Top ten ways to improve this year's Memorial

by JimmyPage 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  JimmyPage

  10. Have the COBOE greet everyone at the door dressed as the Easter Bunny.

  9. Wine for the anointed and beer for the great crowd.

  8. Bland unleavened bread replaced by Hawaiian sweet rolls.

  7. Memorial talk replaced by live local congregation production of "Jesus Christ Superstar".

  6. KH library reserved to commemorate Buddha for those of the "reincarnated class".

  5. No brothers passing the emblems, instead will be single sisters in bikinis.

  4. Inactive ones issued complimentary marijuana joint to help them cope with being dragged back to the Hall again.

  3. Suit and ties forbidden, replaced by t-shirts emblazoned with "Jesus is my homeboy".

  2. Raffle to win copy of "Crisis of Conscience" autographed by the Governing Body.

  1. Guest appearance by Jesus himself, but only in Brooklyn.
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  ballistic

  10. Ability to buzz off speakers X Factor style.

  9. When the music stops, you unwrap the bread and wine one layer at a time.

  8. Also remove one chair and the person left standing is out.

  7. "Drink your drink" rule, if you can't answer the speakers question, you have to gulp the wine.

  6. You can forgo downing the wine by removing an item of clothing.

  5. When you have no clothing left on or have passed out - you are out.

  4. You can play your wild card by shouting "Jesus" at any point.

  3. Top prize includes a Technicolour dream coat of the latter day returned Elvis.

  2. Comparison of different wines, served with cheese, with snooty wine tasting notes read out by speaker.

  1. Any combination of the above.
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  Ding

  How about reading the Bible to figure out what the whole thing is really supposed to be?

  That would be a vast improvement.
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  JimmyPage

  The Memorial as a drinking game... nice!
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  undercover

  The Memorial as a drinking game...

  LOL... Everytime the speaker says, "144,000", "annointed", or "remnant" everyone has to take a shot.

  Now, someone might question, "why not take a shot when the speaker says 'Jesus'?" since the Memorial is supposedly about him. Well, if that were the case, then we'd only get to take two or three shots in the first 5 minutes or so. But by using the words listed above, we're ensured of being staggering blind drunk by the time they pass the wine...
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  WTWizard

  One: They would have to pay me a ton of silver per second of time they waste of mine. That includes time to get ready, time to get there, time to fight my way into the auditorium, time they waste hounding me after, and time they waste dragging their feet getting me back home after. Plus, another ton each time they try to pull me out of my seat or ask a question about why I am not at all the boasting session (the ones doing this would have to come up with the silver). That way, incentives to keep wasted time to a bare minimum and not hound me to do more would be quite obvious, especially when a silver shortage becomes obvious.

  And, no fair hitting me up for that silver when the dollar becomes toilet paper.
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  DesirousOfChange

  Wine for the anointed and beer for the great crowd.

  That's NOT anything new........It's always been that way as long as I can remember.

  It's just that the beer is passed at the restaurant after you leave the KH.

  Usually lots of it.
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  nugget

  10 bring butter and cheese to spread on the bread to help liven it up a bit

  9 put a cocktail umberella in the glass

  8 Catch the speakers eye and give a wink and come hither look.

  7 When everyone is told to take their seats prior to the meeting try to start a Mexican wave.

  6 Come to the meeting wearing a crown and carrying a sceptre as well as a pair of angel wings say to the attendant I've been sent back to see how you guys are doing.

  5 When they start passing the bread and wine pass round brownies and cola when you come across one of the annointed say very loudly "they are not for you. You are here to observe the consumption of brownies.

  4 Pull up in the car park with death metal blasting from the stereo.

  3 Send in actors in smurf costumes to sit in the front row when the first scripture is read they get up and start screaming and run out .

  2 have a huge cake with candles set up in the back of the hall commemorating the number of years since 1914

  1Every time the speaker makes a point say very loudly "are you sure about that?"
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  keyser soze

  People in the audience do shots every time the speaker says the word "anointed".
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  undercover

  um, Keysor...

  You owe me a shot for stealing my post...