The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns (page 2)

So many good people here. I am indebted to you guys for helping me through a real rough patch. Sorry I haven't been around much L. Hope things are well.

garyneal, so much of this experience has taught me about control. I, by nature, have always been very controlling. Not of people so much, but that has also been the case, but mostly I try desperately to control my life. The hardest thing about the WT experience was the loss of control over my marriage, my children.... my my my. Must be an EE thing... ... ironically control theory is one of my favorite subjects. Sorry, that was nerd talk.

I ultimately found comfort in my faith. One day my pastor told a story of recieving an advertisement promising to double his flock. His response was to chuckle and think "What if God doesn't want me to double my flock?"

I started to realize how often I would become enraged, flabbergasted trying to control the uncontrollable. I started asking, "What if God doesn't want me to do that?" Or garyneal, "What if God doesn't want me to take that class yet." In my specific case, "What if God doesn't want my wife to leave the WT?" Well you can't fight that one can you? It's not as if God was in heaven saying, "Oh no, CYP's wife joined the WT, where is CYP??? He can fix it!!!" A time for every purpose under heaven, right? Faith means trusting in those purposes, and that God is in control.

I do think my efforts were a factor also... a counter reacting force. Women do operate at a much more sophisticated level. My wife seems to know my thoughts almost before I do at times. Any time I was doing something to "try to get her out" she must have seen me coming a mile away. Every action has an opposite and equal reaction, right?

I think the UBM, once they are over the shock factor, needs to work patiently with their spouse to work out compromises to the multitude of intrusions the WT makes on the marriage. Once the many sore spots are covered, the UBM can comfortabley be available to offer welcome help to their spouse, who is truly bearing the more difficult burden of being a WT member.

Take away? I didn't "get my wife out", I just finally learned to get the hell out of the way.

Check_Your_Premises

Open mind... not many pick up on the Ayn Rand reference. I got over my Ayn Rand phase a long tme ago, but that one always stuck with me. She did write a lot of good stuff.

AK - Jeff

Well hello CYP. We met at a brewhouse once if you recall about 5 years or so back.

Sp glad to hear that your wife has now left Jw's. Hope it is for good. I recall your concern about how to deal with your children in the situation - so her leaving takes care of that I suppose.

Let me ask you this: Did your time here [JWD at the time] assist you in the matter of nudging her out of the organization?

Insomnia can be a good thing. Thanx for checking in.

Jeff

AK - Jeff

Here's the brewpub thread CYP. I can't see the pictures now [don't know if that is my computer or the thread] and that was the best part.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/105785/1/Chicago-Pics

Jeff

Will Power

regarding PMs

apparently you have to hit the back button a few times or refresh or double click. Once it's not bold anymore then its readable.

Check_Your_Premises

"Did your time here [JWD at the time] assist you in the matter of nudging her out of the organization?"

I think it helped me understand the situation, and get up to speed very quickly before I started freaking out. I think initially, the shock of it all tends to cause the unsuspecting ubm to over estimate the threat.

In some ways I think hearing alot of people's worst case scenarios made me more frightened than I needed to be. For example I found out that it is quite common for the wife of a ubm to look for a way out so she can marry a dub. That wasn't the case for me. After awhile I realized that my wife still loved me, and was very dedicated to our marriage.

Nevertheless, the benefits it had on my psyche were invaluable. Just knowing that there were people who understood the org, but weren't dubs, was just invaluable to me. Any situation I brought up, they immediately understood. No civilian ever did. It just all sounded so wierd to them.

JWD did help me get organized in terms of the relevant issues regarding the society. So much of the stuff out there really lives up to the billing that jw give apostate material. hysterical, over-the-top... etc. Spending time here did help me to filter out the crap, and really drill down to the relevant issues and especially the issues relevant to OUR lives.

Eventually I had to spend less time here though because I just couldn't be immersed in a lot of the negativity toward the org and then go be completely cool around all these dubs all the time.

Anyways, so how you doin' Jeff? How's the fam?

The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

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