@Onthewayout,leavingwt,Dagney,cyberjesus: It has been a true honor to have meet you and to know you guys! You guys have provided support during this difficult time. In the case of Dagney, you have been very nice to my wife (just like hopscotch), we appreciate your friendship and look forward to seeing you next week. OntheWayOut, I talked to you on the phone when I was still an elder over a year ago, leavingwt gave you my number. Leavingwt has been an inspiration from the beginning. And Cyberjesus, thank you for sticking around during the good and the bad times. You're all true friends! thank you:)
Documented transition from being an elder to becoming a free man
by TastingFreedom 29 Replies latest jw experiences
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Soldier77
I am grateful for your post. It is so encouraging and helpful to look at the stages you went through. Thank you, thank you thank you!
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TastingFreedom
@sherah,Lozhasleft,whereami,Soldier77: You are very welcome. I hope it helps in your journeys or those still struggling inside for the sake of family or for other reasons, to convince them that it is possible to live a life without the cult, it's not the end of the world!
I'm surprised how many are still trapped with no easy way out. But at the end of the day, the destiny is up to us, no one else will decide for us. For me it became unbearable once I took the red pill, there way no way to go back. But maybe for others, it's not such a big deal, they just focus on the positive and try to have a pragmatic life. I could no longer set aside my life, I had to be true to myself. They were taking away my integrity, since I did not for the same principles as the cult did. No explotation or manipulation of easy, vulnerable pray who need to believe in something in order to cope with life. Life is too painful for them, so the belief in paradise works like an opium that keeps them happy. The problem is they put off the current life and start planning a life that very likely does not exist! That's what I call fraud and explotation!
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mythreesons
Thank you TastingFreedom!
I haven't posted my story on this forum but it is very similar to yours. I was raised a JW, stopped being an elder in 2009 (on my terms)....my wife and I stopped going meetings in January 2010. We took our kids from the last meeting we attended and knew it was our last!
We have been fighting the very things you went through. It's been a struggle but it seems to be a bit better every day. Also, we've noticed the shunning and we aren't df'd....yet. We just quit, cold turkey. It's nice to read that my family is not alone! Thank you!!!
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TastingFreedom
@Mythreesons: I'm surprised how many of us have been through this. At first leaving seems like an impossible task, and even though it may present some challenges, with time things get much better, as your family and my family have demonstrated!
I think the transition out of the Witnesses brings a lot of instability initially on different levels such as the routine, emotions, adjusment with family (shunning), etc. It requires adjustment in the way you socialize, it brings insecurities because you feel uncertain about how to use the new acquired freedoms.
You suddenly feel like a teenager with curiosities, willing to explore, and that may be a threat to the partner. You guys need to talk, and define limits, set rules, and support each other along the way. Be very careful with potential addictions, alcohol, drugs, etc.
For us it was important to define a structure, to start attending community, school events, getting to know other parents my our kid's school, making new friends. You need to get involved with other activities, change your routine, take a break from the house, take turns. Go to the gym, etc. We started attending Unitarian Universalists meetings on Sunday as a family to find some sort of spiritual inspiration without doctrines, without commitment, just in an open and flexible basis.
As a couple this is the time to get to know each other ,and to be completely honest, to unite and support each other and build real trust. You need to share the responsibilities and need to give each other some space. It's not easy with the stress and the strain with family, losing your religion, and losing many friends. You may even start questioning if you made the right decision, and second guessing yourself. The void is huge ,and you need to start filling in with new meaning. But it definitely gets better. It takes time, patience and commitment.
My wife and I, along with our two kids have finally found the stability, and have settled down after the first few months of turmoil after leaving the cult. Best wishes and best of luck in your journey. You can make it!
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Mad Sweeney
Thanks for posting. This sort of post is so encouraging! And not "encouraging" in the JDub way of "encouraging" you to feel bad about your current activities and thoughts and feelings so that you will conform them more closely to the Borg ideal. It's encouraging in the REAL way of making us feel positive about what we're doing and where we're going so that we know that if we stay the course there is light and life and love.
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jookbeard
TF;
cant believe your testimony had slipped past me( I haven't been online too much in the last week) it's as if you have written the perfect script for anyone with a family exiting the WTS, I'm almost speechless, to take your wife and kids completely out using the most basic of fatherly love is wonderful, words fail me. There seems to be a trend now of whole families exiting and this is great news,surely the WTS must be worried.
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little witch
What an amazing post. Congrats to You and Yours. I think this thread should go in the "Hall Of Fame". I am crying tears of joy for You all!
LW
PS
I am one of those "saw it, fixed it, deal with it " types too... I am so glad You had quick resolution and absolution.
LW
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SuspiciousMinds
TastingFreedom:
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I'm going to show this to my wife this evening so she can read your family's experience.
We are right in the middle of your time scale - disfellowshipping is only a matter of time now. Like you made reference to, some days we feel like DA'ing will expedite matters and reduce a considerable amount of anxiety and stress, but we are trying to salvage any family ties we might be able to. We are always looking over our shoulder and attempting to live like normal people in secrecy. I was never an elder, but did serve as ms and pioneer. We are in full agreement that we do not want to raise our newly born child in this cult as a 4th generation.
Thanks again!
SM
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Farkel
I was in for nearly 3 decades myself, but my transition was rather simple: my dub wife and I divorced, I spent the next six months screwing my brains out with any skirt I could find, and then I was fine!
I'm not a complicated person. I found my own therapy and it worked for me!
Farkel