@wannabefree: Both of my parents are here, my dad isn't a JW, but he never really shows disdain towards them, and anytime I voice my opinion about JW's to him, he makes it seem like I'm just being the norm rebellious teenager. So he's not much help.
Needs help telling my mom that I dont want to be apart of her religion
by LovelyEunie 35 Replies latest jw experiences
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wannabefree
@Lovely ... its time to have a grown-up heart to heart with your dad, not a rebellious youth attitude, let him know how you feel, your concerns, issues with the organization, it isn't the life you want for yourself, get him on your side
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wannabefree
Has your dad ever thought about becoming a witness? Does he go to meetings? If not, ask him about these things. What kind of a life does he want for you? A life that promotes living in expectation of the end every single day, conditional friendships, focusing on preaching, or on some kind of balanced future?
You're 18, perhaps you need to demonstrate to him that you can make good decisions. Maybe he likes how the Witness religion has taught morals and has seen it as a protection. Perhaps he is concerned about you going too far the other way (which is quite common for kid's who rebel from JW religion).
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lisaBObeesa
I moved out as soon as I turned 18 because my parents continued to control every single aspect of my life, including the JW stuff.
I remember well trying to spare my parents' feelings, and how my mom cried when I left, thinking I was going to be destroyed by God at the Big A.
It was very difficult.
And it was very difficult living on my own at 18, especially after living such a sheltered life. Oh I thought I had 'seen the world' with my high school double life, but really, I had no experience with life at all. It was a lot of freedom all at once. I admit I went a little nuts. (Watch out for that if you move out! It's easy to get into trouble!)
And it was really hard money-wise to stay afloat.
If there had been any way that I could have stayed at home and 'played the game' for a few years and gotten through college I would have done it. I wish I could have done it. But in my situation it would have been impossible to stay. My relationship with my parents was a disaster thanks to the Witness stuff.
But I was ok. I didn't get to finish school (I tried), but I survived. If you have to move out you will survive, too.
My advice to you is to try to play the game if you can. If your relationship with you mom is ok outside of the JW thing, I would try to buy myself a bit more time. Try to get through college! That will help you so much. Jumping out of the nest right now is possible, but it will have quite a $cost$ over your lifetime.
Also, if you try to stay, my advice is to not tell your mother that you don't believe in the Watchtower society or Jehovah's Witnesses. Instead, always say you are not sure that God really exists. JWs are really suprisingly ok with this and don't freak out quite as much with that kind of doubt. Just keep things really vague...'I'm not sure God is real' ....'I feel like a hypocrite going out in service when I'm not sure God is real....' 'how can God be real when so many people suffer in the world...it just doesn't make sense..." stuff like that. Leave the Organization out of it.... Of course you will get some preaching from them for a while, but maintain your uncertain stance and eventually they will let you be. As long as you don't question the Watchtower being the one true religion if there IS a God.
Good luck!
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lisaBObeesa
wow. A non-JW dad.
@Lovely ... its time to have a grown-up heart to heart with your dad, not a rebellious youth attitude, let him know how you feel, your concerns, issues with the organization, it isn't the life you want for yourself, get him on your side
yes. that.
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Giordano
Have another talk with your Dad, tell him that the JW's believe god will kill everyone in the world except JW 's even your Dad. Tell him you don't think that is going to happen but if it did you'd prefer to die by his side. Maybe that will get him to think a bit.
Also ask him if he'll promise to protect you if you get injured in an accident and needed blood. Try to get him to see the dangers of the belief.
Talk to him about getting an education so you can get a decent job. That the JW's discourage higher education.
If your Dad will stick up for you cut a compromise with your mom go to special events, promise her you'll postpone any decision and keep an open mind.
There's plenty of good advice in this thread.
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Black Sheep
Don't tell her anything.
Ask questions. Try to ask in such a way that she feels obligated to help you find the answer.
Act offended if she tries to fool you in any way.
Act offended if she applies double standards. If you have ever heard her slag off another religion for a tactic that she is using on you, point it out, preferably as a question. E.g. "Wait on Jehovah!" = How is that any different from a (insert her pet religion for bashing) believing (insert her pet doctrine for bashing) without truly understanding why their church leaders teach that and just trusting that they are serving up the Truth?
If she says something that you know is not correct, ask her to show you the documentation. If she won't, and you know where to find a source that she trusts, or has quoted, that contradicts her, do not read it to her ........ ask her to read it to you and explain it.
Base your questions on current litterature.
e.g. OKM for Feb recommends quoting Isaiah 40:22 as an introduction to peddle the February Awake!
Many are surprised that the Bible says this. [Read Isaiah
40:22.] The article that begins on page 22 answers
the question, Are science and the Bible compatible?"Isaiah 40:22He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. (NIV)
My father's commentary on this scripture set off warning bells in me when I was a kid. I wasn't stupid, I knew that a sphere was not a circle. I knew that it was ludicrous to think that the Hebrews didn't have a word to describe a 3D sphere. I knew that 'canopy' was only a description suitable for a flat earth scenario. Dad was being dishonest, or stupid/whatever, and was expecting me to be the same.
What I didn't know was that Isaiah 22:18 used the word 'ball' and that I could have asked him to read it to me if he tried to get away with telling me the the word for circle (2D) also meant ball (3D). Isaiah 22:18 Without fail he will wrap you up tightly, like a ball for a wide land...
How does the article answer the question raised by Isaiah using a word that descibes a two dimensional object to describe a three dimensional object when there was a word available to correctly describe the earth without any confusion? Plus, why use the words 'canopy' and 'tent' to describe something that covers a ball?
Don't do a lot of talking ........ make her do that. You just concentrate on keeping her honest. Make her feel guilty for every illegitimate trick she tries to pull. If she wants to claim the moral high ground, she has to earn it, not demand it.
Good luck
Chris
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skeeter1
Go & talk with a college or technical school counselor. You need to know how to pay not only for tuition, books, supplies, student health insurance, but also rooms and transportation and jobs in the vicinity of college and in the degree you might be interested in obtaining.
First and foremost, begin your conversation with positive things about the Jehovah's Witnesses. This will get her into an agreeable stage. Do it with your father present, since he isn't a JW and this will put pressure on her to act reasonably.
Perhaps start with, "I appreciate the morality of the Jehovah's Witnesses. They really try to be good people." or "I appreciate the door-to-door work. No other religion does that..." She'll be eating it up, and glowing. (...A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down...)
If you decide to get more education, let your mom know your intentions WITH YOUR DAD PRESENT. If she balks, ask her if Bethel has any college graduates? What about Bethel's many attorneys who defended the civil rights of the Jehovah's Witnesses? What about the doctors who pioneered bloodless medicine? What about the computer people that run Bethel's computerized printing presses? Bethel paid for attorney Shane Brady to attend law school, so college is not a terrible sin. Men are better able to provide for their family, which includes her as she ages (I'm guessing she has no retirement), if they have a degree or trade. Women are less likely to stay in an abusive relationship if they have true, work options.
The October 1, 1968 Awake! should be shared with her AND YOUR DAD. There it talked about college being useless as the End was weeks or months, not years away. Go back and get the other literature that showed the other false predictions of the end of the world (1914, 1925, etc). Remind her that no one knows the hour.
...then end with a positive note about the Jehovah's Witnesses. "I think the Society's literature on college is helpful. Go back and print out the articles from the 90s where the Society was softer on college. Give her AND YOUR DAD a quote from it....and then comment how wonderful for the Society to take a reasoned approach."
Go to college and get a part-time job ASAP. Continue going to the meetings as much as you can. College is 2 or 4 years, and it's easier to go through if you don't have to worry about paying the rent or where your next meal is coming from. A wise general chooses his battlefield.
In the meantime, develop friendships with worldly people and consider renting a home with 4 or 5 other kids if you can do it financially. Nothing worse then having to crawl back to mom. But, since your dad isn't a JW...he might seem to be presently agreeable with your mom only to keep the family peace. Perhaps inside he doesn't agree?
I don't get the feeling that your dad will let your mom throw you out of the home if you are attending college. In fact, if he orders that he will not throw you out of the home.....she, techically, has to submit to him as the head of the household. He has power, but doesn't know it. She has an out, and can tell the elders..."My wordly husband has decried my son can attend college and I must abide by him as he is my husband."
Wouldn't that be beautiful?
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jamiebowers
Your mother is a brainwashed cult member. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be. Focus on doing things to help you become an independent adult like school and working. In the meantime, appeal to your dad's sense of fairness. Tell him that your mom has said you will attend the meetings whether or not you believe in the Watchtower as long as you live under "her" roof. Ask him if he would support your mother in throwing you out if you refused to attend the meetings. After all, it isn't entirely "her" roof that you're living under, is it? You really need to work on him to stand up for you since t is also his home, and you're also his child.
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Black Sheep
If a JW is going to behave like a right prick, they might as well do it with an audience.
Don't talk religion with your Mum unless your Dad is around.