i need to vent. : /

lesabre

sooo...... i'll try to make a long story short....

i am one of 9 kids, most out of different marriages. i'm the 3rd to last kid. my oldest brother has a 13 year old daughter with his ex-wife. ex-wife became homeless, and gave the kid over with a handwritten note saying she gives custody over to my brother. for some reason she ends up living with our mom, who lives next door to him.

sooo.... he meets this girl, who is dating his neighbor and "steals" her away from him. he's 38 and she's a year younger than me, 26. so... he let's her move in the day after meeting her along with her 3 kids. she sleeps in all day while he takes care of her kids, when he won't even take care of the 2 he has... so.... they dated for a whole 3 months.... and during this time my brother, girlfriend, her kids and my niece all make trips to another state to visit a 58 or so year old man she calls "daddy" who pays all her bills for her. and the relationship ends when my mom looks out her window one night to see this chick sneaking into the old boyfriend's house in the middle of the night. so this girl moves in with "daddy" in the next state, even though she has kids in the state where she was, who live mostly with their dads.

meanwhile i'm friends with ALL of them on FB.... my niece starts changing her attitude.... started calling the chicks family "her family".... started having MORE of an attitude problem..... so on..... and my brother is looking pitiful whilst trying to get this chick back in his life.

soo.... a couple weeks ago my brother drops a BOMB on my (VERY SICK!!!) mom and tells her that his kid isn't "HAPPY" at her house and wants to live with his ex-girlfriend in another state, and he thinks it will be sooooooo good for her to move in with that chick and her "daddy". and she will be homeschooled because she hates school (and she refuses to read ANYTHING). yeah.... that'll work out. i was homeschooled and self taught and the ONLY way it works is if the kid WANTS to learn. and she doesn't. anyways...... i was so pissed that i personally called him and asked him a ton of questions. NONE of which he answered honestly, if at all. i asked if he did a background check on these people. "yeah, you think i'm stupid??" of course he didn't. he doesn't even have internet out there in the boonies. i asked if he thinks she gets her bills payed for free. no answer. lol. when i asked if he did ANY reading on the psychological profiles of pedophiles or even anything on child psycology. his answer: "you're talking to a redneck here. don't throw in them rich people words" eeew. i was born and raised poor. but i was ALSO raised to make sure i was educated and to ACT like it!!! (he made so many problems as a kid that my mom HAD to give his dad custody of him) he kept saying that he thought about it a lot and "do you think i'm stupid".... kept wanting to say.... YES I DO!!!! he only knew the chick for 3 months and says he knows her and the old man ain't having sex because he has a pacemaker.

anyways..... he supposedly signed the kid over to her. i had to delete the ex GF because she kept saying "my daughter" this and that just to rub it in our faces. :( and now my niece is TERRIBLE to any relative or adult she knew before this chick came along.

it's soooo sad that it makes me sick.

mrsjones5

Sounds too crazy. I'm concerned about the daughter.

tec

I don't even know what to say. I feel your frustration and your worry. Vent away. When you do see and talk to your niece, do your best to set a good example of someone who is NOT terrible to relatives, and who cares about others. Perhaps let her know that you can talk to you anytime she wants, about whatever she wants (and try not to react badly to anything she tells you on the phone or internet - if she calls to talk, that is... instead take a moment or an hour or whatever you need to think and consider, then respond)

Tammy

lesabre

everyone has tried the route of acting like her buddy and "love bombing" her...... but she's really rude to them.... i can't ever help myself. i ALWAYS say things how they are. so i always end up the bad guy. (ask my little sister about what happens when she makes bad choices, and she's an adult!! lol!!) someone wanted to send her stuff and asked for her address, she said "nice try".... there's no way to get her address. someone just simply asks her anything and she gives one word answers.

i don't see how her heathcare would get taken care of....

in the state of oklahoma a 13 year old can tell a judge where they want to live, and they will get custody! just because the kid wants to live there! sooo messed up.

tec

She needs someone outside of that home that she can trust, so that if there is something wrong, she can trust them enough to tell them. Hard to do, I know, but if she's being mean, someone should still maintain an open line with her, so she knows that she can always talk to them, if SHE wants to. She should remember that if she needs to down the road.

Tammy

lesabre

tammy, i totally agree. it's a good thing that a few have just ignored her rude comments and just said that they'd still be there for her. (to which she would give another rude comment. ) but it's just soooo saaadddd!!!

tec

As long as she knows you're there, that might be the most and best thing you can do for her - besides keep talking to her dad about your concerns, even if just once in a while so he can't sweep any concerns or problems under the carpet and ignore them - if there is a problem. When talking to her, it might help to keep in mind that most 13 year old girls are not exactly known for their sweetness and love. Most are better known, I think, for their attitude, at least for a while.

Tammy

lesabre

my brother has always ignored the fact i even exist. even when i was little. he even acts like he doesn't know my name!! he's always done it. all because of jealousy. all my older siblings have acted out towards me in different ways to make my parents feel bad for re-marrying. :( but i will try to be the cool aunt. i offered for her to visit me in seattle, but she said she needed to be with "her family" right now. i told her that it hurt my feelings. she just sassed me for it. we have a recording studio in my house and told her she could meet cool bands, go downtown, all sorts of stuff. she just laughed at me. she's totally not the same kid that, just a couple weeks ago, was excited to come when i give birth. now she could care less. :(

jamiebowers

the old man ain't having sex because he has a pacemaker.

My husband had a pacemaker installed in 2005 and then one in combination with a defibulator last December...neither of the devices have kept him from performing. He is 60 years old. I would be very concerned about your brother's mistaken understanding or deliberate lie regarding this issue.

White Dove

It's a phase.

She's being lured by the dark side of the "family."

Give it time and be there for her when she gets past this phase.

There is no excuse for the way the adults are acting in that family.

She is very naive, gullible, and vulnerable to whatever they may do or act to and around her.

I'd be worried more about the possibility of a pedophile.

If you take anything teenagers say against you personally, it can drive you nuts.

I learned not to do that. They are still kids who don't know any better and are very impulsive.

It's the way it is at that stage of life. They glom onto the adults who are willing to give them what they want.

Don't take any of it personally! It will pass.

What a mess, though:(

i need to vent. : /

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