How was dating as Jehovah Witness?

by Pitchess Co-Gen 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Pitchess Co-Gen
    Pitchess Co-Gen

    Looking back I'm glad I didn't marry my ex.

  • cheerios

    it was dreadful, completely and utterly dreadful. what is worse is that the "rules" force people to marry incompatible people, largely due to dating-inexperience. perhaps if dating was more liberal, there wouldnt be so many JW train-wreck marriages. but alas, it isnt to be. im sure that the Gibbering Buddy wants to put back arranged marriages at some point

  • bohm

    Really good, we are still together!

  • St George of England
    St George of England

    Ignored all the rules about chaperones etc, even went on holiday together albeit to a DC.

    Still happily married after 40+ years


  • JRK

    If I knew then what I know now . . . I would have been an even worse bad boy!


  • DagothUr

    I was allowed a lot of freedom concerning dating, in my ex-district. I knew many elders, many of them worked for my family at least once, I have a steady financial situation, I was MS material...I can't complain...Everyone was trying to introduce me to the ladies. And I was happy to oblige.

  • Nickolas

    I will put forward only one important benefit from being married to a Jehovah's Witness for almost 33 years. There has never been a question of fidelity.

  • miseryloveselders

    The worst is dating nonJWs, trying to live a double life. During high school, and for a time as a young adult, I had some hook-ups, and dated outside Da Troof. It's tough trying to concentrate on enjoying your time with a woman, when in the back of your mind all you can think of, "is please don't let me get seen, Puuuhhhleeeese!!!!" One incident, I was in field service with a half dozen or so other JWs, and we took a lunch break at Wendy's. We sit down to grub, and who do I see sitting across from me? A worldy girl I hung out with a couple months before. I couldn't act like I didn't know her, but I couldn't act like I knew her all too well either! So she waived, and The Friends noticed. So I politely excused myself and ate my lunch with her. Later they asked me what hall she went to. I told them she wasn't a JW, but someone I went to school with who I hadn't seen in a while. Then we went and did RVs. The whole time I'm thinking to myself, "boy was that close." She was wrapping up her Master's Degree the last I heard. She reminded me of Sharon Leal, who is a beautiful woman.

    Another instance I was doing door to door in the summertime, and I knew a gal lived in this neighborhood but I couldn't remember where. She was gorgous, I mean beautiful. Half Columbian, quarter Italian/quarter Irish. She was a head turner, and very down to earth. We linked up a couple times. Had it not been for this crazy wacked out religion, I would have put a ring on her finger. She's the type of gal you'd lay your life on the line for. It would be honorable to lose your life while trying to protect hers. Very down to earth, very spontaneious, street smart, street savvy, very intelligent, very genuine, just a very wonderful gal. Part of the reason I didn't pursue anything with her was she was getting ready to go away for college, that and the JW thing. Anyways, walking down the street with an older brother, who do I see all the way atop some steps? Again, I told the brother to excuse me, I know her personally, and I have some work related matters to ask her about and that I'll catch up with the rest of the group later. The fact that it was hot outside, and I talked to her outside on the porch made it possible to downplay any suspicions The Friends might have had. Crazy!! Situations like that are why I stopped doing the double life thing, and took the JW thing all too seriously. It was just too stressful trying to live both lives like that. I had several situations like that.

    As far as dating other JWs, there's no way in the world I'm letting someone chaperone me. I'm a grown man, and I don't need anyone watching me. The one thing I hate when it comes to dating JWs, is its a very small world in this religion. News spreads fast, and I'm a very private, reserved person. I don't like people knowing my business. JWs don't need to know what I do for a living, heck I'd be happy if none of them knew my name.

  • Nickolas

    I hear several tones in your post, MLE. There's a little nostalgia but regret is more prominent. Sounds to me that wordly girl might have taken you to bed but for your own reserved nature. My theory is that the adventuresome lives of young adult Jehovah's witnesses are taken away from them for all time.

  • miseryloveselders

    I hear several tones in your post, MLE. There's a little nostalgia but regret is more prominent. Sounds to me that wordly girl might have taken you to bed but for your own reserved nature. My theory is that the adventuresome lives of young adult Jehovah's witnesses are taken away from them for all time.

    You read me all too well Nick, all too well. Sometimes I wish life could be like a Vodka commercial, but it doesn't work like that. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but quite a few made themselves available to me. The moral hangup prevented me from the sexual side of it all, and the religious hangup prevented me from doing whats natural, that being dating and getting married, having a couple crumbsnatchers. Now that I'm going apostate, and am in my early thirties, I'm thinking I missed out on quite a lot. Being dedicated to an organization is not a healthy way to live one's life. Everything that's natural is viewed negatively, including the theme of this thread, dating. Somedays it aint fair, life should be more like Vodka commercials, but life is more like that Simply Red song from way back. Can't recall the name of that song LOL.

  • Nickolas

    Holding back the years. The title is Holding back the years.

    You still have time if you are only in your early 30's. Go for it.

    by the way, Life is a vodka commercial.

  • lesabre

    the only guy i ever dated is my hubby. and he was a "dirty worldly boy". we followed all the rules, even better than anyone else. but everyone STILL treated me like CRAP. got accused of getting knocked up before i got married. (they didn't accuse me till after i was married) my hubby went with me to my JC. it was all the worst thing i've ever experienced. that was the thing that made me leave. moved across country. out for good.

    he also got treated like crap by his own friends. even his best friend. because i wasn't a trinitarian and it was too fast. they kicked him out of his band because they thought we'd end up popping out kids, and he would miss practice because of me. lol. all of that just made us SOLID. :) now, all his friends are married. his best friend has a kid. (i dunno about the JW kids.) they all did things how they thought were the "right way", and WE are better off than them! lol. i LOVE it when their wives act totally mean to them in front of everyone, and me and my hubby end up looking absolutely PERFECT.... cause we ARE. ;) it's my silent revenge. haha.

  • Lore

    MY sister wants to get married soon.

    Well since there are no suitable brothers in our hall my family has been visiting other congregations in the area hoping she'll find some single brother and they'll fall in love during the 10 minutes before and after the meeting.

    Turns out there's rarely a single brother there at all.

    But hypothetically if she finds someone what are they supposed to do?

    Well she can start going to his hall, and they can get to know each other in 15 minute time periods before and after each meeting. The can both answer questions and get to know each other by the the way they reword the watchtower answers.

    If it gets more serious they can start going out in field service together.

    And when they are right on the verge of getting married they can start sitting beside each other at the meetings.

    Then get married and be alone with each other for the first time ever. Realize they know NOTHING about each other and be miserable for the rest of their lives.

  • Nickolas


  • serenitynow!

    Lore, do people really observe those kind of dating rules? I know I didn't. I never did a chaperone thing when I was dating one brother. I had a friend whose mom was trying to make sure nothing was going on, one time dropped in unexpectedly when my b/f was at my apartment. She rang the buzzer and I was like, "you've got to go." She was on her way up the front door, I put him out the back door. I was in my early 20s at the time. When she got up to my apartment, she lectured me that I shouldn't have unchaperoned visits with men. I acted like I didn't know what she was talking about.

    When I lived with extended family, my elder uncle who was very protective probably ruined alot of dating opportunities for me. A brother in our hall asked me out. He was totally not my type, shy, maybe a little slow. He was not someone I considered manly, and I was surprised that he even approached me. I went home and told my aunt about it, we laughed and I thought that was the end of it. Next thing I know, the brother wouldn't even speak to me at the hall. Turns out my uncle confronted him and scared him to death. He said there had been a recent JC with a young sister in my hall and he was trying to protect me.

    Anyway, the point is, JW dating sucks,

  • ranmac

    As a young witness, dating was horrible. Looking back its truly disturbing how obsessed the elders were with wether or not me and my girlfriend were touching each other. Always wanting details and publicly humiliating us at times about it, and we werent even baptized. One elder actually advised me to get married even tho I was super young, in college and had no job. He said I could rely on my parents and welfare!!!! I shudder to think about my life if I had followed that advice.

  • Nickolas

    For you born-in guys, when I was growing up all the girls were looking for adventure. Just so you know what you missed ...

    and I'm talking about 40 years ago.

  • wasblind

    well, I grew up as a worldy teen in the 70's,

    the only restrictions I had was a curfew and I couldn't

    date guys who had vans, yea right, as if I couldn't

    get into any mischief in the back seat of a four door

  • Honesty

    How was dating as Jehovah Witness?

    Very secretive.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Make a phone call? You're dating. Write a letter? You're dating. Say hello? You're dating. According to the congregation I played fast and hard with the feelings of many woman by saying hello. I guess if you're married "hello" isn't infidelity but if you're single its fornication. Give me a break, fools.

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