I had my talk with an elder last Saturday

by voltaire 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • voltaire
    voltaire

    How can I sum up how it went? In a word... aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    There, I feel better! We went to a Chinese buffet. We talked for about 3 hours. At first we talked about science and evolution. He's a very likeable guy, but not a bit equipped to reason on anything scientific. We talked about dates and prophetic speculaion.Same old story, "nobody's perfect yada yada yada". Quite towad the end I blurted out, without even realizing what I was saying, "but that's what YOU GUYS say!" He realized that I don't really consider myself a JW. He was quite shocked. We went around and around some more, this time about how I didn't think it was really ehtical to shun someone for holding different opinions. His reasoning was, if you don't contribute then get out. He said it's like a family, If you don't want to work, the father kicks you out. I told him that unbelieving mates come all the time, but don't " contribute", yet they're treated humanely. Then he said I had made a commitment to God. mentioned how I was 17 when I made that commitment and had been indoctrinated since about 6. He said it was very serious and encouraged me to tell the P.O. He said he wanted to give me that chance. I asked him to do it. Our meeting is tonight, so I hope that gets done soon. (I don't go to the midweek meetings due to work, for that matter I don't go to the Sunday meeting because I don't want to)He also encouraged me to write a letter telling the congregation that I don't want to be a witness. I want them to be men enough to DF me. I haven't done anything wrong. If they don't like my attitude or conduct, they'll have to do something about it. In the end I'm betting they announce it as a DA. Who knows...or cares.

  • RunningMan
    RunningMan

    "Who knows...or cares."

    You just said it all. They can only control you if you let them. (Spoken courageously by someone who is hopelessly stuck on the inside)

    You'll be much better off after this is over.

  • voltaire
    voltaire

    Running Man,

    Believe me, I understand why you might be lying low. Don't feel that it's inappropriate to protect yourself anyway you can. What I'm doing just happens to be right for me now.

  • Beans
    Beans

    Hey Vol:
    You know you can just walk away if you want!If you have made up your mind your already there.I just stopped going at 16 didn`t want to talk to any of them so I just split,yeah sure people were calling wanting to have a bible study and ask questions,I just said I wasn`t interested,(sorta slamming the door) lol!You may feel that you have to explain yourself to them and bring them with you or have them try to understand your new views but they won`t so say see ya and leave it, no problem!

    Good Luck Vol!

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    It's like a family my arse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since when have any of us kicked our kids out for not contributing? Geez the streets would be awash with kids! What a crock. It's exactly not like a family. Families forgive and put up with and turn a blind eye and are there when they are needed. I hope you will make them return to this issue tonight. YOU WERE SEVENTEEN when you made a committment. It doesn't count. Jesus was 29 ?? when he made a committment. Doesn't that tell them something? Shunning people for thinking differently to themselves is barbaric and it's ungodlike!

    Notice though how this nice guy, as you called him, turned into a robot when push came to shove? I've experienced that a number of times. They are nice until you threaten their belief system - then they switch on to auto-play!

    Well you're getting what you wanted so I guess you are please. I jsut hate letting them play their stupid games.

  • simplesally
    simplesally

    If you write a letter they DA you, as you know. But if you haven't done anything wrong, why should you DA yourself? Just walk away if you want. They can't DF you without meeting with you unless you have joined the military, living with someone without being married, have started attending another religion's meetings or actively go apostate and start promoting those ideas......Then they say you DA yourself by your actions.

    I'd make them DF me, or better yet, can't you just walk away, not meet with them. But maybe you will end up with a policeman elder who hunts you down and keeps encouraging you to write that letter, seen that happen, too.....and then its hard on his family and his daughter.

  • voltaire
    voltaire

    Why don't I just walk away? If I weren't married to a very stubbornly committed JW, I would move away. I've talked to my wife repeatedly about whether it's ethical to shun, etc. She's determined not to budge an inch. She's just like Marilyn said about the elder. She's a nice person, really a great person...unless you threaten her belief system, in which case she can turn ice-cold in a heartbeat. To be frank, although I don't like to admit it, I'm so fed up with my marriage, that when I'm disfellowshipped that will be jsutification for divorce. At that point she'll have to make a choice, me or the "truth". Of course, it's a no-brainer for her.

    I hope it doesn't sound cold and calculating on my part, but at this point we have two separate social lives. It will only get worse after I'm disfellowshipped. If she puts her organization above her marriage, I understand her to be forfeiting the marriage. She says that DF doesn't end the marriagge bonds. I say hogwash. I don't take divorce lightly. On the other hand I've lived a lie for too long.It's led to depression and tremendous anguish. So I'm going to be honest with the elders. They can do what they want. But if the elders think they can inject themselves into my personal life, they're wrong. If my wife thinks she can support such unethical treatment towards her husband and still have a husband, she's wrong, too. So, I'm allowing the issue to come to a head. I want it to be over. This seems like the best way for me.

  • plmkrzy
    plmkrzy

    I'm really sorry your having these problems but wouldn't
    it be possible for you and your wife to just leave religion
    out as far as the two of you are concerned? It is poaaible
    to have a good relationship dospite the religious differences.
    I know quite a few who are married whose husbands or wives are
    not JWs and they work out. It seems like such a drastic decission
    maybe after she realizes you are not going to change your mind.
    she will learn to accept it?
    I'm not trying to be a busybee. plm

  • jayhawk1
    jayhawk1

    Dear Watchtower Society,

    I know you look at this site. See what you are really doing to the families that you claim to love.

    Sorry Voltaire, I had to write that. I feel for you, and I hope it all works out for you in the long run.

    Is this a light saber in my pocket or am I just happy to see you?

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

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