I am writing to my kids. I have found it a good way to reach them with feelings at times and to let them know what is going on without emotions involved.
I have always told my kids that when and if they ever want to know what happened, ie; why i left their mother and the witnesses all they have to do is ask, and that i would be open and honest.
I feel that i am running out of time with them, esp my son who is so busy working, partying and chasing his girl that i don't see him like i used to. So busy that he is not thinking and i am sure he will get baptised sooner than later to be in good with his JW girlfriend, and no asking is forthcoming. I guess its not important to them at the moment.
So i am writing a mini book as it is turning out. My whole life from childhood with all its ups and downs, funny parts and sad ones, and witness parts as well, incorporating many life lessons i have picked up alomg the way.
My delema is how much to tell. On one hand i want to hide nothing. I do not want to portray myself as better than i was as a witness. I got into porn as a teen and strippers at the end. It is not truth to present myself as 'having personal problems' and falling out of love with their mother. As a JW, confessing to strippers was pretty shattering at the time and was responsible for the nuclear war that followed. I left to sort myself out and couldn't go back to her. The reality is they lost their dad to the 'world' and my depressed confused troubled conscience self.
I guess i can gloss over parts, not reveal other parts but that makes me feel like the Watchtower writing department doing the proclaimers book. I am also using it as a vehicle to explain why i left the JWs, how i changed my mind about them being the true religion and why, so i feel ill at ease tearing them up for being dishonest while doing so myself in my literary endeavor.
Anyone grapelled with the same delema?
I am scared of them getting baptised and being forced to shun, and then my chance to tell all will be gone.