Help this girl

by behemot 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • behemot
  • yknot


    Seems like a sweet girl going through a break-up.......

    I have to say reaching out for help is encouraging! She knows she doesn't have to weather this alone! (Smart girl!)

    Here is what I am posting to her:

    Breaking up is hard to do.......

    You are still in the recovery period of this break-up!

    Perhaps take some time and discern the stages of break-up grief!

    (copy/pasted from Erin Wilson's )

    1) Shock & Denial – This period begins with the initial and stunning reality of the breakup. You may feel numb with disbelief. In order to cope with the initial shock of the pain, you may even slip into some level of denial – a natural defense mechanism. This stage can last for weeks.

    2) Pain & Guilt – The period of pain settles in when the shock has subsided. This stage may be one of the more difficult to experience, but is necessary for full healing. Although the pain may at times be unbearable, it is important that you accept it and cope with it in a healthy way. Turning to drugs, alcohol, or other risky behavior can be detrimental to your recovery and personal health. Guilt can also come into play here, as you may feel deep remorse in how you may have contributed to the breakup.

    3) Anger & Bargaining – This is where the overall frustration comes to a head. After you have experienced the pain of your loss, you will begin to look for blame. Depending on your personality style, you may even lash out at your ex or whomever you feel is the cause of your breakup. You must be careful during this time; even though you may feel quite strongly in your anger, it is important to maintain composure and not to hurt those in your war path. Try to keep your thought process as objective as possible. You may also find yourself bargaining, sending out prayers such as, “I will be a better person if you just send him back!” Although this may not deliver another chance at your relationship, it is perfectly natural to want to do whatever is necessary to end your current remorse.

    4) Depression & Loneliness – A period of sad, quite reflection now ensues. Although your friends and family may try to console you or talk you out of this feeling of sadness, it may not be entirely effective. It is necessary and normal to fully experience this stage, and you must take your time with it. This stage may take longer than the others, as you fully feel the magnitude of your loss. Be easy on yourself at this point, and take whatever alone time you need. Feelings of emptiness, despair and loneliness will creep in – be patient, as it will eventually subside.

    5) The Upward Turn – Now you begin with the more positive side of the healing process. As you begin to adjust to life without your significant other, you will feel a bit of relief from the sadness and pain. The depression may still linger, but only slightly. You begin to develop a daily routine that does not include your partner, and your life returns to some semblance of normalcy.

    6) Reconstruction –Once you have begun a more functional existence, you will begin to reconstruct your life and focus more on rebuilding your internal structure. In the process, it is important to work towards goals of redefining & bettering yourself in the wake of your loss. This may include joining a gym, going back to school, taking a new job or tackling your financial situation. Take this opportunity to find the person you were before this relationship, while integrating the lessons you have learned from the breakup - all in a positive, constructive way.

    7) Acceptance & Hope – Reality has sunk in, and the breakup is now part of your history. Although you may have accepted the ending of your relationship, it does not mean you will be instantly happy. It is normal to still feel the sadness of your loss, but you now have a more positive and peaceful perspective. Hope begins to rise, knowing that tomorrow is a new day and you can survive just fine without your ex-love.

    I wish there was a magic pill I could give you to make it all go away but there is some valuable points in learning to cope with these things and figure out what the relationship in retrospect has taught you.

    As a born-in JW of 37 years I can tell you honestly that we have more women(60%) then men(40%)**...... yes there are some 'great guys' but you also have a lot of competition! Being single for YEARS and YEARS is quite common. JW men are like 'worldly' in that they are attracted by physical appearances first so do yourself a favor and don't slouch on fitness (well it also helps to boost your seratonin levels to which is a 'happy feel good mood chemical' in your brain'.)

    ** See 'Pew Report',mentioned in the Feb 2009 Awake!

    If you want to talk some more I can be found on (you will have to register to send 'Private Messages(PMs)' but sometimes it helps to have someone to talk you through these things!

    In fact someone there posted a thread about your need !

    Love, Huggles and Prayers!

  • yknot

    If posters don't wanna comment directly to her on that forum maybe at least comment here so she can read them if she clicks on the thread link!!!

  • 3dogs1husband

    as allways ROCK! I hope she comes here!


  • Soldier77

    Yknot you sneaky she-devil you!

  • zombie dub
    zombie dub

    might be too late for her, seems like she's brainwashed already, if she's that down she'll probably get baptised anyway just for acceptance from the people around her

  • wannabefree

    Yknot - did you post to that site already? I don't see it.

  • Soldier77

    "You must be logged in to leave a comment."

    Crap, I'm not signing up just to post links to jwfacts and freeminds.

  • yknot

    says....: Your comment is awaiting moderation.


  • scary21
    Alot of JW are scared of the deamons so bad that if you have even a little mental problem it can put you over the edge . You better look like a movie star to get a ugly JW to marry you. Keep your options open, there's alot of great guys in the world. The pain will pass.

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