Choices have Consequences

by AggieNostic 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • AggieNostic

    My wife and kids are inactive/trying to fade - see my previous posts for our story - last meeting for me was over 5 years ago.

    In laws and parents active - FIL and Dad are elders, FIL and MIL are pioneers, Mom just follows Dad's lead.

    Anyway, my wonderful Son is finishing up college and is engaged to be married later in 2011 to a beautiful young woman who we all love dearly and have welcomed to our family. Ceremony to be held in a public space - no denominational identity. When engagement announced, my wife and I's parents reacted positively and assured their attendance.

    However, phone calls a few days after the Elders school over Xmas advised us that they would NOT be attending since our Son - although inactive - is baptized and his fiancee is not a JW. Unevenly yoking and with new info from the school - they cannot attend.

    Needless to say, we are upset. My Wife, Daughter and Son have shed many tears, his fiancee doesn't understand and thinks they hate her etc... I expected this actually and have tried to smooth it over. I likened this whole episode to a box full of pictures of our lives that will just be missing some photos of the wedding - but doesn't mean the other pics are gone...

    I spoke to my parents and told them I wasn't too upset, but the rest of my family is - Mom says she wishes there was another way and that they dearly love us and our soon to be daughter-in-law. My Mom is so upset that she cannot be at her grandson's wedding. My comment to them was that they chose to be JW's and choose to put a religion ahead of family and that choice has consequences.

    You see, so many times we hear from our JW friends and relatives that our leaving is our choice and any separation from family is our fault - well, I will have NONE of that anymore. our JW families CHOOSE to be in that religion. they CHOOSE to put that religion/cult ahead of family - so they are the ones losing out - NOT US! My comments on this was shocking to my parents - they don't get it. They are so blinded that they cannot see things from another point of view - so selfish.

    JWs have no respect for the beliefs (or non beliefs) of others. It is all one sided - their side. I say, we all need to stand up and not be continually degraded, gulted into thinking our leaving is the reason our relationships have been destroyed. Jehovah's Witness are the reason families are hurt, broken up, destroyed. It is they who have chosen.

    My wife says she will not answer her parents or my parents phone calls anymore. Time will tell how long that lasts, but part of me agrees - let them feel the power of shunning. We are shunning them from our lives - we are in control. They choose religion - we choose our family.

    I post this because it is a way to vent and also hear your thoughts on this topic - it helps to find clarity and reason amidst the travesty that follows anyone who is or has been part of this destructive cult.

  • mrsjones5
  • clarity

    AggieNostic hi,

    Just shows how beaten down we were, ...often in some little resesses of our brain, we are still deluded into thinking the situation is all our fault! So nice to wake up.

    Congratulations on the upcoming wedding and ...hold your heads high.


  • DanaBug

    Aggie, do you know it took me 6 years of being df'd to realize that? And I didn't even think of it, someone said it to me. That was only back in April. But no, they won't ever get it. They believe they're right, they're doing what God requires. How do you get around that? I have no idea yet.

    I can't shun my family though. They have to do it, I don't. No one can tell me who to love or how to show that love, I'm in control of that. And if showing that to them makes them uncomfortable or guilty, so be it. Maybe one day they'll realize what they're doing. That's my hope.

  • Retrovirus

    Hi AggieNostic,

    You've clarified something that has been bothering me for ages, yet I never understood it. I'm a non-jw, and over many years have made every effort to keep in touch with my jw ex-SIL, even to "discussing the Bible" with a couple of local jws she sent around without asking me first.

    In all that time and letters (she won't email), I've censored myself to avoid mentions of birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day etc, but she never hestiates to proselytise or to tell about conventions or meetings. And I'm beginning to wonder why I bother.

    If our "friendship" is only to draw me into her religion then it isn't a friendship.

    It does seem to be all "their way" and yes, that has consequences.

    Thanks, and I really hope the wedding is a great day for all who attend. Perhaps if your soon-to-be DIL learns to understand the jw religion better, she'll realise it's not because of her, it's because they choose to keep their blinkers on.


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Over the lat 10 years I was married one daughter was married and the other daughter was married - twice!. My mother was not invited to any of them. Their attitude was that since she has chosen to stay out of their lives there was no reason to invite her to the weddings. i felt the same with my wedding.

    And you know what - we had a good time at all 4 weddings without having to worry about offending a JW. (even though their father who is a JW presented his own issues)

    They won't understand the reverse shunning but hey it isn't out job to explain it to them.

    Enjoy the wedding --- without the hassle

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    good job on the reverse shunning...

    of course, they will reverse the reverse and tell all how you are evil shunning your own family for their religious choices...and how terrible that is yadda yadda... then those people will coo and mmm and make them feel right.

    Can't you just smell the hypocrasy?!


  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    Aggie, you have made some good points. They don't realise they have that choice - to NOT listen to the WTS and retain normal family relations.

    All the best for your son's wedding!

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