Rejected by Immediate Family (page 2)

anewme

I would NOT write any email right now. First envision the life you want for yourself. Envision the relationships you would like with all your family members. If, like me, you wish for a loving relationship with them all, then act in a loving way toward them all. This will pay off down the road, years from now.

What they do with that love is up to them, right?

I decided to leave town after my dfing. Months later I wrote to those I love that I missed them and was sorry for all the pain I created by walking away from the religion. I actually allowed them to encourage me. I even attended the hall for a while in my new town and told them so, but that did not last long as "the bird was out of the cage" so to speak, and was not going back. i write every now and then and once a year I visit secretively. I also got a job locally and a few former JW friends come in and say hi. I also see them at restaurants and we exchange smiles. Some even pat my shoulder upon leaving the restaurant.

So I recommend visualizing a healing over the years and an adjusting. Also I have been immensely helped by this website and making new friends in the world. Understand that your relatives do not want to give up their standing in the JWs just to associate with you. They still love you but cannot associate with you. They miss you and are hurting too. But until they leave the org you will have to understand their restrictions. I recommend being kind and patient with them.

And enjoy your new freedom!

GrandmaJones

I wonder if this has anything to do with either the elders school, which I hear the Co's have really been beating up the elders, or if the Feb 15th Watchtower that had some remarks about treating disfellowshipped ones is playing any part. It seems to be a change from what it was just a short time ago, so I just wonder. I am so sorry about what they are doing to you....

flipper

LORIJIS- I'm so sorry you are dealing with this horrid treatment by your JW family. You don't have to put up with that behavior, yet you don't have to stoop to their level and imitate it either. My JW daughters 23 and 22 have shunned me basically for almost 7 years now. Occasionally they will talk to me, but rarely. But I have continued to sometimes send pictures of their inactive brother and me and my wife to them to show them we are enjoying life ! I also have told and written my daughters " that I'll always be here for you and our door is always open to you ". How can I do this ? Because I realize my daughters are cult mind controlled to act this way towards me with their JW CULT personality not their REAL or AUTHENTIC born personality. So I leave the door open hoping someday they may exit the cult themselves and I'll be here for them.

So I advise you NOT to close the door permanently on your JW family as they may change in time, you just never know. Some of my JW family is hardcore and won't talk to me, but some are NOT hardcore and will socialize with my non-witness wife and myself. So just put your relationship with these hardcore relatives on hold for awhile and DO draw closer to your non-witness relatives as they will give you real, unconditional love and support ! I have drawn closer to non-witness friends I have and some non-witness relatives as well and it has been a GREAT help.

And one more thing- Sabastious recommendation is right on- Please read " Combatting Cult Mind Control " & " Releasing the Bonds - Empowering People to Think for Themselves " . By reading these books it helped me to understand the WHYS and HOWS of what makes my JW relatives act like they do and it helped me to understand why I was the way I was as a JW too. It will really help you . Take care, stay strong , and please know we are with you here in spirit and available if you need friends to talk with ! O.K. ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper

aquagirl

Lori,isnt it strange? And Ill bet that 99% of us on this forum has had almost the EXACT same thing happen.In my case,my sister had always been jealous of me,and now she finally had an excuse to act out on it.In Jehovahs name of course.Sounds like that might be going on w/you bit.Were you the pretty/smart one?Now is her chance to "even the score'.You cant change others ignorance sweetie,just do what makes YOU happy,and remember,"Armageddon is JUST around the corner"! lol

Coffee House Girl

I am in your shoes and understand what you are feeling- I did not DA but just walked away over a year ago, my JW mom carried on our relationship as usual, but since recent pressure from other JW relatives and elders, she told me today that she cannot do things with me any longer- her reasoning to me is "she cannot turn her back on Jehovah". I told her that I respect her decision but I will not turn my back on her and I love her.

You need to keep the door open and show them what they cannot display...UNconditional love- they are restricted by rules and told that the love they display has to be only on their terms- my advice is to be the better person, don't close the door...

I feel your pain too

CHG

leavingwt

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. The same thing happened to me when I left.

aquagirl

Lori,this forum helped me more than I can tell you.Hang out w/us for a bit,youll see that not everyone is on "the other side".I wish you strength and happiness.

Finally-Free

I wouldn't contact them. They need to see there are consequences that come with their decision to shun you. If they do call you, restrict the amount of personal information you give them. They've already shown their willingness to use it against you.

They need to learn that this sort of rejection can work both ways. As long as you chase after them you are giving them control.

W

mamalove

I know how you feel. So many of us do....((HUGS)).

Until they are woken up, they will continue. They are poisoned mentally with the food of the lie. All you can do is continue to be happy and lead a good life. My mom, sister, and aunt and uncle and two cousins shun me completely. It hurts. Bad. One day maybe they will wake up. Hang in there darling!

LisaRose

I don't think it will help you any to lash out at them at this point. Yes, being shunned hurts, but they have been brainwashed to belive that this is the only to "help" you. You have rejected their religion and their way of life and it hurts for them too. If you do write an email, just state that you wish to live your life as you beleive is right, and that you are comfortable with your decision and happy with your life as it is, and that you hope someday they will understand. We have all been in your place and yes, it hurts. Know that it does get better with time. I am glad you are reaching out to your more distant family, as this will help you fill that void left by you immediate family. You will also find that you will meet friends along the way, some who will become as family to you. Treasure these relationships. Maybe someday you family will come around, maybe not. In the meantime, live you life with dignity and love and they will see that leaving the religion does not make you a bad person or ruin your life. As they say "living well is the best revenge"

Rejected by Immediate Family

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