "won't see me or have me eternally in paradise" and my dad is dissapointed.

  They are both amazing wonderful parents which I owe my life to. I really love them, so the thought of me hurting them kills me....it makes me sick. That's what I'm doing to them, but staying in the religion hurts me. I have to choose, hurt them or hurt myself.
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  fade_away

  On a lighter note... Here's a funny video I found!

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu9H4qsZK4o&feature=related

  Humor keeps me sane.
• 

  VampireDCLXV

  Thanks for the response so far guys. Keep 'em coming!

  @Jadeen

  When I dropped FS and meetings, I was extremely depressed at the time... something I still struggle with today. In retrospect, I now realize that it was because of being around such a toxic group of people that I became depressed in the first place. When I tell my family and other folks that I can't go to meetings, etc. because I'm depressed, it's the gospel truth. I can't go back to being a JW without further risking my mental health. Even if it isn't the truth, it's a strategy I heartily recommend to others when it comes to fading. I've also read the info here about leadership possibly tightening the screws when it comes to "inactive" JWs and it definitely has me unsettled. I suppose that besides "depresssion", I probably will have to have another card or two up my sleeve...

  @charlie brown jr.

  It's horrible that you had to lose your wife and kids over the issue but I do understand the need for self preservation. It's an awful choice between losing your marriage and kids or losing your mind. I'm glad that you still have your Mom and your sibs. I'm here for ya too.

  @Mad Sweeny

  Doesn't it make you feel all warm and cozy inside that your family has the local gestapo check in on you to see if you're still alive? If only they didn't allow fear for their own skins get in the way of genuine family ties! The BOrg are not family at all.

  @flipper

  It's maddening, isn't it, when people try to hide a personal agenda under the guise of wanting to reconnect? JWs aren't interested in saving others so much as saving their own skins so that they can stand before God and say "I tried". I'm sorry that you had 7 years of peace and quiet disturbed for this. As for me, I avoid discussion of the JW religion like the plague, because it IS the plague! It's a plague upon families and society as a whole.

  @keyser soze

  I'm sorry that your brother didn't respect your wishes to live your life without the JW's troublesome meddlings. It's sad how little respect JWs have for other's privacy and peace of mind.

  @fade_away

  Despite what your parents say, you're not doing anything to them; they're doing it to themselves. They are the ones who continue to believe in this crap and they have no right to beat you or others over the head with it. Again, it's a matter of self preservation. Either you lose the religion or you lose your mind!

  V665