What is it with all the men waking up but the wives stay in? Why is it the opposite for me?

by Cadellin 80 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Gayle

  I only hope the younger set of females will see more of a need to be independent and have freedom in their thinking and see the need for their children to have a better life. Females have often had their churches be a social, supportive network. Females are more inclined to want and need a supportive network.

  I felt, though, I was the one as a child and teenager, that I had to be the strong one, the example, for the family and for the other youth in the congregation, and later as a pioneer. Then, on to Bethel and later as an elder's wife, etc. etc. Then, it finally dawned on me,, where was support for me, it wasn't there at all. As a mother, I had to reconsider what burdens on my children were being placed on them and realizing they too would have no support there for their future either. My children and I are all free of JWdom. Their father is still there very alone.
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  no more kool aid

  I agree with Gayle, I too got to thinking about what this life was going to mean for my children. Limited education and life experiences. If I continued to just sit on the fence, my worst fear was one of my kids marrying into the big JW zealot family and just being shut out . Also my husband fit in the social circle better than I did, he could talk to the men about sports or work. I, on the other hand, had absolutely nothing in common with the women in our congregation. NMKA
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  blondie

  My husband pointed out that it is harder for women because of the financial dependency of some on the remaining jw husband and the heavy hand of headship the WTS teaches. Either way it puts a strain on a relationship that is intended to be supportive and caring.
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  Franklin Massey

  Crisis said, Emotion many times overrides logic and that could be why it seems that a woman does not wake up. But I have realized one thing. My wife DOES listen and even thinks about what I have said. She brings up things that I have mentioned and admits that she agrees with some of them and is bothered by things she has observed herself now.

  inbetween said, However, often after some discussions, where I try to help open her eyes, and even if she disagrees on the spot, later on she admits, thinking about it and its bugging her, that the org says this or does that. and sometimes she even surprises me with "independant" thoughts, that even I did not think about. I commend her for that, and we openly discuss doctrine and other things.

  Same here. She is getting comfortable enough to openly express obvious flaws she notices in the doctrine. After some of our more intense discussions, I have learned that she had already come to some conclusions of her own way before I started having doubts. The difference was that she accepted them and carried on. She was able to reconcile the faults under the premise of, "Make the truth your own." For her, making the truth your own means understanding it all in your own unique way. I, on the other hand, had an emotional response to learning the truth about The Truth. I felt cheated and angry.
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  jay88

  FM-She was able to reconcile the faults under the premise of, "Make the truth your own." For her, making the truth your own means understanding it all in your own unique way. I, on the other hand, had an emotional response to learning the truth about The Truth. I felt cheated and angry.

  Everybody has that family member that you don't loan money to, cause you know that you will never get it back.

  >>>>>>

  "Make the Truth your own"= I have cut my loses with WTBTS doctrine, but still uphold WTBTS regime?
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  Cadellin

  Wow--what a great response and what good observations. This has really been helpful to me. I don't buy into the "men think/women feel" thing because I don't think thoughts and emotions operate on such a strict binary and I think men and women are more alike than that old stereotype implies. Still, as much as I hate generalizing, I have to say that the social aspect must be a factor. Not for me, but I can see how it is for other women.

  And, it seems to be true that the revelation of the behind-the-scenes operations of elder bodies and other organizational instruments must work as an eye-opener for men, something women never get to see. I think because women are barred from so much of the organizational workings, they have more trouble moving past the "warm, fuzzy" facade.

  Still, there's more women here that took the first move than I originally thought. Hey--now THAT'S good news!
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  mamalove

  I have been wondering the exact same thing and thought about starting a similar thread a few days ago.

  I have no idea. I bet women are afraid. Afraid it will jeaopardize their families, and their financial security. But many would love to split from the org.
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  Coffee House Girl

  Great observations and great thread- as a woman I could identify with everyone's comments and agree as to why I hung on after my exhusband left....I was so submissive to the authority of men in the cong that I felt stuck and felt that it was impossible to have any alternative when in fact...there was a choice

  and the emotional factor of leaving your family and thinking of the impact of them left me hanging in much longer than I really wanted to

  CHG
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  Joliette

  I'm waking up and I'm a woman.

  I think women hae a tendency to cling to religion more then men do.

  If women started leaving the organization in droves, man, the organization would be in some BIG trouble!

  Arent the majority of the annointed women also?
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  superpunk

  Men are just better at everything.