Silent Lambs

by VioletAnai 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • VioletAnai
    VioletAnai

    Here I was thinking I was the only one with a dirty past. The elders didn't understand why I had a drinking problem. Thought it must of been fornication and well, the sister I was studying with thought I had to have been my brother-in-law cause I was drinking with him. I walked out on the truth. Just started going again. Could you imagine the elders reaction if I told them a jw had molested me at 6. By the other stories I'm glad I never told my shame.

    Good to see so many of you have a close knit association here.

    Anyone who has suffered the injustice of a cruel, perverted childhood, is my true brother and sister. Oh, and any who've been abused, physically, sexually, emotionally, corporately, doctrinely....I'm on your side too.

    Take care and love to all.
    Violet.

  • Patriot
    Patriot

    Welcome VA,

    I'm very sorry to hear about your past. It really disturbs me to keep hearing more and more of these cases surface.

    I have 2 questions for you: What led you to start going back to the meetings? and why do you still call it the "truth"?

    Mav.-

  • anewperson
    anewperson

    Hi, Violet, and thanks for the post. In the following list 'some' (definitely only a tiny tip of the iceberg) of the congregations where pedophilia/molestation/incest have been covered up per Watchtower policy are noted with * Who knows, your state or congregation might even already be in the list. For some of the incidents in other nations (also still being compiled) you and other readers can see those located at:

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/post.asp?id=249876&method=reply&site=3

    My contact email for readers is [email protected]
    ------------

    COMMENTS ON JW CONGREGATIONS COMPILED TO JANUARY 24, 2002:

    ALASKA: Special Comment: Several persons in and outside Alaska have commented that there is too much class (rich-versus-poor) consciousness. ARIZONA: Shea Heights in Scottsdale: favoritism etc Tempe -- Wickenburg: infighting,jealousy, self-rightousness Tuscon -- , Andrew James Burns bled to death 8-29-98 at St Mary's Hospital CALIFORNIA: Tony Mendez died 6-6-95 at Arroyo Grande Community Hopsital after refusing blood transfusions + Anaheim: Rosario Rios Villagomez (51, husband Freddy) died after refusing a blood transfusion at Martin Luther King Hospital in early 1999 and a Watchtower representative blamed her gallstones instead of the bleeding+ Chino Hills & Chino North: many hypocrite pioneer "elderettes," gossiping, greed, nepotism, cliques Downey: Gary L Kreider (in late 40s) hanged himself 12-96 Fresno: Lenae Martinez (12) died 9-22-93 at Valley Children's Hospital agreeing with her parents in refusing blood transfusion Gridley: egotism, nepotism, judgmentalism, pedophilia* Oceanside - San Diego: Mira Mesa extreme nepotism separated out Santa Barbara North, South, & San Roque: soap opera-like intermarriage intrigues Santa Cruz North; -- also in Santa Barbara at Cottage Hospital Frank Blanchet (49) bled to death 5-20-98 from abdominal gunshot wound after refusing transfusions+ Stockton: John Alson (47) died August 1992 at San Joaquin General Hospital after refusing blood transfusion + Special Comment: This state probably has the most or greatest percentage of JW's in the United States. One comment (no proof) has been that two main leaders among ex-JWs groups in California are actually pro-Watchtower moles which is why activities there are kept relatively quiet. On the other hand, anti-cult internet work by Randall Watters (freeminds.org) has been especially intensive and effective

    CONNECTICUTT: Danielson -- North Stonington -- Putnam -- FLORIDA: Rio Grande in Tampa (nice, loving) Special Comment: several of the larger JW congregations in Florida are said to have problems of gross misleadership. One hall in the middle of the state may have seceded in the 1980s ILLINOIS: Addison (favoritism, unwanted sexual advances) Canterbury in Markham: favoritism, snobbery Glen Ellen: fast-talking, backstabbing, Wicker Park in Chicago --, Congregation & area in Chicago: 2 females both bled to death giving birth late 1997 INDIANA: Kokomo: Walter Swisher (37) died 5-6-94 at home + Richmond (incompetence) KENTUCKY: Draffensville close to Paducah (pedophilia, harassment) * Special Comment: home to excellent anti-child molestation work by Bill Bowen who resides near Paducah; see his www.silentlambs.org website. MAINE: Augusta (pedophilia, Larry Baker convicted) * MASSACHUSETTS: Cambridge: lording it, arrogance East Southbridge: nepotism Oxford Congregation Sharon -- Worcester South -- Worcester North -- MICHIGAN: Detroit: Kevin Rattenbury (14) was injured by a car hitting his moped 8-6-91 & died after his parents George & Betty of Chesterfield Township refused an emergency blood transfusion at Mt. Clemens General Hospital + MISSISSIPPI: Natchez: Barbara Clay (78) died 11-6-97 of heart failure after refusing transfusion + MISSOURI: Cabool: pedophilia * Cameron: molestation/incest* Hannibal: greed, arrogance Richmond: pedophilia, Tim Gardner convicted & in Moberly maximum security * Sikeston: severe nepotism, greed Springfield area congregations: some very cold & greedy Special Comment: In the 1980s some elders donned sacks and protested outside a convention site. Some comments are that the many congregations have clear indications of cult spying, both visual and electronic NEVADA: near Yerington pedophilia - Daniel Stevens Fitzwater convicted *

    NEW HAMPSHIRE: Hollis: pedophilia, Gregory Blackstock convicted * Wilton: pedophilia, Paul Berry convicted * Special Comment: Indications are that there may be additional lawsuits in and around the state of New Hampshire. Fundamentalists have also been more active here. NEW JERSEY: Bradly Beach: harboring molestor & shunning victim, nepotism Hawthorne: pedophilia * Hackensack: pedophilia * Hatboro on route 263 in Warminster: spying, coverups of affairs, nepotism Jackson: pedophilia/statutory rape incident * Nottingham: paranoia, harassment Pemberton/Browns Mills: greed Ramapo: pedophilia * Paterson: ignoring incest NEW MEXICO: Special Comment: This state may have one of the largest concentrations of Hispanic JWs. Therefore anti-cult work here needs to involve more usage of Spanish-language materials.

    NEW YORK: Special Comment: This is of course the home of the Watchtower Society. More effective work needs done here. The Watchtower Society appears to have pretend ex-JWs who pretend to be mental cases doing much of the anti-Watchtower "anti-cult" work here to discourage more effect real anti-cult activity in and around its Bethel headquarters complex NORTH CAROLINA: Millbrook in Raleigh: class snobbery OHIO: Medina: insensitive verbal abuses Wellsville: registered with Stratton village for door-to-door sales then sued it Wadsworth OKLAHOMA: Tulsa: on 5-8-99 to save a newborn's life Hillcrest Medical Center had to go to court to save a newborn's life via blood transfusion while the parents, grandmother Marcella Buckland and JW Hospital Liason Committe person Matthew Suddock spoke against it OREGON: Eagle Point: business improprieties, dishonesty Rogue River, (business improprieties, dishonesty Shady Cove business improprieties, dishonesty PENNSYLVANIA: Hatboro --, Lansdale: molesters,* gossiping, abuse of power, favoritism Oreland just north of Philadelphia: fierce loyalty to Brooklyn, lying, gossiping, cliquish, arrogance, mishndling incest*, power hunger SOUTH CAROLINA: Andrews, gossiping, snobbery, mean-spirited, molestation, sex scandals Charleston (all 10 halls), Laurens: sex scandals, favortism SOUTH DAKOTA: Rapid City one the "coldest" ever, harshness, only poor pioneers became elders

    TEXAS: Brady: gross incompetence San Antonio (poorer black-white-hispanic very loving Irving: on or about 12/06/96 Diego and Tanya Hernandez refused to allow surgeons at Children's Mercy Hospital to perform coorective heart surgery as it would include a blood transfusion in order to save the life of their week old daughter Valerie Marie - fate unknown Special comment: Many JW congregations in Texas (mostly middle-class up) appear to have a severe lack of love. Bonham, Texas, had a hall that seceded in the 1980s. Much anti-cult work is based in and done in Texas UTAH: 2 in the Ogden area: pedophilia with convictions** VIRGINIA: Petersburg (some drunkenness) Virginia Beach (very welcoming) WASHINGTON: Fall City, Washington State: unloving, cliques, anti-college, gossiping, greed North and South Lynnwood: gossiping, backstabbing Port Townsend: snobbery and overlording, greed Othello Washington Spanish: pedophilia, Manuel Beliz convicted & imprisoned at Walla Walla * Seattle Central: cold to outsiders) W VIRGINIA: East, South and West. corruption, child abuse,* favoritism, selfish Elk Valley of North Charleston: nepotism, pedophilia * Beckley Southglen: child abuse New River: child abuse,* Fidelity Group Inc insurance scam

    Location?? Samuel Andrew Sigfrids died 8-28-2000 after not receiving blood following an accident and signing that he refused a blood while being given morphine, JWs outside the door urging his parents to refuse the treatment; parents disowned his brother for favoring the emergency treatment +

  • VioletAnai
    VioletAnai

    I started attending again cause I felt there was something missing in my life. I've never doubted Jehovah or the bible, just the people who represent him. I used to blame him for allowing humans to suffer so greatly. I'm clinging to the hope of having every tear wiped from my eyes!!!!! I've also hit a major wall, with my depression surfacing again. Just found out that my family didn't tell me who he was till they were sure he was dead. Now I'm robbed of justice. I can't remember his face, but my grandmother has put it all together and she steals it from me. Ah!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ok, I was raised in 'the truth'. I've doubted as a teen, but I had a lot of problems, what with dealing with new memories. And the elders were hypocrites. I couldn't get baptized cause I was drinking yet, the elders kids were all sleeping with each other. What's with that. I get disassociated and they get a slap on the wrist. I'm ostrized and they're praised for their loyal service. But now, all the growing up I've done, I've realized, we're human, we'll make mistakes, we'll assume things, we'll be haughty!!!! But this is not Jehovah's way. I'm clinging to him cause I got no one else. I'm still 'spiritually weak' as I have a marijuana habit, but I'm getting there. However, other congregation members don't think so. Anyone would think I had ebola!

    Does that answer your questions, you curious cat you! Feel free to oppose/agree/or ramble as much as you like.

    Violet

  • jst2laws
    jst2laws

    Dear Violet,

    You said: "Here I was thinking I was the only one with a dirty past."

    That says more about how you feel about yourself and what was done to you than about the failure of the organization and its "elders".

    Welcome to this discussion board. You seem to have some insite into the side effects of what you have endured as well as the inability of many to understand. I hope you find help with your feelings concerning what you call your "dirty past" whether here are locally.

    Jst2laws

  • anewperson
    anewperson

    Violet, these days a lot of us fellowship via the internet & sometimes in person based on friendliness (love) instead of forced same beliefs though lots who do so still believe in the good things like Jah and the coming paradise earth and are non-trinitarian. If you'd like a free emailed subscription for our newsletter the Free Christians News, just email a request to [email protected] Unlike the Watchtower Society we do not claim to be perfect or expect our friends to pretend they are either. Thanks for speaking out.

  • Derrick
    Derrick

    Take a look at the closest images that I've found so far that start to approach the depth of my hope for a place where you and I and every honest hearted soul will live:

    http://www.lassenlasvegas.com/Art/lelndscpocean.htm

    Even as my eyes gaze on these images now there are tears in my eyes, because I know this is only a blurry glimpse into the paradise Jehovah has in store for those who love him.

    I know what you mean about longing for having every tear wiped from your eyes. Indeed you will one day forget this ancient civilization and its treachery on your life. In Isaiah 65:7 the importance of wiping out these terrible memories is emphasized. After Jehovah promises "Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth", he continues with these comforting words: "The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind."

    Life will be very good in the coming age of prosperity and world peace, and the horrible past we suffered will be as if it never happened. Our memories will be cleansed of crippling sadness and enriched with an eternity of true happiness, contentment, fulfillment and loving personal relationships with others, perhaps even extending to a few special angels and of course Jesus Christ and Jehovah God.

    Derrick

    P.S. Come visit sometime at my "home" in cyberspace, http://www.aimoo.com/h2o and also take a peek sometime at my homepage at http://www.geocities.com/cogentminded/ .

    To see a World in a Grain of Sand
    And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
    Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
    And Eternity in an hour.

    -- William Blake (Auguries of Innocence)

  • Julie
    Julie

    Hi Rick,

    Some time ago, you posted to me that I should consider Another Possibility. I took the time to write you my true feelings on such considerations and you never replied (btw, if someone takes teh time to share a piece of their own heartfelt feelings/beliefs with you and you disregard that is *bad manners*--worse than swearing even IMO). Wondered if maybe this time you would show a little regard for what I had to say then and perhaps even go so far as to comment:

    I thank you for trying to encourage me to think along the lines of what you consider to be positive. You urge me to believe in a Higher Intelligence who plans wonderful things for us humans and I can't help but wonder why this H.I. would have let us humans know such misery in the first place.

    I also wonder, if the H.I. created us was it really for the sole purpose of worshipping this H.I.? Or would it be a more enlightened reason like to learn and grow from our mistakes until we have learned all there really matters and grown to our fullest potential? See now if the answer is the first then I would consider that Being to be an ego-maniac, not a Creature of Enlightenment. If the answer is the second then that would about negate the bible and all it's horrible judgements and punishments for errors.

    As to people who spend their whole lives "searching for the truth", wouldn't it be interesting if indeed there was a judgement day? People who were non-religious but were good people; the kind concerned with the Greater Good, lived and appreciated their lives, made a positive difference while they were here and expected nothing more than the time they were privleged to enjoy on the earth, were the folks rewarded with "an infinite future of good times"? Completing the irony would be for those who were so concerned with getting more than their precious time on earth and knowing and worshipping the Higher Intelligence best so as to insure this "infinite future of good times" to get nothing for being so selfish. I say selfish because if there is a H.I. I should think it would be insulting for us to be less than satisfied with this life and great place in which to live it. How would you feel if someone gave you a fabulous gift and they barely took notice of it cause they were busy anticipating the next one you would give them?

    I see no hopelessness in one lifetime on this earth. There are so many ways to achieve immortality (of sorts) in this world and the ones worth striving for all share the common characteristic of doing the right things for the right reasons. I like to think a Higher Intelligence could understand my reasoning and be unlikely to consider it something worth "punishment" or "eternal death".

    But hey, that's me........

    Regards,
    Julie

  • Derrick
    Derrick

    Julie, you raise so many good points. As for your views on replying to a heartfelt post/email, it's really not black and white. Lack of response doesn't necessary mean disregard for the content of your message. For example, if someone had nothing to do all day as an extreme and received a heartfelt message, not replying might fairly be construed as disregard for said message. On the other extreme, if one sent a long heartfelt message that ended by praising the U.S. Constitution to President Bush and received no reply, obviously one would not claim this proved Bush had no regard for that praise. It would simply mean he received too much mail and couldn't individually respond. However, none of these extremes is practical. Rather, unknown to anyone else, each individual has varying degrees of time to devote to responding to posts/email.

    In an ideal world, I might have considered from start to finish the ramifications of posting a message on a discussion forum. Suppose I cannot reply to any individual? Will they feel as you did that I was callous and disregarded their message? Should I have, out of respect for that possibility, abstained from participation on the forum? Is participation on a forum a "social contract" of sorts that obliges one to follow-up on ALL replies as thoroughly as humanly possible? Again, in a perfect world one might spend hours or even days thinking about these issues, and decide accordingly.

    However, in an imperfect world, unfortunate as it might seem to some, people might be "socially irresponsible" by posting their thoughts and opinions spontaneously without even considering that they haven't the time to respond to any but a few! This will result in hurt feelings for those who felt "ignored." It's only human for some to assume that if someone doesn't respond, it's because they are callous or disrespectful. Ironically, that person might have crushing burdens in their life that consumes every waking moment, but if that's so then why did they post to begin with, some may wonder (forgetting the spontaneity aspect of posting mentioned above). I realize that I have spontaneously posted to MANY people without having properly considered the obligation they may feel I owe to them in responding to their replies. My summation of all this? You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. And nuff said on that subject. ;-)

    Julie, we seem on the same wave length in what you said. In my situation as a JW you have to remember that I'm constantly having to filter what the Watchtower Society teaches into separate buckets. These buckets are labelled "What I Also Believe" and "What I Cannot Believe" -- and when these two buckets are insufficient there's a third "Revisit Later" bucket. Then, there are beliefs that I have originating from "secular" sources outside the Watchtower Society, and many more beliefs than you may realize. Some of these contradict with the contents of those three buckets. Life for JWs is complicated as you know!

    I can therefore say that I cannot refute what you said, Julie, and for the most part it makes perfect sense. Perhaps I have changed since my last post to you? In the past I often tried to stick to "the party line" to the extent possible, and recently I'm getting bolder in acknowledging the growing void between my personal beliefs and those of this religion.

    Derrick

    To see a World in a Grain of Sand
    And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
    Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
    And Eternity in an hour.

    -- William Blake (Auguries of Innocence)

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