Mental torture

stuckinamovement

It is pretty interesting to see the mental, emotional and physical impact that people have when realize the teachings of the org are lies. I am not going to name any names or point fingers but I can say I have tremendous empathy for those who are recently aware.

Let me splane,

Now that I know about the lies that I have been taught and subsequently taught people myself, I have become like a lost person. I am constantly angry, cannot sleep at night, am critical and extremely negative. I can hardly live with myself. I don't know how anyone can stand to be around me. I have resorted to drinking heavily in an effort to silence my brain. I take sleeping pills on occasion to allow me to get some rest.

It is a vicious cycle, because the more you self medicate, the more guilt you feel about the methods you use to cope compounded with the increasing realization of your gullible stupidity, and how much of your life you have wasted. Oh yeah, don't forget that you are one of "the happiest people on earth!"

In short, once you find out that everything you have believed, lived for and sacrificed so much for is false, it is torture.

Much love to the others of you in the same place.

SIAM

Stealth

Until you move past the anger and how to cope, the WT cult is still controlling you. Don't give them that.

You can't change what is in the past, so keep moving forward and appriciate the fact that this cult did not control you for your entire life. You got out, many do not! That is something to be happy about!

I found that once I spent the needed time to de-program myself from the borg, spending less time at ex-jw sites helped for me to reduce the emotional effects.

Ding

The problem with cults is that everything they teach is centered on their organization or leader or guru.

Once they're exposed as frauds, the whole house of cards falls.

It becomes very difficult for former followers to figure out who or what to trust and whether ANYTHING the cult taught was true.

sabastious

Now that I know about the lies that I have been taught and subsequently taught people myself, I have become like a lost person. I am constantly angry, cannot sleep at night, am critical and extremely negative. I can hardly live with myself.

Your experience accurately describes, almost to a tee, the transition out of the Organization. It will be a rough one. Brace yourself and get ready for an awakening equally positive as your experience is currently negative.

-Sab

undercover

I'm not sure of your situation so I'm not sure if you're able to distance yourself from the JW world and find a new life, so to speak, or if you're having to tip-toe through the minefield of JWism for the time being.

You are correct...it is mental torture to a degree. You try to process all this new information that you've recently learned and at the same time you wonder if you're still right...because the indoctrination is still there. It takes time to break completely free from the control that was there. And it's much harder if you're having to pretend to some degree because of family.

But it does get better. Over time...and it does take some time...you start to figure things out and you get to a place where your compfortable with what you know and who you are. You may still have to juggle some things as you strive to keep family relationships intact.

This may sound like a throwaway statement, but I speak from experience... it might help to see a therapist. Or at least a non-JW friend who understands to some degree the reality of how dangerous some religions can be. Someone who will listen and offer some real world experience or advice.

Early on I experienced it as a three steps forward, one step...sometimes two steps...back kinda thing. But even then, I was still moving forward. And that's the focus...keep moving forward.

Good luck and keep sharing your thoughts. It helps to voice them...

poppers

There is no controlling of thoughts so there is no point in trying to get rid of them, but you can stop believing them, and you can learn to forgive yourself for feeling duped by others. Just as an exercise, sit down for 15 minutes with eyes closed and observe thoughts as they arise. With each new thought that comes simply take an attitude that they are only thoughts. In other words, let all thoughts come and go; there is no need to believe any of them. Just as you can observe boats from the shore as they go down the river there can be the observing of thoughts coming and going. As you do this you will eventually have an insight: "I" must be something that lies outside of thinking; "I" must be something that "sees" these thoughts come and go. Then simply rest as that which sees those thoughts.

It's the same with whatever you are feeling - there is no need to deny what is felt, but at the same time you don't have to hang on to the feeling by dwelling on any associated thoughts attached to those feelings. Simply feel what is present without labeling it or judging yourself for having those feelings and the energy of those feelings will eventually dissolve, and once it does you will feel much more free and more expansive. There is great peace and serenity in this exercise, so try it for a few days and see what happens, but never become discouraged for any perceived failure in it. It may take a while to get the hang of it, so don't give up. Eventually you'll be able to do this with eyes open - letting everything come and go as "You" observe it non-judgmentally.

Lozhasleft

Siam - You are so so right....it really is the torture you describe. It does ease though, with time....Hugs.

Loz x

nelly136

what loz said, it takes time but it does ease

Giordano

When I stopped being a JW in the late 1960's I went to a trade school and part of the course took place in a large photographic darkroom that had in turn different rooms for developing and printing. There were no doors so students couldn't run into them in the dark. There were all kinds of twists and turns. So each day I'm working there I hear this voice whispering "Jehovah" or "Jehovah's Witness" and then indistinct muttering. So it was creeping me out. It was so subtle I wasn't sure if I was hearing it in my mind (there was running water in the sinks and people walking around), or if it was being spoken aloud. By the third day I'm sneaking around trying to find out if I'm losing my mind or not. I was still making adjustments at that time. Finally I figured it out when in a lighted room I saw two students with their heads together I eased over and sure enough one was witnessing to the other. After that I just tuned it out and started working on getting a sense of humor back.

milola

You know I hate to say this, but with exception of those who have been physically harmed by the organization, why can't you just except that it is just another religion? They spew crap just like the rest of them. so it's ok if you used to proclaim it as the truth, you used to believe it to be true so it's OK! Then again I guess I have to except those who are being shunned by their family, too. I am fortunate that my parents don't. As for the firends lost, bah hum bug....they weren't friends. Make new ones.

Mental torture

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