this was my first time talking to my df'd aunt since i found out the truth about the 'lie'.
i gotta tell you things are really different now. i almost wanted to get on my knees and beg for forgivness for the way she has been treated by my family for so many years but i was at her place of work.
we talked about a lot of things in depth, laughed and had a nice conversation which we never had the opportunity to do before because, even though i wasnt totally shunning her, i would only have short conversations with her about the family and things like that. but it just felt so freeing to look at her and see just another human being. not someone who i have to be afraid of because she left the truth. thats how it always was for me growing up..i didnt shun because it was jw policy and from jah, i did it because i was so afraid that something would happen to me if i talked to my df'd relatives too long. they were made out to be this evil society of people that had secret bad thoughts about us.
i started telling her a little about how hard its been to live with the jw family and how i really need to move out and she gave me some ideas and really understood. i've always liked my aunt and she is a really good person...caring and would do anything for anyone in the family. were not there yet just from this one conversation but i hope we can become closer since i seem to have lost my real mom recently after telling her things i learned about the 'truth'. she also told me about one of my other former aunts (was aunt by marriage but now divorced) that has a child my sons age now and so i plan to hook up with her one day so the kids can play.
anyway, just thought i'd share the experience. i felt really good and thank the Lord for opening my eyes and freeing me from the fear and mental hold that the society had on me.
oh speaking of hypocrisy (oh werent we? LOL) my df'd brothers girlfriend is over here now visiting with their baby girl. its ok with the jw family to spend time with her cause she has a baby that they want to play with and shes never been a witness. but my brother never comes over cause he is df'd and they would make him feel like they make me feel (like a piece of shit). she (his gf) is the sweetest girl in the world though and comes from an hour away every weekend to let the family visit with the baby.
i've been talking to her a little recently and were becoming friends but its slow because there were a lot of bad feelings between my brother and me growing up. were both adults and are ok with each other now, although we dont really know each other (my bro and me) but i feel very guilty about the way i felt towards my brothers growing up because they were 'bad' and did things that were supposedly 'wrong' and i judged them pretty harshly back then. i dont feel that way obviously but a lot of years have gone by and its hard to know how to proceed.
i'm looking forward to getting to know the rest of my family..i'm losing some but there is a whole lot more that i can gain.
flower