I like the praying idea. I know for me my husband never said negative things about the religion UNLESS I brought it up and then he would make me elaborate and bring it up later... He would also from time to time help me see how much happier I was now.
Question For Those Who Have Been Around Awhile...
by BoomTown 22 Replies latest jw friends
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BoomTown
A few more things. She is completely aware that I research the JW's. I tried using logic and realized logic doesn't work. If I ever bring up something from this website in the past she shuts down.
I tried the praying thing about 17 and a half months ago. She doesn't let me pray now and quite frankly it doesn't bother me.
Its not so much about her being in the true religion as it is "what happens if the witnesses are right and I die at armageddon" kinda mentality if that makes sense. Quite frankly, I remember thinking the same thing. This website along with freeminds did amazing things for my thought process.
The difference between my wife and me is that I spent the first 15years of my life outside of the religion. My parents were contacted door to door and because they were having marital problems thought that studying would be a good idea...so for me to leave at the age of 25 I could just erase the last 7 years religion worth of thought processes like erasing a game on a computer.
The problem with my wife is that the religion was built into her "hard drive" being raised in the truth her whole life. It has always been her. She can't just press the erase button without seeing a total crash...at least right now.
I am trying to build relationships in the community to give her somewhere else to go when that time comes.
Any other ideas? Keep them coming!
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GrandmaJones
I'm a fifth generation "born in" and been attending meetings for more than six decades. Trust me. It takes time to swallow. It's amazing she's questioning. Don't rush, and she'll get there on her own in a couple more years.
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thetrueone
She also later stated that she knows there has to be one true religion and that the Jw's have it right because
they are the only ones that don't celebrate holidays.
You might want to encourage her to research different religions and see what they do, there are many religions out
there that celebrate so called dates of importance, different of course from one and another.
Sure Christmas is bogus and Halloween is rooted from a pagan celebration, that does mean religious people and
non-religious such as myself celebrate those events.
Religion is a smile on a dog's face, its just that there are many breeds of dogs.
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FlyingHighNow
Do it gradually, sparingly and subtley. When she is complaining, ask her little questions that make her think. Things that make her go hmmmm.
Good for you, by the way!
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DagothUr
I know the signs when I see them! She's fading and I bet 5 bucks she will be DF or DA in less than a year starting now!
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wheelwithinwheel
Sounds to me like she's already well on her way. No more service. That's a big one. Sees serious flaws. That's another big step.
Be patient and don't push it. The process has begun. You probably need to say no more. Even if she opens the door, make sure you don't drown her with WT criticism. Give her time to think it out herself.
It sounds to me that all that is left are the meetings.
Take her out. From time to time plan the outing on meeting nights. Go away for the day on some Sundays. If you have a good time, she will begin having no problem missing meetings. She may even begin helping you plan activities to get away from attending meetings. We've seen it happen to friends of ours. Buy her a thoughful gift near but not on Christmas, her birthday or Valentine's day. Tell her it isn't to celebrate the holiday. It's just because you wanted to buy her something. She may come to understand there's nothing wrong with letting someone know they are special. Point out to her how great, generous and kind some worldly people are. She will make the contrast herself. You don't have to do it.
Once the meetings are over with or she attends once in a blue moon you will probably be where you want to be as a couple. Faded but still able to have contact with your wife's parents. While they may feel somewhat upset that she no longer attends, they are surely somewhat prepared since she has stopped FS. And faded is sure easier to accept and deal with than df'd.
In all the situations I've seen the biggest challenge is time. The person leaving needs time. Don't be impatient. Give her the time. It takes time to get someone in and it takes time to get someone out.
Good luck!!!!
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Mad Sweeney
She doesn't let me pray now
WTF? Doesn't let you?!? She can't stop you. You're the spiritual head of the family, faded or not.
Also, I recommend that you create a spiritual pseudo-revival and start up Family Worship Night using ONLY the Bible. It worked for my wife.
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Soldier77
There are cracks in her armor, slowly start working on them. Do some studying together of the more controversial things, get HER thoughts on what SHE thinks about it. Steer her away from going into the well, the Watchtower says... phrase.
Saying that JWs have the true religion because they don't celebrate holidays is probably one of the most weak backing I've ever heard of the cult. That is quite hysterical actually.
Sounds like you need to tip the pendulum slowly towards the middle and get her from thinking in WT terms.
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jamiebowers
You could mention in conversation all of the things that jws do that have pagan origins: use of the names of the days of the week and months of the year, pinatas, lipstick, wedding rituals like the white gown, veil, rings, etc. Then let it sink in that these things aren't any different than celebrating holidays. Also there are other religions that also don't celebrate holidays.