Just need to get some things off my chest.

by Alan_56 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  Alan_56

  Well, its been a while since I last posted Just need to get something off my chest. Well here it goes! Everything seems to be coming down on me all at once like rain. Next month i'll be 18 years old(yay!) ^_^ but lately I've been worried about my future relationship with my family, and how i'm going to break it to them telling them I no longer want to be one of Jehovah's witnesses. Sometime's I feel like most "worldy" kids I go to school with have it so easy growing up. They don't have to worry about losing their entire family and friends just because they want to do something else with their life. I really wish I had that... I really wish I had a normal family, with normal goals. But wishes NEVER come true, its just a coincidence if it does.....I'm so worried about the near future because I probably wont have my family's love and support anymore after I leave the org...Chances are, I'm probably gonna have to do everything on my own and I really don't know what I'm doing. :/

  I hope that made since..
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  BabaYaga

  It made perfect sense, Alan.

  Congratulations and HAPPY (upcoming) birthday!!

  Don't do anything rash, and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Keep reading, keep posting... you are at a huge crossroads of your life, and the possibility of "losing your religion" makes it even a bit more complicated.

  Breathe deep, relax. You'd be surprised how things have a way of working themselves out. That which might fall by the wayside, take slow and easy.

  By the way... I think that all teens wish they had a "normal" family. If you find a normal family, let me know. (I'm just attempting to add a little levity to the situation... believe me... I know what it is like to go to school as a good lil' JW, and it is anything but easy!!!)

  Hang in there... and know this... it gets better, and it gets easier. Do your best to get excited about all of your possibilities right now. Enjoy!

  Love,
  Baba.
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  BabaYaga

  By the way... I forgot to add... one of the greatest ways to "fade" off of the organizational map is to transfer to another congregation when you go away to college... then... don't attend very many meetings. The new congregation doesn't know you and your absence doesn't raise any red flags. Then...

  Welcome to the rest of your life!!!
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  The_Present_Truth

  Alan, welcome to the Forum. Man to be 18 again. That would be awesome. If I could rewind back to 18 or go visit myself in a time machine, I'd tell myself what the REAL scoop is on the Witnesses and what they believe. Then I'd tell myself that I should run as fast as I can away from that religion at all costs.

  I don't know you Alan, but you knowing that you don't want to be in the Organization already puts you ahead of me when I was that age. I was already in business for myself at 18 but if I weren't and didn't have resources of my own saved, or inheritance put aside, etc ... I'd probably consider joing the military in some capacity to get my college paid for or maybe the Peace Corps to have a bit of a safety net under me for the basics of life - plus get some life experience and structure not related to the Organization. Otherwise, I believe the States of Texas and Alaska will pay for a person's ride for engineering school if you're willing to work for the State for "x" number of years. They even help you buy your house in the State, etc.

  Are you still in High School where you could maybe talk to a guidance counselor about these programs or others and maybe confidentially about the challenge facing you? Do you have a job yet of any kind?

  Timing is everything. Keep the timing on your terms. Prepare yourself. Save up money so you don't need to go back to family and ask for help. Prior to telling your family that it's your desire to leave the organization write it down in letter form explaining the reasons. Do the research so they can see it's well thought out and not just an emotional reaction to one specific thing. Have you read "Captives of a Concept" yet? Or "Crisis of Conscience"? Or "Combatting Cult Mind Control"? Those will help you if you haven't read them. I would personally start with "Captives of a Concept".

  We'll be around if you need help. You're coming in to the prime of your life. I would love to have those years back that I wasted with the Organization. Be true to yourself. Follow your dreams. That's not to say you should rush into things. You'll find that what's important to you at 18 will be different by 21, then 25, then 30, and so on.

  I hope you'll check in and keep us posted on your progress.
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  DanaBug

  Maybe you don't have to tell them...if they pressuring you to get baptized, tell them Jesus waited till he was 30, it's an important life decision with serious consequences if you mess up, and you're just not ready yet.

  And yeah, non-JW kids have it easier in a lot of ways. But you have experiences they've never had, so you learn things about life they may never learn. And if you're planning on leaving, prepare for it. I can't stress that enough. There are so many things I wish I'd done differently. Save up some money, build up your credit, apply for college, make genuine friends outside the organization. Plan now to make things easier later.

  And losing your family is...well, it sucks. Big hairy ones. But it's not your fault. It's the religion. You will survive it, so many of us here have. And you get to make your own life, you get to love people for who they are, not their status as a witness. You get to do what makes you happy.
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  crazyblondeb

  I trying to get ahold of a friend of mine, that is ur age, and going thru this!
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  Black Sheep

  It makes sense.

  I was where you are, but I drifted off unbaptised and unshunned. It sounds like you don't have that luxury.

  If you want to take the time to learn how to play their game, you could possibly take them out with you, but it's not easy and mistakes will have them jamming their fingers in their ears and chanting.

  The first advice I would give you is not to break it to them. Once they see you wearing that apostate hat they are very frightened little bunnies. If you have a chance to talk to them about your doubts, it is that period between you working out that it is a cult and them working out that you have worked out it is a cult. Extend it as long as possible. I have burned my bridges and they will never trust me again, but If I had my time over again, I would be the last one out. Going first was my biggest mistake.

  Welcome to our nightmare Alan

  Chris
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  new light

  Good for you knowing the truth at a young age. Are you baptized? If not, you can probably "drift away" and at least have an OK relationship with your parents. If you did get dunked, things are trickier, as I am sure you know.

  It sounds like you have your head on straight, and you know the road ahead will have difficulties. I would avoid saying anything about not wanting to be a witness, as this forces your family to play hardball or lose face. Do what you need to do regarding your own life and future with confidence, but act ambiguous about the religion. Don't give anyone a reason to shun you. There is no need to lose your family to their ridiculous set of "values". Good luck, sir. This forum is here for you.
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  life is to short

  I agree about not telling them. It is hard I know. The pressure to get baptized is huge in the hall I was in. If a kid is not baptized at 18 then everyone hounds them.

  Just ride it out as best as you can try to go to college somehow as quick as you can, once you do that your family if they are die hards will flip but at least you will have an out at that point.

  My best wishes for you, the road ahead will not be easy but you are young and you have your life in front of you. You have a great head start on most of us on this board by understanding this is a cult so young.

  LITS