I was watching a movie on cable this week, and was impressed. It was about a woman who chose prostitution, in part to live out a life of lust. The movie is more about her journey to learn about herself. In the end, she was reminded by a couple of people that the real key to life is the decision to be happy, to enjoy each day as a gift, which is what it is. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. It was an interesting character study.
The character's epiphany reminded me of my mother's last lesson to me before she died earlier this year from cancer. It was simple. "Be happy."
It was sort of ironic to me in that she really wasn't that happy most of her life. Yet here she was, her life cut short, but the last thing she wanted to pass onto me as her son was the one thing she never figured out for herself. She didn't want me to deal with what she had to deal with. Deep down, she knew (as we talked) that many of her decisions, while on the one hand liberating, also contributed to where she was.
I have had my good and great, bad and horrible days since leaving JW's. In all of those days, I had to deal with bitterness and regret about what could have been.
I read something last week, which I am sure is not in any way a new concept, but it struck me. The statement is simple, yet so true: "You can't lose what you never had."
You can't lose what you never had.
I stress that because I see on this board, and know it's true with me, that there are many who feel cheated out of something they never had. As if it weren't for being a JW, all we thought could have happened to us, would have happened to us.
You can't lose that first love you wanted, because it didn't happen. You can't lose that college experience, because it didn't happen.
Could've should've would've.
If that sounds bad, just wait a second. Because you can love. You can go to college. You can still do so much, if that's what you really want to do. It just has to start now, not in the past, thats all.
And it starts with a pretty basic concept. At some level, we can decide, not to "be happy", but to start a life that will make us happy.
This last election saw bitter politics, involving bitter politicians trying to get bitter voters to vote for them. It was and is all about, who to blame.
Blame doesn't equal accountability. Blame is fake accountability. That goes for the government, and it goes for former JW's as well.
We can sit and pretend we lost something we never had, and never realize that the more we try to get back what we never had, we will lose the only future we have ahead of us.
We can blame JW's for the hurt, and make sure "we hold them accountable." Or we can realize that there is only thing we are accountable for, and that is our future.
Even if we are older and have a smaller time left, we are still ALIVE!
Each day is a gift.
When will we realize that the real power JW's still have over those who have left is the bitterness they engender.
When you think of all the bullshit false prophecies that the Governing Body ever uttered, the only one that they ever got right is that former JW's are bitter.
I realize that's not all of the story. But think about it. They are bully's. Bully's thrive on predictable, reactive behavior. Who is better at being predictable and reactive then former JW's?
I write this as stream of consciousness, if only to say, to the extent that you and I can move on, not be bitter, and take whatever is left of our life, whether it is long or short, and make it the absolute best we can, then we no longer empower those bastards.
We have no power over Jehovah's Witnesses or the Governing Body. Only ourselves, our outlook, and the next 3 or 4 decisions over the next couple of days.
What will those decisions be? Will we decide to embrace our life, and make the best of where we are?
Enjoy life. Be happy. Let go of anger and bitterness. You don't have to bring down Jehovah's Witnesses, or revel in the misery. We only need to recover, and move on.
Be happy.
Love you all! :)
