TD said: Men and women both seem to have unbelievably bad judgement when it comes to each other.
You've got that right. My sister and one of my best friends are in long-term relationships with men who I would categorize as "jerks" and that's being nice. Neither my sister nor my friend knew their mates very long before hooking up with them. The moron my sister is with was some guy she slept with 20 years ago, who never went home, while my friend knew her husband only a few weeks before they got engaged.
Both of these guys have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old boy, both are completely self-centered and selfish, bad tempered when they don't get their own way, and totally irresponsible when it comes to money. They both have very addictive personalities whether it be drugs, booze or trying to befriend other women on the internet. Both my sister and my girlfriend have been brought to bankruptcy twice because their men cannot control their spending habits. When I ask "why on earth do you let them do this?' the sheepish answer is because they have a fit if they can't get their own way and rather than have their men yell and scream like a 5 year old child, they give it to try and keep the peace. The end result is that both are completely broke and never have enough money for the necessities of life, but somehow they always manage to have enough for things like cigarettes.
Both of these guys are emotionally stunted having been raised by totally shit fathers who either had a severe drinking problem or a drug problem and who never taught their sons any sort of responsibility or gave them any sort of guidance or morals. Both were molested by strangers when they were about 13 years of age and neither ever got any counselling or help for it. Instead, they resort to heavy doses of either booze or drugs.
With both couples, things always come to a head where they are given a (supposed) ultimatum: Shape up or ship out. There follows a predictable pattern: They 'shape up' and stop the drinking or drugs, are more affectionate and reasonable----for about 3 or 4 weeks. Both my sister and my girlfriend will estatically claim that their men "have changed" and how their "relationship has never been better". Unfortunately, these men are unable to sustain being "normal" and after about a month they start their bad behaviour all over again until it reaches the breaking point, their women threaten to throw them out, they promise to change, yada, yada, yada.......It's a never-ending cycle that has been going on with both couples for 20 years.
When I ask either of them WTF they stay with these men, I invariably get the teary-eyed answer that "he's got his good points too". These "good points" tend to be a "soft side" or a "good heart" which of course, no one else has ever seen. BFD---everyone's got their "good points too". Adolf Hitler, Heinrich Himmler and Hermann Goring were all big on "Animal Rights" and banned using animals in laboratory tests. Somehow, that doesn't quite balance out their determination to wipe 6 million Jews off the face of the earth.
In truth, it is my opinion that both my sister and my friend stay with these losers for a variety of reasons: they take the path of least resistence because it's easier to stay than to leave; they're financially dependent on these men and rather than get a better education and become self-sufficient, they'd apparently rather do nothing than something; both my sister and girlfriend are extremely needy and hate being single and alone---they would rather be with a selfish jerk who sucks them dry mentally, emotionally and financially rather than to be on their own; both of these women will go to their graves always hoping somehow that he'll change for the better. Neither of them will ever have a pot to piss in, or a window to fire it out of as long as they're with these guys and since neither has any intention of ever leaving, their fate was sealed long ago.
I won't even tell you about the psychopath my brother lived with for 13 years...........
