My wife wants to plan an anniversary party but we have different social circles...

by garyneal 32 Replies latest jw friends

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  garyneal

  Perhaps some of you who are unbelieving spouses married to witnesses have had to deal with this at one point of another. This is the first time for me and my wife and it has her concerned. My wife wants to plan an anniversary party for us and she wants to invite everyone that she and I know. However, she has friends from the hall, I have friends at church, she has friends at work, I have friends at work, and we both have mutual friends from other venues (neighbors, daughter's friends parents, etc.). She's not sure what to do.

  At first she implied that my friends (few that I have) at church would treat her friends from the hall with disdain. She expressed an opinion that so many people outside the hall know so little about witnesses that they (worldly people) have a tendency to misjudge them. I told her that I found that the lead pastor at the church is pretty ignorant of witnesses and I doubted that he would have much to say concerning their doctrines (as he knows so little to begin with). I also pointed out that many Christians (myself included for a while) just consider them another sect of Christianity. One of my relatives by marriage even pointed out that as long as they believed in Christ, Jehovah's Witnesses were just as good as any other religion.

  Besides, this party isn't about religion anyhow, so why would anyone treat the witnesses their like lepers? Besides, what about our mutual friends who go to different places of worship than either one of us? What would it turn into then, the debate over what church is the correct one? Those people don't talk about religion too often around us just as we don't talk about religion around them too often. It just isn't that big an issue for most folks in everyday life as it should not be at the party. As far as I am concerned, let's all hang out and have a good time and leave the religions at the door.

  After I said all this, she finally revealed the real truth about her concerns. Witnesses are not suppose to associate with people outside the TRUTH and by her having such a party like this and inviting ALL our friends, she is basically displaying her BAD ASSOCIATIONS to her spiritual friends. *sigh*

  Any similar experiences? How did you all handle situations like this?
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  undercover

  It's these kind of experiences that shows how isolated JWs are. She wants to invite everyone she knows, yet subconsciously knows that JWs and non-JWs don't mix. And the persecution complex lives on as well. She thinks the non-JWs will look disdainfully at the JWs while in actuality, it will be the JWs who will be uncomfortable with all the "worldly" people.

  Good point about the occasion not being about religion. Only JWs attach religious significance to every facet of life, while most people could go to a party and never discuss religion once.

  I wish I had some advice or personal experience that could help but my situation isn't as rigid as yours. My wife has always been social outside the JW circles and as I've faded(and brought her slowly with me) she is no longer in the JW social circles. I've encouraged her to build her social circles outside the JW world and she's been doing so quite easily.

  I'll give your wife this much, she want's an anniversary party and not a get-together. That's some progress...
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  Iamallcool

  let her have it her way this time.
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  sinis

  Simple solution - put everyones name in a hat and draw a set amount, each taking a seperate turn. The "god of good luck" will determine fate :)
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  blondie

  We had family parties all the time with jws and non-jws. They went fine... If non-jws were so lacking in good sense, why call on them, eh?

  Go ahead and ask your friends. As your friends, they will honor you and the event.
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  FlyingHighNow

  This is very simple. Have two parties. I am serious.
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  Iamallcool

  fhn, that is a very good idea!
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  Iamallcool

  garyneal, invite your worldly friends from your workplace to your planned anniversary party. Your wife might resist the idea of your friends from your Church coming to the party. Just my 2 cents.
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  brotherdan

  At first she implied that my friends (few that I have) at church would treat her friends from the hall with disdain.

  How crazy/backwards is that?!? I think it'd be vice versa. There would be the JW whispering (that guy is wearing a cross!) or (that chick has a beard). The suggestion to have 2 parties is interesting. That would allow your wife to see that your friends are normal, nice people (I'm assuming that they are...)

  But there could be a benefit of "mixing". The problem I see with the mixing is that most of her friends may not come if they find out that some "worldlings" are going to be there. But if they DID come, maybe that would give them a chance to see that people of different churches are no less strange than they are. The demons won't come circling around the room. There won't be any attempts to worship a cross. And no one will try to fornicate on the dance floor.
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  Nice_Dream

  We never mix our JW friends with non-JW friends, so I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation. Even as faded JWs, we were invited to a Super Bowl Party with my non-JW friend and her JW family and we declined because we are afraid of being judged by the JW relatives.

  That's great your wife wants a party though. Perhaps you could have a party with the JWs (if you could stand it), and then another with the rest of your friends and mutual friends? I've never been to a witness "gathering" (excluding weddings) that had worldly people mixed in with the JWs...it would cause quite a stir I'd imagine.

  I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'd try to work out a compromise though, or maybe just do something together as a couple.